Perfect Isn't Perfect Anymore
by becccccca
Summary: After a summer fling, Bella returns to Forks to receive heart breaking news from her father. They move across state lines, and Bella comes face to face with her summer fling. Was he everything she wished he was? (Edward/Bella slow burn. Rated for language and sexual references)
1. Chapter 1

_It was the perfect last day. We took a long walk on the beach and spent what precious moments were left together. I would miss him unbearably. I had to leave early the next morning to return to Forks, Washington. A washed up town where nothing ever happened.  
I had spent the past four weeks in sunny Pheonix on vacation with my dad and a impish boy who I was afraid I was falling for. This wasn't part of the vacation. This wasn't supposed to happen. Because I knew, I knew that I would have to go home and leave whatever bliss I had found.  
_" _Bella, what's wrong?" He traced his thumb over my knuckles and smiled his crooked smile. I smiled sadly in return, "I don't want to go back home." I sighed, defeated.  
_ " _I know. But we'll see each other again." He kissed my forehead, taking a moment to breathe in the scent of my hair one last time, "Fuck, I'm going to miss you so much." He groaned.  
I lifted my head, "I wish I didn't have to go." I leaned my forehead against his. This was it. The end. The end of a great vacation and the end of blissful, utterly perfect summer romance.  
He kissed me gently, making me melt against him. If this was the last time I kissed him, I was going to make this count. I gripped the collar of his shirt and pulled him closer, filling the empty space between us._

Forks, Washington. Population; not even worth mentioning.  
This was a washed up place, nothing ever happened here and no one ever left. No one ever visited. Just goes to show how horrendous this town was.  
This place was situated under a permanent rain cloud with very little sunshine. Much like my fucking life.  
My dad was a police officer here, constantly working, so I never really got to see him and when I did, he was passed out on the couch after drinking to much beer and smoking too many cigarettes. Good old Charlie Swan.  
Every weekend was the same, I'd come home from wandering the streets and have to clean up his mess. It was my life and I had grew to live with it, even if I hated it.  
It was 7.30am and I yet to move from my bedroom. I didn't have to look out of the window to check the weather. The dull light coming through it was enough to confirm my suspicion. It was raining. Again.  
I stared at the faded pink colour on my wall and thought back to summer and sunshine. To the boy that made my heart swell and break all at the same time. I wished I was back there, feeling the sun burn my pale skin, his hand in mine as we walked along the beach enjoying silent company. My throat closed up, I fucking _missed_ it. I missed it all. The four weeks of pure, unadulterated bliss and lust.

"Fuck my life." I groaned, lying back on my bed.  
I lifted my cell and sighed. I wasn't supposed to text him, or call him. We had agreed not to do that, it would only make things harder.  
And besides, it was a fling. Nothing more, nothing less. But I couldn't shake the feeling of being heartbroken at the thought of never seeing him again, breathing his scent ever again, kissing his lips ever again.  
 _Okay, Bella, this isn't helping._  
I growled at myself. This was how it was supposed to be. Get the fuck over it already.  
You see, I have this problem of trusting too quickly, and falling head over heels in love too quickly. And it was a problem. A huge fucking problem. That's just the type of person I am, and I guess I'll always be that way.  
But today, I was jaded. And I knew I had to put that to the back of mind and put on a brave face for school.

I sat in Biology, doodling on my notepad, not caring, not paying attention.  
Jessica, my best friend, sat next to him, typing furiously on her phone. She sighed, irritated with whatever appeared on her phone. "What's wrong?" I whispered.  
She growled, throwing her phone into her bag, "Mike."  
I rolled my eyes, that explained it. Her and Mike have been having 'problems' lately. And by problems, I mean, they were fighting over nothing. Mike's dad got a new job, which meant he had to go to Seattle a few days out the month and Mike had to go with him. Jess was not happy and has been on his case ever since she found out last week. I was starting to grow tired of it. They had the perfect relationship. They've been dating since they were twelve.  
"He just won't see my point of view." She muttered, folding her arms across her chest.  
Her green eyes clouded over in anger, which was rather amusing since she never got angry that often. She tucked a strand of her blonde hair behind her ear and glared at the table.  
I couldn't really remember how me and Jess became friends. I just remember her always being there, where ever I was. She was a sheep. We were an odd pairing, but a pairing all the same.  
I smiled sympathetically at her and before I knew, I said the words that invited her to give me a headache for the rest of the day, "We'll talk about it at lunch, okay?" I nudged her arm and turned back to my doodling.  
I jumped when the bell rang, signalling the end of Biology. Thank fuck.  
The halls were crowded with students rushing to their locker to get ready for their next class. Jess had English next so I wasn't in her class, since I had Theatre Studies.  
 _Well done, Bella. Choosing a class that you will never use. What are you planning on doing when you graduate?_  
I sighed inwardly and sulked my way to class. I couldn't really argue with myself though. I had literally no idea what the fuck I wanted to do after high school. I just knew I had to get out of this washed up piece of dump town.  
Again, the class dragged in and I sat doing sweet fuck all, doodling on my notepad.  
"I trust you have studied your lines, everyone." The teacher's voice broke through my musings.  
I couldn't give a crap about this class, I was a terrible actress. I mumbled through my lines, wasn't overly enthusiastic and tripped over air. I was a danger to myself at times.

The rest of the day flew in, maybe because I wasn't paying attention, or maybe because I wished for the sweet relief of death when Jess started rambling about Mike again. Maybe it was both.  
 _Some friend you are, Bella.  
_ I knew I could be a crappy friend at times, but there was only so many times I could hear "Mike and I are so done." in the one day. It never happened though, they always made up.  
Bipolar relationship much?  
My red truck roared to life, scaring a few freshmans. Yes, my truck was old and rusty and completely hideous, it hadn't escaped my notice either. I hated it.  
My dad thought it was a great gift for my seventeenth birthday. I almost threw up in my mouth when I saw it. It belonged in the 50's, but it got me from A to B. I just had to swallow what little pride I had and get over it.  
I pulled up outside my house and frowned when I spotted the police cruiser. Dad was home. _Weird._ He was never home at this time.  
I pushed open the front door, dumped my bag at the foot of the stairs and walked through to the kitchen. I found my dad there, going through paperwork that he clearly didn't understand.  
His forehead creased, making his wrinkles more prominent. He sighed, exasperated as he pushed the papers away. He glanced up, eyes widening when he noticed me, "Hey Bells." He gave me a sad smile and scratched his cheek awkwardly.  
I raised a brow, "You okay?" I leaned against the frame of the door, crossing my arms over my chest.  
Something changed in his eyes, and I should have prepared myself for what came next.


	2. Sound of Madness

I must have been holding my breath because I started feeling faint. I braced myself on the kitchen unit, staring at my father.  
This can't be happening. Was he fucking serious? I felt like I had just received a swift kick to the gut. My throat closed up, my lungs screaming at me to take a breath.  
 _Breathe, Bella._  
I scanned the kitchen, looking for the culprit. As if finding it would somehow cure this unbearable news.  
My dad followed my line of sight, realising immediately what I was after. I grabbed them from the counter and threw them in the trash, "This is where they belong." I croaked, staring at the trash can as if it was a black hole to hell itself.  
"Doing that isn't going to fix this, Bells." He sighed, softly.  
I stared back at my father, suddenly feeling overwhelming anger, pain and denial all rolled into one big ball of shit.  
"Well what the fuck do you want me to do?" I growled, "You have...you have.." I couldn't even form the word.  
"Cancer?" He said it like it was nothing. Like he expected it to just disappear, cure itself.  
"Yeah." I whispered, "How...how bad is it? It can be cured, right? They can cure it?" I took a deep shaky breath and clenched my fists, "Tell me it's fucking curable."  
My dad sighed, defeated, "They said...they said that they will do their very best."  
I glared at him, was he serious? "What the fuck does that mean?"  
"Bella, please. Language." He ran his hand through his hair, "I have to go for radiation and maybe some chemo, but they aren't very optimistic."  
His words made my whole world crumble into a thousand tiny pieces of glass. I quickly brushed a tear from cheek.  
"Because it's spread to my pancreas, they are limited to what they can do for me."  
I walked over to him, and hugged him. He stroked my hair, which only comforted me a little. "We'll get through this, Bella." He whispered, kissing my forehead.  
I prayed to God he was right.

It was safe to say I got no sleep whatsoever last night. Not a bit. I kept going over my father's words.  
" _I have some bad news, Bells. Maybe you should sit down?" He gestured toward the chair across from him.  
_ " _I'm good thanks." I whispered, watching his face intently.  
_ " _I was at the hospital today, getting my results from the tests they did last week...and..." He took a deep breath, staring at the table for what felt like a century, "They found something."  
I furrowed my brow, "What did they find?" I whispered. His eyes closed for a moment and when he opened them again I could see the pain, frustration and fear etched in them.  
I took a deep breath, waiting for his next words.  
_" _They found mets in my liver...I have cancer. It's spread to my pancreas."  
Cancer.  
_Fucking cancer. I checked the little alarm clock on the table beside my bed. _05:45._ I sighed, good job it was a Saturday. I didn't have to go to school and face people, faking smiles and pleasantries.  
I never thought in a million years this would happen to me again. Not after my mom. My mom died when I was fourteen. Car accident.  
Some smartass motherfucker thought it would be a grand idea to get behind the wheel shitfaced, effectively ending my mom's life. My dad was inconsolable for months afterwards, and I couldn't face it.  
I became detached from everything. I took up smoking, just like my dad. I knew it was a filthy habit, but it was all I had to get me through the worst year of my life.  
That's why we moved to Forks. My dad couldn't face living in Seattle anymore. Everything reminded him of my mom. I agreed to move here, because I knew it was in his best interest.  
He needed to move on and escape the confines of grief.  
But now it was me that was trapped.  
Claustrophobic.  
I wasn't sure I had the strength in me to lose another person I cared about. I couldn't go through this again. I never got the chance to say goodbye to my mom, but I do with my dad.  
So I'm just going to have to spend all the time in the world with him.  
 _Just to face the inevitable._

I stomped my way down the stairs, finding the kitchen empty. The cruiser wasn't outside. _He must be at work_. I didn't know how he could face work. Couldn't he take some time off, just to absorb everything? Knowing my dad, he probably didn't tell anyone. He just wanted to take his mind off it with work.  
What was I to do today? Sit and depress myself over last nights events? Fuck that.  
If he was going to put on a brave face then so was I. I could do that, right? _Wrong.  
_ That was proven when Jess called to go shopping.

We had just walked into what felt like the hundredth clothing store. I honestly thought this would take my mind off things, get me back to some sort of normalcy.  
"So I told him that he couldn't just brush my feelings under the carpet as if they meant nothing, right? And he just walked out. Like, out of the house. He never even called or sent me a text. What an asshole, right?" Jessica rambled on and on, but I wasn't really listening.  
I just nodded when appropriate and shook my head when I felt I had to.  
"I mean, who does that? I'm his _girlfriend_. He's supposed to consider my feelings and he just isn't. I even told him that-"  
"Jesus fucking Christ, get over it already! It's not as if he's leaving to go to another country." I snapped. I had reached my boiling point with this shit.  
Jessica gaped at me, shocked at my sudden outburst. I had never snapped at her. Never.  
"Well, excuse me. I thought I could talk to my friend about this. Clearly, I was wrong." She retorted bitterly.  
I rolled my eyes, "I'm sorry, Jess. I just have...I have a lot going on right now, okay?"  
Wait...why the fuck was I apologising to her? She was the one who had bombarded me with this for the past week. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.  
Jessica gave me a soft smile, "It's okay. I have been going on about for ages, haven't I?"  
I nodded weakly, "Yeah. Ages."  
She smiled again and started combing through the shelves of jeans, "So, what's going on with you?" She asked, as she pulled out a pair of blue denims.  
"My dad has cancer." I blurted before I had time to realise.  
"What?!" Her eyes widened, concern wifilled her eyes.  
"Yeah...cancer." I shook my head, "I found out last night."  
"Is it...you know, serious?"  
Was she serious? "Yes, it serious." I spat, "It's fucking _cancer._ "  
She bit her lip, realising her fuck up, "I didn't mean it that way. I meant, is it...terminal?"  
I shrugged, "I don't know. My dad said that the doctors are gonna do the best they can." I felt my throat closing up again and I knew what was going to quickly follow. Tears.  
"I'm going for a smoke." I muttered before she had a chance to say anything else.  
When I got outside, it felt like I could finally breathe again. I put a cigarette to my mouth and lit it, drawing smoke into my lungs.  
I watched as a moody teenager stalked by, face in her phone as her parents tried to make conversation. It angered me somehow.  
I didn't know these people, but the anger I felt was too much. Didn't she realise that her parents weren't going to be around forever?  
 _No, because I didn't.  
_ I took the last draw of my cigarette and stubbed it out. I should have stayed home today.

When I got home, I was surprised to see my dad sitting on the couch in the living room.  
"Hey dad." I smiled, sitting on the chair next to him.  
He smiled in return, "What did you do today, chicko?"  
I shrugged, I doubt he wanted to hear about my outburst at Jessica, "Nothing much. Just went shopping."  
"Get anything nice?" He mused, talking to me like nothing had changed. Like he wasn't fucking dying.  
I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.  
"Oh well," He chuckled, "You want some pizza?" He reached over and took a cigarette out of the packet I was sure I threw away.  
"You're still smoking?" I shrieked, "You do realise you have cancer, right? You want it to spread to your lungs?!" My blood was boiling. How he could still do that after the news he got yesterday? Didn't he care at all? It sure as hell didn't seem like it.  
"You're still smoking." He sighed, raising a brow.  
I could help the snort that escaped me, "I'm not the one with cancer."  
Those were my parting words before I went to my room, slamming my door in the process.  
 _Way to go, Bella. Thought you were gonna spend what precious time you had left with him?_

I needed to get out of this house. I felt like I couldn't breathe again, like someone was pressing down hard on my chest.  
Was it supposed to feel this way? Was this my body's way telling of myself I wasn't coping already?  
I scrolled through the contacts in my phone, looking for someone to talk to. I stopped when I saw his name. I wished I could just press 'call' and listen to his voice. He would calm me down, he would reassure me.  
But we made a deal, and neither one of us had broken that deal. I whimpered to myself and scrolled by his name.  
 _Stupid summer vacation._

I hated hospitals, they smelled like death and despair. Utter hopelessness. My experiences with this place were never good, and I doubt that was about to change.  
I sat across from Dr. Webber, staring at his overly pessimistic face as he explained to my dad and I what was happening in regard to his treatment.  
"At some point you may need to undergo some surgery to remove some of the mets on your liver. Then we can progress to a more aggressive form of treatment. There is no telling how long this will take, or if there will be any positive results from it. I have some of the best oncologists in Pheonix looking at your case, so we can cover all bases..."  
I stood up, I had to leave. I couldn't listen to this anymore. My dad nodded knowingly, letting me know it was okay to leave. I squeezed his hand gently and left the room.  
I couldn't fucking deal with this. He was all I had left.  
I sat in the waiting room, staring at the floor. What would happen to me if he died? Where was I going to go? How was I going to survive? I couldn't lose another parent, I just couldn't.  
I noticed my reflection in the waiting room window. God, I looked like shit. I had bags under my eyes, indicating how little I slept over the past two weeks.  
Yes, it had been two weeks since he told me. Did it feel like two weeks? No, it didn't.  
I spent most of the days going to hospital appointments and spending as much time as I could with my dad. He had stopped going to work. That was a relief. I didn't want him to tire himself out more than he had to be. At least with him at home, I could keep an eye on him, make sure he was taken care of.  
I pulled my hair into a pony tail, I couldn't be fucked today. I was exhausted, but nothing compared to my dad. He look twice as worse as me.  
Dr. Webber's office door opened and my dad stepped out, dragging his hand down his face.  
"Is everything okay?" I stood, expecting to hear the worse.  
He smiled at me and pulled me into a hug, "Everything is okay, kiddo. He was just telling me about the side effects of the treatment I'll be receiving."  
I rested my head on his shoulder, "I don't want you to worry about anything." I whispered, "I'll be here."  
He hugged me tighter, "I know."


	3. I'm Not Okay (I Promise)

**A/N: This story has no Beta so all spelling mistakes and errors are mine.  
Gimme some feedback on the story so far. =)**

* * *

This wouldn't do. It was completely unacceptable to allow my dad to continue eating the way he did  
I shook my head as I began clearing the fridge out. "Dad, are you serious? How long has _this_ been in here?" I picked up, what I could only describe as a ball of blue fluff, "What was this?" I scrunched up my nose and threw it into the bag infront of me.  
"I don't know." He chuckled, watching me.  
Yes, watching me. Not helping me.  
"Seriously, Dad, we need to go shopping or some shit 'cause you…no we can't keep eating like this." I muttered as I put yet another frozen pizza into the trash, "You need to eat healthier, especially with the treatment you'll be getting."  
He sighed, "I know. We'll go shopping once you've finished that then, okay?"  
I narrowed my eyes, "Mhmm."  
I froze as I felt my hand touch something sticky and hairy. What on God's green earth was in this thing?  
"Seriously, Dad?!" I croaked, pulling out raw chicken. The smell made my eyes water and my stomach heave.  
He burst out laughing, "I forgot that was in there!"  
"This isn't funny!" I whined.  
"You eat out of that too, missy." He gave me a pointed stare.  
"I actually don't. I live off the Poptarts in the cupboard. And now I fucking know why." I muttered, covering my mouth with my arm as I stood. There are some things I just couldn't unsee, and hairy chicken was one of those.

After dragging my dad around the local supermarket, convincing him to buy healthier choices, we finally arrived home. "I'll get started on dinner then."  
I began unpacking the groceries, placing them inside the freshly cleaned refrigerator. Courtesy of myself, thank you very much.  
My dad plopped down on the couch, channel surfing as I unpacked.  
"Hey Bells?" He called.  
"Yeah?"  
"Dr. Webber called today when you were at school."  
"Oh? What did he want?" I turned to stare at the back of my dad's head.  
"He wants me to go into the hospital tomorrow to have a talk with him." He muttered sourly.  
"Do you want me to go with you? I can if you want. I can take the day off school." I didn't want him going by himself. Especially if Dr. Webber didn't specify why he wanted to see him.  
He shrugged, "Sure. If you want."  
I didn't like this one bit. Was there something changing with his treatment? Would surgery do more harm than good? What the hell was going on?

I chewed on my thumbnail, pacing back and forth in my room.  
What if he had less time than we originally thought? I wasn't ready to prepare a funeral. I probably never will be.  
I was starting to drive myself crazy with all these erratic thoughts.  
 _Give yourself a slap, Swan.  
_ A knock on my door pulled me from my reverie.  
"Yeah?"  
My dad peeked his head round the door and smiled, "I'm off to bed. Remember we're meeting Dr. Webber at ten tomorrow."  
I nodded, "Yeah. No problem."  
"Goodnight, Bells."  
He was just about to shut the door, "Hey dad?"  
"Yep?"  
"I love you." I smiled.  
He smiled sadly, "I love you too, kiddo."

Dr. Webber smiled at us, gesturing for us to take a seat at his desk. My stomach was doing backflips. Please let everything be okay. He opened my dad's file and cleared his throat, "Now, there's nothing to be worried about. I called you here today to discuss a transfer."  
My dad frowned, shifting in his seat, "What do you mean?"  
Dr. Webber smiled, his eyes wrinkling at the corner, "I told you last time we spoke that I had colleagues in Phoenix looking at your file…" He began.  
My throat closed up, "What did they say?" I whispered. My dad took my hand and smiled, telling me to calm down.  
Dr. Webber sighed, "One of the best oncologists there has requested to take over your case. There are more…better treatments there than we have here at this moment. It would be beneficial for you to move to Phoenix and continue your treatment there."  
I shook my head, "No. Absolutely not. You haven't done anything yet! All you've done is give him pills. You have to try something here before you expect us to pack and move across states!" Was he fucking serious?  
My dad frowned, "What can they offer that you can't?"  
"They have a higher budget. With this hospital being such a small, mainly outpatient unit in this town, we simply do not have the budget to pay for your treatment."  
This didn't make sense, "You're not the ones paying for the treatment, though. My dad is."  
"Bella, it's okay. I understand." My dad released my hand and crossed his arms, "When will this happen?"  
"It entirely depends on you, Mr. Swan. If you chose to stay with us, we will strive you give you the best possible treatment we can offer. But I do think Phoenix have a more experienced and diverse way of treatment. Dr. Cullen, my colleague has assured me that he will give you the best care he can give if you chose to allow him to take over your case."  
Wait a fucking minute. Did he just say Cullen? _Cullen_?! _It's probably not the same family, you crazy bitch.  
_ My dad nodded, swallowing thickly, "I'll have to make some arrangements. But if what you're saying is true, then I'll sign my medical records over to this Dr. Cullen and prepare for the move."  
"Wait, dad! You aren't serious! This is our home, we can't just-"  
"I'm making this decision, Isabella." He growled.  
My mouth shut. Guess it was already decided then.  
Dr. Webber smiled, "I will inform him of your choice. I'll give him your contact information." He stood, gesturing to us that the conversation was over.  
Asshole. He was causing so much more stress and upheaval than necessary.

 _17:45_. My dad and I had barely broke breath to each other since we came back from the hospital. I didn't know what to say and he was probably angry that I was unaccepting of his decision.  
Didn't he understand how upsetting this would be for me? I would have to start over. New school, new friends.  
 _Really, Swan? You're thinking about yourself. Your father has cancer!  
_ I narrowed my eyes at my reflection, "I fucking know." I muttered to myself.  
I thought a shower would help me relaxed but instead, it just gave me more to think about. More to obsess over.  
Dr. Cullen. It couldn't be, could it? I shook my head at the thought. Like it really mattered anyway, right?  
I marched to my bedroom and threw on the first set of clothes I saw. If I was moving, I had better start saying goodbye to my friends.  
"Where are you going?" My father asked as he read the paper.  
"Out." I replied simply, grabbing my keys from the hook by the door, "Dunno what time I'll be home at so don't wait up." I shut the door behind me and started the short walk to Jessica's house.

I sat on the kitchen unit with a bottle of Bourbon between my legs and a cigarette on my lips. "We haven't seen this Bella Swan in a while." Mike chuckled as he passed a joint to Jessica.  
"Yeah well, you better savour this." I replied sourly.  
Mike raised a brow but never commented back. He leaned against the kitchen door and ran his through his spiky blond hair, "You have a lot of homework to catch up on. Mr. Greene is going crazy with how much school you've missed over the past few weeks." He muttered.  
Rolling my eyes, I jumped off the unit, "Can we talk about something else?" I hissed, throwing my cigarette out the window.  
"Eh, sure."  
"When are you going to Seattle?" Jessica asked, taking a draw from the joint. She almost choked in the process. Amateur.  
Mike shuffled uncomfortably, "Friday. But I'll be back on Sunday night."  
"Are you serious? I won't get to see you." She whined, pouting like a child.  
"Oh my _God_ , you guys have _such problems_!" I grabbed the bottle of Bourbon and stormed outside.  
How long until this was over? How long until I didn't need to hear about this?  
 _Not long. Not long at all._

I had finished the Bourbon, enjoying the feeling it gave me. Weightlessness. Numbness. I watched as Mike rolled his next joint. How many had that been? I had lost count after the fourth.  
"Jess told me about your dad." He mumbled, licking the paper.  
I shrugged, "I should have guessed. Nothing's a secret with her."  
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." He passed me the joint. I put it to my lips and inhaled deeply. _Fuck me.  
_ "How much did you put in that?" I narrowed my eyes, or rather, I thought I did.  
"Enough." He chuckled in response.

I stumbled my way in through the front door, almost landing flat on my face. I giggled at myself. It seemed I was lethal to myself when inebriated.  
As I attempted to crawl up the stairs, I was blinded by light.  
"What the hell, Bells?"  
I let my eyes wander slowly to the top of the stairs. My dad stood, arms crossed, eyes angry. But to me, it looked fucking hilarious.  
"Where have you been?" He hissed, "I was worried sick! Do you even know what time it is?!"  
I slumped onto the second stair, leaning my head against the bannister, "Nope." I grinned.  
He sighed, "It's three in the fucking morning!"  
 _Fucking._ I burst into hysterical laughter. My dad never swore. It was something he didn't appreciate. He must be furious.  
"Seriously…lang…language dad." I slurred through my laughter.  
"Get to bed, now! We'll discuss this in the morning." He growled, marching back to his room.  
My laughter died down as I remained sitting on the stairs. Why did he have to go and ruin my night? I told him not to wait up, didn't I? Wasn't I quiet when I came home?  
I groaned and turned onto my stomach, falling onto the floor. How drunk was I? I could barely lift my arms. My dad was really pissed at me.  
 _Wonder why, you idiot_. I scowled at myself. Wasn't I allowed to blow off steam?  
I flipped back round and pulled my phone out. I scrunched my eyes as I tried to see the time.  
 _03.30_.  
I scrolled through my contacts, smiling wistfully to myself as I pressed 'call' and put the phone to my ear.

"Isabella Marie Swan!" My dad's voice echoed through the house jolting me awake. I groaned and pulled my pillow over my head. Somehow I managed to get to my room. Fuck knows how.  
"Get up!" He shouted.  
Didn't he realise my head was pounding? I forced myself to sit up, throwing the covers off me. Aspirin. I need Aspirin.  
"Oh good, I thought we could talk about last night. Or should I say, this morning?" My dad narrowed his eyes at me, sitting his coffee cup down on the kitchen table.  
I swallowed thickly, "I just went out to Jess'" I mumbled as I grabbed a glass from the cupboard.  
"You were intoxicated, Isabella." He gave me a pointed look and shook his head, "I know things have been hard on you, but there are healthier ways to deal with it."  
I chewed my bottom lip, "I don't want to move to Phoenix, Dad. I don't understand why we can't continue your treatment here."  
My dad sighed and stood up, placing his cup in the sink, "We're moving, Bells." His tone was softer and he placed his hand on my shoulder, "We're moving."

 _Clothes._ _Shoes._ _Books.  
_ Boxes were piled up next to my bedroom door. Boxes that contained my life. I didn't need to collect anything from school since I didn't keep anything but my bag in my locker, so that was one thing ticked off the list.  
I couldn't remember much from last night. I knew we had left Jessica's to go some place else. Where? Fucked if I knew. I could barely remember getting home. My dad was furious, and rightfully so. I had fucked up.  
I grabbed my phone, ready to call Jessica to talk about the events of last night when I froze. My body turning ice cold.  
 _You fucking idiot, Swan.  
_ There, in my call history was the name _'Edward Cullen'_.  
Fucking idiot, indeed.


	4. Anywhere But Here

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

* * *

I knew saying goodbye to my friends was going to be hard. It made me not want to go. "

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Jessica sobbed into my shoulder.  
"You can still text me." I laughed, hugging her.  
She sniffed, "Yeah but it won't be the same. Who am I going to bitch to?"  
I released her from my grasp and smiled sympathetically, "It's not forever, Jess. I'll be back before you know it."  
Jessica wiped her eyes and smiled in return, "Call me as soon as you land, okay? And let me know how your dad gets on. And also, if you meet any hot guys…" She smirked, pulling me into another hug.  
"I promise." I whispered.  
I was going to miss her. No doubt about that. She had been my best friend ever since I arrived in Forks. How was I going to cope without her?  
Mike stepped forward and smiled, "Safe trip, Bella." He pulled me to his chest and kissed the top of my head, "I'll look after Jess while you're gone."  
"You better, you dick." I mumbled against his chest.  
He chuckled, "I'm going to miss you."  
"You better have a joint ready for me when I get home." I joked, pulling away.  
Mike nodded, holding his hand over his chest, "I will. I give you my word."  
I rolled my eyes, "You're such a dork."  
I grabbed my bag from the floor and sighed, "I'll call when I get settled." I chewed on my bottom lip and met eyes with Jessica again, "Keep me updated on all the gossip."  
Jessica nodded, her eyes filling up again, "I will." She croaked.  
I closed the front door behind me and lifted my face to the cold rain. I would see them again. I was sure of it.

4am.  
Time to leave.  
"You got everything, Bells?" My dad threw a bag over his shoulder and smiled.  
"Yep."  
"Passport?"  
"Yep."  
"Okay. Let's go then."  
I followed my dad out the door, glancing behind me once last time to the bare house I once lived in. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shut the door behind me. Shutting the door on my memories and old life.  
"Check in is at six." My dad mumbled as he threw our suitcases and carry ons in the trunk of the cab.  
I shut the car door and sighed, staring out at the dull sky.  
 _Until we meet again, Forks._

Safe to say, the flight was horrendous. Stuck sitting in front of an annoying kid with ginger as fuck hair.  
He kept peeking his head up and pulling my hair with his sticky fingers.  
 _As soon as you land, dry shampoo your hair.  
_ The kid's mother, of course saw nothing wrong with her reprobate's behaviour. She sat with her nose in a book the entire flight.  
My dad mostly slept.  
I wish I could've slept, that way I wouldn't have been resisting the urge to punch the kid's face in. Children, who would have them? Anyone could tell, I wasn't a maternal woman.

Thankfully the flight only took three hours. Otherwise, I would have been forced to give that mother a very important lecture on parenting.  
I stood at the conveyer belt, waiting on my luggage. I was beginning to get annoyed at the people who forgot their manners on the plane. At least five people had accidentally bumped into me.  
"Wanna get breakfast before heading off?" My dad asked, collecting his suitcase.  
"Yeah, whatever." I mumbled.

We settled on one of the cafes in the airport.  
My father ordered pancakes, whereas I settled on toast. I could feel the overwhelming heat of Arizona even in the airport. My stomach couldn't handle anything else. No one heard of air conditioning? I stared out of the window, not touching my food. The sun sat high in the clear blue sky. It was a refreshing yet frustrating change from the weather back in Forks. Frustrating because I would burn. _Fuck my pale skin.  
_ "It's about an hours drive to the new house." My dad said through his chewing, "I've rented a car, it should already be here."  
I tore my toast apart and slumped in my seat, "Okay."  
I had nothing else to say.

 _'Welcome to Phoenix, AZ.'_ the sign read.  
I scrunched my nose up. I was already uncomfortably hot. The sun beat down on me and father as we drove down the highway from the airport.  
"No turning back now." My dad grinned.  
I rolled my eyes from behind my sunglasses, "You said that when we got on the plane." I couldn't help the distain in my voice. I didn't want to be here. That much was obvious. I stared out of the window, sighing to myself. This place was derelict. Just pure desert for miles.  
"Maybe we can visit the Grand Canyon?" My dad seemed excited about this move. He was getting his hopes up about this new doctor. Fuck knows why. All doctors do the same thing.  
"It's three hours away, Dad." I muttered sourly. I had no interest in ever going there. A bunch of red rocks and a river was not my idea of a good time.  
"Cheer up, Bells." He exited the highway soon after.  
Finally, civilisation.  
"Wait until you see our new house, Bells. I'm sure you'll love it." He spoke so animatedly about everything in this place. You should have heard him on the plane when he wasn't sleeping. He was practically vibrating with excitement.  
"I'm sure." I whispered. I'm sure I would absolutely loathe it.

I had forgotten how hot Arizona was. I was pretty sure I had sunburn already. _Better get used to it._  
"Look Bells, that's the house." My dad pointed towards a pale grey, two story house. There was a patio just off the front door where a small bench and a table sat empty. I frowned to myself, this wasn't what I was expecting. My dad unlocked the front door and stepped inside.  
The entryway was huge. It led straight into the sitting area, which again, was huge.  
"Three bedrooms and two bathrooms." My dad commented, looking around.  
"Wh..what?" I spluttered. Was he kidding?  
He grinned in response, "Go upstairs and pick out your room."  
I rolled my eyes. I wasn't five. I started up the stairs, groaning inwardly as the stairs creaked underneath my feet.  
The bedrooms were to the back of the house. I settled on the smallest of the three. I didn't need a big bedroom. As long as it was big enough for my bed and wardrobe, I didn't care. I could live with the colour of the walls for now. It wasn't that bad. Red. I could deal with red.  
"Bells, the van is here!" My dad shouted from downstairs. The van with all our furniture. Furniture that we ordered two days before our move. Because the furniture we had back in Forks wasn't good enough.

Three hours later and my bedroom was starting to look like a bedroom. I had opened the window in the hopes of letting some air in, but my hopes were short lived. I flopped down onto my new bed and sighed. Edward hadn't returned my phone call or text me so I guess I had escaped humiliation for the time being. I couldn't even remember if I spoke to him or not. Did I leave a voicemail? Did I sob like a little bitch down the phone? What the fuck did I do?  
I was to attend my new school in two days time. My father had arranged it all for me before we booked our plane tickets. I was dreading it.  
Nobody enjoys being the new girl. I only had a year or so left of high school anyway, so I would just have to suck it up and get on with it. A year flies in when you're not paying attention.  
I snorted at myself, _yeah right_.  
The high school was only fifteen minutes away, close enough that I could walk. So that wasn't so bad. I sat up, deciding it was worth my while to unpack some more things downstairs.  
My dad had popped out to the nearest supermarket to buy some groceries since we didn't have any. I stood in the kitchen looking around.  
The units were white marble, extremely clean looking. The floor had white tiles, turning into wooden flooring as it reached the sitting area.  
A lump formed in my throat. This house was far too big. Too big for just me, if anything was to happen to my dad. I couldn't live here by myself.  
 _Get a room mate.  
_ I scoffed at myself. I would need two room mates to keep this house going. I tore open the box containing pots and pans and began the monotonous task of putting them away in cupboards.  
I sat the kettle and toaster down on the units, plugging them in. I smiled at my work. The kitchen was coming together quite nicely.  
Thankfully, there wasn't much decorating to be done. And the parts that needed a lick of paint could wait until we were settled. French doors led out to the backyard. It was nice. The sun was beginning to set. Red sky at night. I smiled to myself and wandered into the sitting area. Surprisingly, there was no empty space. I sat down on the couch and began chewing on my lip.  
The front door opened and my dad huffed, kicking the door closed with his foot.  
I turned in my seat and watched him walk through to the kitchen.  
"It's hot out there." He chuckled, setting the bags down on the kitchen island.  
I nodded, "Yup." I eyed the bags suspiciously, "Did you buy healthy food?" I questioned.  
He rolled his eyes, "Yes, Bella." He began unpacking, pulling out fruit and vegetables. I smiled. Good. He was learning.

After we unpacked the groceries, I started on dinner while my dad unpacked books and ornaments.  
"We're meeting this Dr. Cullen tomorrow." My dad called from the sitting room.  
I sighed, "Yeah, I know."  
My stomach churned. Please don't be who I think it is. _Phoenix is a big place_.

My leg shook uncontrollably as my dad and I sat in the waiting room.  
"Calm down, kiddo." My dad glanced at me from the corner of his eye.  
"Sorry." I couldn't help it. It was natural to be nervous. New state, new school, new fucking doctor.  
"This is ridiculous. We've been sitting here for almost half an hour!" I growled, leaning back in my seat.  
My dad sighed, "It's a busy hospital."  
I narrowed my eyes at the cream coloured wall, this was taking far too long.  
A nurse wearing green smocks walked by, smiling at us in passing. I chewed on my bottom lip. My anxiety was starting to get the better of me.  
"Mr. Swan?"  
I snapped my eyes up to see a middle aged man with hair close to white smiling widely at us. He put me at ease immediately.  
My dad stood, "Yes." He shook the man's hand.  
"I'm Dr. Cullen." He smiled again, "Please, come into my office." He gestured toward a door just passed the waiting room and followed us in.  
"Take a seat." He said as he sat across from us, opening my dad's file.  
My eyes wandered around the room, searching for something to put my anxiety to rest.  
"Now, I trust you have many questions. They will be addressed. Firstly, I would like to thank you for choosing to continue your treatment here in Arizona."  
My eyes glued to his face, studying his features. His jaw was strong and square. His eyes the most brilliant shade of green. His left hand held a fountain pen, he played with it between his fingers as he studied the paperwork in front him. My eyes wandered to the desk, scanning for any sign of confirmation.  
 _So what if it is who you think it is? Does it really fucking matter?_ Yes. Yes it did.  
My breathing hitched as I spotted what I was looking for. A picture. Two boys holding baseball bats, grinning widely, cheeks flushed. One of them looked extremely familiar. _This isn't happening, it's just your imagination. You're tired and stressed out.  
_ Dr. Cullen noticed my staring and cleared his throat, "My sons." He commented, nodding toward the picture, "Emmett and Edward."  
My heart rate quickened. _Well, guess your luck just ran out, Swan.  
_ I tried to smile but it must of looked like a grimace as Dr. Cullen gave me a weird look and turned his attention back to my father.  
"There are risks, like every other surgery. We will have to keep you here overnight before hand and possibly a few days afterward." He explained, "Now, I see here that it has spread to your pancreas. Have you experienced any sickness or pain?"  
My dad shrugged, "A little pain, nothing too drastic." I glared at him. Guess I was last to know.  
Dr. Cullen nodded, "That's to be expected. Ideally, I would like to schedule you for surgery as soon as possible but with your recent scans, I would suggest some Chemotherapy beforehand."  
My father nodded, "Whatever you say, doc."  
So Dr. Cullen was Edward's father? Fucking peachy. Just what I needed.  
 _What about our deal?_ My hands grasped the arm rests, my nails digging into the soft leather.  
What if I saw him again? I scoffed inwardly, doubtful.  
But...what if?

I stared at the Poptart on my plate, I wasn't remotely hungry.  
"You all set for school tomorrow?" My dad asked, washing the dishes.  
I tore my eyes from my plate and sighed, "I guess so."  
"I called ahead and let the principal know you'll be attending tomorrow." He smiled and emptied the water from the sink.  
"Okay. Thanks."  
I watched as my dad opened one of the cupboards, taking out painkillers.  
"Are you in pain?" My eyebrows knitted together.  
"Only a little." He smiled and kissed the top of my head, "I'm going to get an early night, kid. I'll see you tomorrow before school." I watched him climb the stairs until he was out of sight.  
I was dreading tomorrow.  
 _You're going to go, and you're going to put on a brave face and get the fuck over it.  
_ I scowled at myself. Hopefully, everyone will leave me alone. I wasn't planning on making friends. I just wanted to attend, maintain my grades. That's it.  
 _No friends. What a great plan, Swan.  
_ I dropped my poptart in the bin and sighed. No friends means not getting attached, which means no tears when I was ready to move back to Washington.

It seemed like a solid plan to me.


	5. Big Girls Cry

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **I realise Bella is coming across a tad self involved. She'll get better...or worse.**

* * *

Drawing in a deep breath, I stood at the entrance of West Phoenix High School.  
Today was my first day here and I hoped to God everything went smoothly.  
I snorted to myself, _yeah cause you're so high on luck._  
I glanced at my schedule, barely containing the anxiety bubbling inside me. Luckily, I didn't have to change my classes. At least that remained the same. Now I just had to deal with constant sunburn everyday and weird looks.  
I shook my head, this was my home now. And I just had to get used to it.  
My dad wished me luck before I left. He had to go to the hospital again today. He was receiving his first round of chemo. I was worried incase my dad suffered from some serious side effects.  
 _Don't worry about that right now._  
I had half an hour to kill, may as well find my locker.  
I stepped inside and scanned the halls that were already alive with the buzzing of students. As if on cue, all eyes were on me. Great. Just great.  
Grasping my books tighter, I began scanning for my locker. No matter how much I tried to block out their whispers, I could still hear some of them with their "Who is she?" "Where did she come from?"  
Just what I needed today. To be stared at like a fucking lab rat.

When I finally found my locker, I was greeted by a small pixie like girl with short black hair. Her smile was wide, her eyes overly excited.  
"Hi!" She beamed at me. I tried not to roll my eyes. I didn't need to make friends here. It's not important. It's not part of the plan.  
 _None of this was, you idiot._  
"Hi." I managed to smile back, but it was forced.  
"I'm Alice. You're new here, right? I haven't seen you here before which makes me think that you are new. I make it my mission to help out the new kids. High school can be pretty tough, especially when you're new and don't know where everything this." She literally spoke a hundred miles an hour.  
"Take a breath, will you?" I mumbled, putting my bag in my locker.  
"Sorry!" She squeaked, "What's your name?"  
"Bella."  
This was it, wasn't it? I was gonna be subjected to having her as a friend. _Not cool, karma, not cool.  
_ "Well, Bella. What do you have first period?"  
"Um..." I glanced down at my schedule secretly hoping that my class was somewhere far away from her. "Calculus."  
Alice beamed at me again, "You can sit with me then!"  
 _Oh sweet Satan._

Mr. Mason, my Calculus teacher sighed when I walked in the door. I could tell right away that he hated new students. All that extra teaching he would have to do would probably kill him. He seemed like one of those teachers.  
Before I had time to even register what was happening, Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me to the back of the class. She pulled out the chair next to her and gestured for me to sit. I sat down and looked around the classroom. The walls were covered in different mathematic equations and posters. I scrunched my nose up. I already hated this place.  
"So..." Alice whispered next to me, "You can sit with us at lunch if you want to. I'll get you at your locker?"  
"Who's 'us'?"  
Alice shrugged, "Me, Jasper and a few others. It all depends if Jane's at cheerleading practice or not."  
Who the fuck is Jane? I nodded, "Okay, whatever."  
"Jasper's my boyfriend by the way." She gave me a pointed look, warning me to stay away from him.  
"Okay." I smirked, opening my notebook.  
Calculus was one of the classes I was good at, so I wasn't worried about trying to get up to speed. That meant Mr. Mason could relax a bit.  
"Miss Brandon, perhaps you could enlighten the class on Rolle's Theorem?" Mr. Mason snapped.  
Alice rolled her eyes, "Yes, of course."  
I leaned back in my seat and groaned inwardly. This was going to be a long motherfucking day.

English was next. One of my favourite subjects.  
Again, I took a seat at the back. Mr. Berty didn't seem to mind or even care that I was in his class. He smiled when I arrived and told me to sit where ever I wanted. Thankfully, I didn't have Alice in this class. I could relax a little before lunch.  
"Hi." I looked up to see a dark haired boy smiling broadly at me. His bright blue eyes were friendly.  
"Hi." I responded, smiling in return. He took the seat next to me and turned to face me.  
"I'm Eric." He extended his hand for me to take.  
"Bella." We shook hands and turned toward the front of the class.  
"How's your first day so far?" He asked.  
"It's been okay." I replied, honestly, "It could be worse."  
"It could _get_ worse." He chuckled.  
I suppose he was right.  
That was the last I spoke to Eric since Mr. Berty began his teaching.  
Today, we were learning Shakespeare. How original.  
I had a soft spot for Shakespeare though. His words were something that very few could achieve in writing. Granted, most of his work were tragedies, but there was something so beautifully poetic in his tales.  
My mother gave me my first Shakespearian play when I was twelve. Romeo and Juliet.  
I never let it leave my sight. Every night before bed, she would read an extract.  
 _"My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep; the more I give to thee,_  
 _The more I have, for both are infinite...words to live by Bella." She kissed my forehead and smiled, "Sleep tight."_  
I smiled at the memory.  
 _Never a truer word spoken, mom_.

I hated Art. Hated it with all my being. I had to my admit though, I could create a nice canvas if I put my mind to it.  
The class was set up in a semi circle with a table in the middle in front of us. I scrunched my nose up at the smell of paint and dusty paintbrushes.  
My art teacher was Mr. Dawson. A small, fat man with square glasses.  
"Paint the sunflowers." He sat a vase of vibrant yellow sunflowers in the middle of the class and sighed, "Make it look good, guys."  
I scoffed at myself. Sunflowers? Really?  
"You don't like sunflowers, or something?" I turned my attention to a blond girl, narrowing her eyes at me.  
I shrugged, "I don't mind them?"  
The blond girl smiled, "I think they're lovely."  
I didn't like her one bit. Her blond hair hung in waves down her back, and she had clearly mastered the art of not breathing since her shirt was so tight.  
She must have noticed me staring at her because her eyes widened in panic, "Oh my God, do I have paint on me or something?!" She scanned her clothes frantically, "This is all I need."  
"No. You're fine." I muttered. Trust me to sit next to her.  
"You're new here, right?" She asked, dipping her brush in some water.  
I sighed, "Yeah." How long until people stopped asking me the obvious?  
"Yeah, I figured. You look so _pale_." She smirked.  
I threw a sarcastic smile her way, "No, _really_? I hadn't noticed."  
"Rosalie!" Mr. Dawson growled, "Eyes on your own canvas please."  
The blond girl, who I now knew was Rosalie smiled sweetly at him, "Sorry, sir. Just getting to know the new girl."  
Rolling my eyes, I dipped my brush in some paint and began the assignment.  
Couldn't he have placed something less cheery in front of me? Like a fucking teapot or something? I groaned inwardly, this had to be the longest day of my entire fucking life.

True to her word, Alice met me by my locker.  
"Hey! How's your day going so far?" She leaned against the lockers, grinning widely.  
"It's been okay." I answered honestly, "Kinda dragging in."  
Alice smiled sympathetically, "Yeah. Well, do you wanna eat inside or outside? It's nice outside. But we can sit inside if you want, I don't mind. I'm sure the others will find us anyway." There she goes again, talking a hundred miles a second.  
"Whatever you wanna do is fine." I mumbled, shutting my locker.  
I followed her through the crowded cafeteria. It's was bigger than the one in Forks High. So much bigger. I wasn't really that hungry, so I settled on an apple and a bottle of water.  
Alice led me to a table right next to a door, which led outside.  
"So what did you do over the summer?" Alice asked, placing a napkin onto her lap.  
I blinked a few times. She was forward. "I uh…I went on vacation." I shrugged, like it was nothing. She didn't need to know the details.  
"I love going away in summer. My family and I only go away for like, two weeks. I've always wanted to spend the full summer somewhere. Did you?" She grinned. She seemed like she was genuinely interested in getting to know me.  
"Yeah, my dad and I, we-"  
"Oh my God!" She squeaked, "The whole summer? Where did you go? Did you have a fling? Those are the best kind of summers."  
Jesus Christ, what was her obsession with summer? I felt my face burn with embarrassment and I knew she noticed. She smiled knowingly and winked, "That good, huh?"  
I shook my head in astonishment. This girl got over excited about everything. And what was it to her if I did meet someone on vacation? I've only known her for five minutes! I wasn't about to spill my secrets about Edward to someone I've just met.  
Alice bounced in her seat, "Here comes Jasper," She sang, "And Edward!"  
My body went ice cold at the sound of his name. Edward?  
No. It couldn't be.  
 _Maybe you heard her wrong_.  
Please, God, don't let it be him. It couldn't be him. I hadn't seen him all day. This couldn't be happening to me. Of all the high schools in Phoenix, he had to be here.  
 _Oh shut up, Swan. It's probably not who you think_.  
I glued my eyes to the table. Terrified of confirming my suspicions. I covered most of my face with my hair. My stomach was practically doing summersaults.  
"Who are you?" His voice was low, irritated.  
I took a deep breath. _Yep, your luck has just officially ran out.  
_ "Oh this is Bella. She's just moved here from Washington." I wanted to punch Alice straight in the jaw.  
I glanced up to see his face. My breathing hitched. Fuck no.  
"Hi, Bella. I'm Jasper." I tore my eyes away from Edward's face and forced a smile at the boy before me. His blond hair was swooped over to the right and the kindest of smiles graced his lips.  
"Hi." I breathed, before turning my attention back to Edward. His green eyes were filled with confusion, frustration and anger as he stared back at me. He looked just how I remembered if not more handsome. I could feel the tension from him, even from across the table. His nostrils flared. He recognised me. He knew who I was. And he wasn't happy. He ran his hand through his unruly bronze coloured hair, "Washington, eh? You're a long way from home." He narrowed his eyes as he sat down, facing me.  
"So, Edward before you rudely interrupted us, we were discussing summer flings." Alice shook her head at him disapprovingly, suddenly offended that he ruined the conversation.  
"Summer flings? They're pointless." His voice was low, he sounded annoyed. He clenched his fists on the table. I could tell he was trying to keep calm.  
 _Breathe, Swan._  
"They're romantic." Alice quipped as she smiled up at, who I assumed was Jasper.  
"Only because they guy is trying to be nice to you so he can get laid." Edward spat.  
His words cut through me like a knife. Is that all I was to him?  
Jasper snorted, "Come on, man. Like you would even know a thing about flings."  
"I'm going for a smoke." I mumbled, standing up.  
Alice shot me a curious look before nodding, "That's okay." She replied  
"I wasn't asking permission." I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the cafeteria.  
Eric was right. It could get worse. It just fucking did.

I leaned against a tree, smoking what must have been my third cigarette in ten minutes.  
 _Calm down, Bella.  
_ I couldn't. My hands wouldn't stop shaking.  
"What are you doing here?"  
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I could be mean back. I could stand my own ground. I turned to face Edward, squaring my shoulders, "What's it to you?" I hissed.  
He scoffed, "What's it to _me_?" He asked incredulously, "You're here. In Phoenix. In _my_ fucking high school, Bella. So what the fuck?" Anger flashed in his eyes and I could see he was trying to keep calm.  
I didn't expect him to be so furious over this. Well, I didn't expect to even see him again. I hoped with all my soul I didn't have to run into him.  
"Are you here because you turned into some crazy stalker or some shit? Jesus Christ, Bella, first you call me and now you show up here? We made a fucking deal." He shook his head as he lit his own cigarette. He took a deep draw, closing his eyes.  
It looked hot.  
 _So not the time, Swan._  
"No. I didn't even know you went to this school." I mumbled, staring at the ground.  
 _Just tell him. Tell him the truth_.  
"You better not tell anyone, I swear to God. I have a life here. A _girlfriend._ You don't fit into my world here." He spat. His emerald green eyes burned deep into my soul. They were different. Guarded and unkind.  
I swallowed thickly at his words. Was he trying to hurt me? Was this the same boy I spent the summer with? I wanted to put my smoke out on his fucking eye.  
I shook my head, "I wouldn't dream of ruining your perfect fucking life." I stubbed my cigarette out, "Don't you fucking worry." I hissed as I passed him to go back inside.  
"You're nothing to me." He growled when I passed him. His words held so much venom and hatred. What happened to the sweet, kind boy I spent four weeks with?

I couldn't stop the tears that escaped my eyes. I pushed open the doors to the girl's toilets and stormed into a cubicle.  
Between my father's illness, moving, and now this? I was closer to a full on breakdown that I had anticipated.  
"Fuck!" I kicked the toilet cubicle and leaned my forehead against the wall. My shoulders shook uncontrollably as I cried.  
Finally crying.

I stormed into my next class. Biology.  
My sorrow replaced with rage. How dare he speak to me like that. Like I was nothing to him. Like we never shared anything.  
 _Asshole!_  
I noticed Alice at the back of the class, gesturing for me to join her.  
I stormed toward her, settling in my seat.  
Mr. Banner, my teacher, smirked at me, "Would you like to introduce yourself to the class please, Miss Swan."  
I almost choked. Public speaking was not my strong suit. "Are you serious?" I gaped. None of the other teachers made me do this.  
Just then the door opened and the asshole himself came walking in, a smirk plastered on his face.  
"Mr. Cullen, you're just in time. Miss Swan is about to introduce herself."  
Edward scoffed and threw himself down on his seat, leaning back.  
I gingerly stood and made my way to the front of the class, swallowing bike that threatened to escape.  
"Uh…" I stared at the floor, not knowing what to say. My confidence from earlier had abandoned me.  
"Start with saying your name and then how you've come to attend West Phoenix High." Mr. Banner gave me a reassuring smile, thinking he must've helped me in some way. Instead, he sounded condescending.  
I smiled sarcastically, "Yeah thanks."  
I turned to face the class again, "Uh, my name is Bella. I'm seventeen." I took a deep breath, finding myself locking eyes with Edward.  
 _Screw him, Swan_.  
I sighed to myself, finding my confidence again, "I'm here because my dad has been diagnosed with Cancer and we had to move here to get better treatment."  
Edward's smirk faltered.  
 _Yes, feel bad, you dick._  
"I wouldn't worry," I said calmly, looking right at him, "I'm not planning on staying longer than I have to."


	6. Dirty Little Secret (Edward POV)

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Someone asked for an Edward POV. Luckily, I was in the process of writing one! =)**

* * *

 **Edward POV  
**

The annoying tone of my alarm clock pulled me from sleep. 06.30.  
So I've had three hours sleep, big deal. I rolled out my bed, groaning when I rolled my head from side to side. My whole body ached.  
The events of last night were hazy at best. But the headache I was now suffering confirmed how much I drank. I flexed my arms and stood, grabbing a towel from the cupboard.  
"Morning, bro!" Emmett grinned as he exited the bathroom. He was always cheery in the morning. The epitome of a morning person was our Emmett.  
"Whatever." I wasn't in the mood this morning.  
The welcome heat of the shower relaxed my entire body. I leaned my forehead against the wall, allowing the water to beat down on my back.  
Today was going to be a long day, I could feel it in my bones. I lifted my face to the shower and sighed. Same old routine.  
How long until I could leave this place? How long until I could say 'adios motherfucker'?  
 _Not long. Not long at all.  
_ I left the shower and stormed to my room, passing my father in the process.  
"Good morning, son." He smiled simply.  
"Whatever." I closed the door on him and began to dress. There was nothing good about this morning. Nothing.

"Are you coming home for lunch today, boys?" My mother asked, sitting a cup of coffee in front of me. She was immaculately dressed in a pale purple dress, and of course, skyscraper heels. My mother always looked beautiful.  
Emmett shrugged, "I'll see what Rosalie is doing."  
My mother turned her loving gaze toward me, "No." I took a bite of my poptart and smirked.  
"Okay. Well, your father and I won't be home when you get home after school. He's working late tonight and I have a dinner to attend." She began packing her bag, smiling to herself. "So, there's food in the fridge for your dinner, or I can leave money and you can order in?" She brushed a stray strand of her auburn hair behind her ear and smiled warmly.  
"Whatever."  
 _Thirty minutes to go_.  
Emmett sighed, "Just ignore him, Mom. He's hungover."  
My eyes narrowed, "Snitch."  
"Hungover? Really, Edward?" My mom shook her head disapprovingly, "You knew you had school this morning!"  
I groaned. Not another lecture.  
"What's happened to the Edward from summer? Where did he go?" She murmured, lifting her car keys, "I preferred him." She gave me a pointed look before kissing mine and Emmett's head and going out the door.  
What happened? She left. She left and I missed her phone call. That's what happened.

I slammed my car door and stalked toward the school entrance, not even bothering to wait on my brother. Let's get this over with.  
I spotted Jane skipping toward me. A slow, lazy smirk graced my lips. "Hey babe." I kissed her forehead and slung my arm around her shoulders.  
"Hey yourself." She whispered, leaning her head against my shoulder. She looked good in her tiny cheerleading ensemble. Almost too good. _Good enough to eat.  
_ I scoffed to myself. Who the fuck was I kidding?  
"You free after school tonight?" Jane gazed up at me, her blue eyes pleading.  
"Why?"  
"I thought...I thought we could, you know?" A blush appeared on her cheeks as she bit her lip.  
I snorted, "Sorry, love. I have a date with my own bed." I removed my arm from her shoulders and started toward my locker.  
Jane and I had been dating for a few months now. Four to be exact. It felt like years. She had an exceptional gift of making time feel like it was dragging in. It's her personality. She's about as vibrant and interesting as a pencil eraser.  
"Hey man." Jasper leaned against my locker and sighed.  
"What's up?" I responded, swapping books for first period.  
"Not much. You seen Alice anywhere?"  
I shook my head, "Just got here." I slammed my locker shut and groaned inwardly when I spotted Rosalie walking towards us.  
"Good morning, Edward." She smirked, leaning her elbow on Jasper's shoulder. Jasper sighed, staring at her tiredly.  
"Good morning to you too, Jasper."  
I rolled my eyes, "My brother is still outside."  
Rosalie's eyes lit up, "Good. Thank you." She blew me a kiss before linking arms with Jane and wandering off outside. What did Emmett see in her? Aside from her ass? I cocked a brow, watching her retreating figure. Her blond hair hung in waves down her back, and her ass jiggled in her pale blue skinny jeans when she walked. Nah, still didn't see the appeal.  
Emmett and Rosalie had been dating since freshman year and they seemed to be more in love every fucking day.  
I hated Rosalie to begin with. She was sickly sweet and polite, but now, I guess my 'fuck it' attitude rubbed off on her because now she's slowly turning into a head case.  
Jasper slapped my chest, nodding behind me, "Alice has found a new girl to take care of." He sighed. I turned my head to see Alice talking animatedly to a brunette girl, dressed plainly in black skinnies and an oversize jumper. Had to admit, from behind, she looked alright.  
"What is it with her helping out the newbies?" I muttered, shaking my head.  
Jasper snorted behind me, "Fuck knows. She thinks it's good karma or some shit."  
"Yeah. Or some shit." I turned back to Jasper and smirked, "Last night was fun."  
"Yeah. Remind me never to cut you lines again." He chuckled, shaking his head.  
I scoffed, "I wasn't the one who made the mess. Blame Jane for that one. Fucking amateur."  
"Still, Edward. What happened to 'sobriety'?" Jasper cocked a brow and smirked.  
"It took the next flight out." I muttered sourly.

Emmett plopped down next to me, neatly organising his homework for Mr. Varner.  
"Are you serious?" I snapped, watching him take great precautions to ensure that everything was where it was meant to be.  
Emmett sighed, "What now?"  
"You should ask dad to check your brain. Maybe you have OCD or some shit."  
"Seriously, dude? What the fuck? You've been in a bad mood all morning. What gives?"  
I growled, couldn't he just leave me alone? It's bad enough I live with the guy, and now I have to sit next to him in Trig.  
Mr. Varner stormed into the class, coffee mug in his hand and a furious expression on his face. It seemed like I wasn't the only one having a shitty morning.  
"Good morning." He muttered, not bothering to look at the class, "Pick up where you left off yesterday."  
I was thankful he stormed in, it meant I didn't have to listen to Emmett droning on and on my attitude, and no doubt something about Rosalie would've got thrown into the mix.  
"Dude, I can't figure out this one." Emmett pointed his meaty finger at the page.  
"Tough luck." I replied, tired. Like I was a genius? I wasn't even writing anything down.  
Emmett growled under his breath, "Something happened to you, man. I don't know what, but you better sort your shit out."  
Rolling my eyes, I stood up, grabbing my books.  
"Mr. Cullen, where do you think you're going?" Mr. Varner's eyes narrowed so much that I swear he couldn't see me anymore.  
"I'm bored. So I'm leaving."  
I stalked out the room, ignoring the teacher's protests. Fuck him. Fuck Emmett. Fuck everything.

I decided to spend the morning in the library, hiding out from my friends.  
I just wanted to be left alone. My stomach was in knots, my head pounding from my stupid hangover. And I couldn't shake this uneasy feeling inside my gut. It wasn't like sickness uneasy, but shits about to hit the fan uneasy. I sat a book in front of me, making it look like I was doing something so the librarian wouldn't kick me out.  
It was peaceful in here. I could think straight.  
My mind kept playing _that night_ over and over. I hadn't realised she had called until it was too late. I was too busy getting drunk, and not giving a fuck.  
Ever since she left to go back to Forks I had been feeling empty. Alone. Sure, I had Jane. But we had nothing in common. She was a spoiled brat who was only with me cause it gave her even more cool points. Rosalie joked that Jane and I were the perfect couple once. I scoffed, _yeah right_. If you call constant fighting perfect. I needed someone to fill the void when Bella fucked off home.  
 _She broke your deal._  
Yeah. She did. And it was fucking stupid.  
Was I overthinking this? Maybe she didn't mean to call me. Maybe she butt dialled me or some shit. She never called back so it must've been a mistake or her part, right? And the voicemail she left was silent. She didn't leave a message. Should I have called her back?  
 _Would you like a skirt to match your vagina, Cullen?_  
I scowled at myself. Yeah, okay. I was acting like a little bitch. I had to get over this. It was a 'fling' – God I hated that word – nothing else. Nothing more.  
I had a reputation to maintain and moping around second guessing everything wouldn't cut it.  
"Hey man." I looked up, finding Jasper smirking above me.  
"Hey."  
"When you weren't in English, I thought you had skipped the full day and went back home." He chuckled, sitting across from me. He was a good guy. Trustworthy. Jasper had been my closest friend ever since we were kids.  
"Nah. I have to take Jane home after school." I muttered, sighing.  
"Oh right, yeah. Cause her dad's out of town." Jasper nodded in understanding, "It's almost lunchtime." He commented, staring at the clock above the shelves of books, "I wonder if Alice has succeeded in convincing the new girl to join us."  
I rolled my eyes, "God, I hope not." That was the last thing I needed right now. Jane was going to be at cheerleading practice which meant I had to sit with Emmett and the rest of them.  
"Come on." Jasper stood, walking toward the door. I reluctantly followed. I didn't want to leave my safe haven.  
 _Safe haven? Really? It's a fucking library._  
I snorted to myself and followed Jasper to the cafeteria.

Grabbing a tray, I looked around, spotting Alice and the new girl with their backs to me.  
"She succeeded." I mumbled, elbowing Jasper in the ribs.  
Jasper tutted and grabbed his own tray, "Great." I payed for my lunch and walked with Jasper to the table.  
"Here comes Jasper!" Alice squeaked, "And Edward."  
The new girl stared at the table, hands shaking as they sat in her lap. What was her problem? Was she having some sort of seizure? She didn't bother looking up when I sat down, which irritated the crap out of me.  
"Who are you?" I tried to keep my voice calm but I doubt it worked.  
"Oh this is Bella. She just moved here from Washington." Alice grinned.  
My eyes widened in sheer panic. It couldn't be. There was no way in hell.  
 _Let me see your face, God dammit.  
_ I clenched my fists and glared at the girl. She looked at me then. Fuck me. It's _her_.  
She looked absolutely terrified. She should.  
"Hi Bella. I'm Jasper." Bella tore her eyes from mine and looked up at Jasper, smiling politely, "Hi." She answered before turning her dear-caught-in-headlights-eyes back to mine.  
"Washington, eh?" I growled, running my hand through my hair "You're a long way from home." What the fuck was she doing here? Is this why she called me? Nobody could know about us. Nobody! And here she was, about to fuck everything up just because she missed me or some shit.  
"So, Edward before you rudely interrupted us, we were discussing summer flings." I tore my eyes from Bella to see Alice shaking her head at me.  
"Summer flings? They're pointless." I spat. I couldn't help the words coming out of my mouth. I was angry. No, furious.  
"They're romantic!" Alice argued, hugging Jasper's arm.  
I clenched my fists again, reminding myself to breathe, "Only because the guy is trying to be nice to you so he can get laid." Okay, I didn't mean that. I regretted that as soon as I said it. Bella's eyes dropped the table.  
 _Nice going.  
_ "Come on, man. Like you would even know a thing about flings." Jasper laughed, pulling Alice closer to him.  
"I'm going for a smoke." Bella stood abruptly, grabbing her bag.  
"That's okay." Alice smiled.  
"I wasn't asking permission." Bella hissed, storming outside. Bitch was feisty.  
I dragged my hands through my hair and took a deep breath.  
 _You fucked up, Cullen.  
_ Well, it's not like I had expected her to suddenly appear here, did I?  
"Nice going, asshole. You scared Bella!" Alice narrowed her eyes at me.  
"How?"  
"Your mood." She rolled her eyes, "Seriously, can't you just be nice?"  
I stared at the pizza on my tray in disbelief. I wanted to go after her. I wanted to apologise. I wanted to pull her against my chest and take back the words I said.  
 _Time to be an asshole again, Cullen_.  
I gritted my teeth, "Would it make you feel better if I go apologise to her?" I couldn't believe this.  
Alice smiled in return, "Yeah, actually."  
Jasper chuckled and kissed the top of Alice's head, "There's a first."  
I narrowed my eyes at him and stood up, "Shut up."

I made my way outside, muttering profanities to myself. I was the biggest asshole in this God forsaken piece of shit school and I had to maintain that.  
 _Not with her_.  
I groaned at myself, definitely not with her. I spotted her then, leaning against a tree, smoking. She looked so defeated.  
"What are you doing here?" I asked, standing behind her.  
Bella took a deep breath and muttered something to herself before turning around. Her brown eyes glared back at me, "What's it to you?" She snapped.  
What the fuck? I found myself glaring right back, "What's it to _me_?" I hissed, "You're here. In Phoenix. In _my_ fucking high school, Bella. So what the fuck?" I could feel my anger reaching boiling point. I never expected her to hold her own and talk back. I came out here to apologise for Christ's sake and here she was, talking back to me. "Are you here because you've turned into some crazy stalker or some shit? Jesus Christ, Bella, we made a fucking deal."  
A deal that she broke, twice now. A deal that I wish I had never made with her in the first place. I patted my pockets for my own cigarettes and put one to my lips. I took a deep drag, closing my eyes, enjoying the feel of the smoke filling my lungs. This would calm me down, surely.  
"No." She mumbled, her eyes fixated on the ground, "I didn't even know you went to this school."  
"You better not tell anyone, I swear to God," I hissed, the last thing people needed to know was that, I, Edward fucking Cullen was in love. "I have a life here. A _girlfriend_. You don't fit into my world here."  
 _Yeah, asshole, say it like that why don't you.  
_ She shook her head then, finally finding courage to look up at me, "I wouldn't dream of ruining your perfect fucking life." She spat, throwing her cigarette on the ground, "Don't you fucking worry." She brushed by me.  
I wanted to grab her, but instead I said the worst possible thing I could have, "You're nothing to me."  
 _You fucking liar. She's everything._

The bell sounded, signalling the end of lunch. I had remained outside after my little altercation with Bella. I couldn't be bothered listening to a thousand questions from Alice. I wanted to calm myself down. Part of me wanted to go after Bella, but the other part? Well, it wasn't so eager.  
 _Suck it up, Cullen_.  
I couldn't argue with myself. That's all I could do. Put on my façade.  
I walked leisurely to class, "Mr. Cullen, you're just in time. Miss Swan is about to introduce herself."  
I smirked, brushing by him and slumped into my seat. This should be interesting.  
Bella slowly made her way to the front of the class. I noticed her eyes were red and swollen. She had been crying.  
 _You motherfucker._  
My smirk stayed on my face as I watched her stare at the floor.  
"Uh…" She was nervous, uncomfortable.  
"Start with saying your name and then how you've come to attend West Phoenix High." Mr. Banner smiled, trying to encourage her.  
She turned to him and smiled sarcastically, "Yeah. Thanks."  
I smirked again, I loved how feisty she was.  
"Uh, my name is Bella. I'm seventeen." She took a deep breath and locked eyes with mine. Big brown eyes.  
"I'm here because my dad has been diagnosed with Cancer and we had to move here to get better treatment."  
My smirk faded. Was she serious?  
 _Good going, Cullen. There was you thinking she was here for you._  
"I wouldn't worry." She started, staring right at me, talking directly to me and only me, "I'm not planning on staying longer than I have to."  
She turned to Mr. Banner and sighed, "Can I sit back down now?"  
He smiled sympathetically and nodded, "Of course."

Well, didn't I feel like the biggest dickhead on the planet.


	7. Falling Inside the Black

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **P.S The hate for Edward is mutual!**

* * *

 **Bella POV**

This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all.  
I was stuck in high school with the one boy who had the power to break my heart. The one boy, who, with his words succeeded in breaking my heart. I left school, mentally kicking myself for what happened in Biology. In theory, it was a good idea, to call him out. But as soon as I did, I immediately regretted it.  
I scurried back to my seat next to Alice as fast as my feet could carry me, almost tripping over the table in the process.  
My face burned with humiliation. The whole class didn't need to know my personal details. My _father's_ personal details. Why couldn't I have said I was here because...okay, I had no other idea. But still!  
When I got back to Alice, she smiled sympathetically and pulled me into a hug, whispering her apologies.

"Hey, Bells." My dad kissed the top of my head and sat his bag of pills down on the table.  
"Hey. How was chemo?" I asked, eyeing the bag.  
"It was okay. I haven't had any side effects yet, so that's good." He chuckled, examining a bottle of painkillers.  
"When have you to go back?"  
"I've to see Dr. Cullen tomorrow, I think he wants to talk about the surgery again."  
I nodded, picking at the skin around my nail, "Do you want me to go with you?"  
"You have school, Bells. I'll be fine. Speaking of which, how was your first day?" He grinned, sitting down in the chair next to me.  
"Fine." I breathed, "I'm not behind on anything, which is good."  
My dad smiled, "Good stuff, kiddo. I'm starving," He muttered, standing, "I'm gonna put on some pasta. Do you want some?"  
I shook my head, "Nah. I'm good. I had a big lunch." I lied.  
He cocked a brow, but nodded anyway, "Suit yourself."

We spent the night watching shitty movies on tv. And by shitty, I mean shitty. Some horror movie where the lead gets killed by her husband.  
"The special effects are crap." My dad sighed, shaking his head.  
"You're the one that wanted to watch this." I laughed, reaching for the popcorn.  
He rolled his eyes, "I know."  
I glanced at the clock and almost died. 11pm. "Uh, dad?"  
"Yeah?"  
"It's late. We should get to bed." I switched the tv off and stood, stretching my muscles.  
"Yeah." He yawned as he stood, "Sorry. I didn't realise."  
I smiled as he put his arm around me, "Don't apologise. Despite the shitty movie, I had fun."  
He kissed the top of my head, "Good night, kid. I'm gonna get a glass of water."  
I nodded and made my way up to my bedroom, yawning to myself. I shut the door and leaned against it. School tomorrow. Edward tomorrow.  
I wasn't sure if I would be able to hold my own again.  
I changed into my sweats and crawled into bed, hugging myself to sleep.

The heat here is unbearable. Even showering proves to be an effort.  
I stood under the shower, contemplating how I was going to tackle today.  
Just get through my classes, and hide out at lunch, and run right back home. It seemed great in theory, but I forgot about Alice. She would be all over me like a rash.  
I stepped out of the shower, wrapping myself in a towel. After brushing my teeth, I stood staring at my reflection, wondering when the hell my nose got sunburn.  
After dressing, I made my way down to the kitchen. I still wasn't used to this house. I wonder how long it would take me.  
"Hey kid." My dad coughed.  
"Are you okay?" I furrowed my brows.  
"Yeah, yeah." He mumbled, getting himself a glass of water. He doubled over the sink coughing, and choking for breath.  
"Dad!" I hurried to him, putting my hand on his back, "Dad, seriously. Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, Bells." He choked, "I'm just..." He coughed again, spitting blood into the sink, "It's just a cough."  
"It's not a cough!" I screeched, grabbing the phone, "I'm calling an ambulance."  
With shaky hands, I dialled 911 and hoped to all Gods an ambulance would show up quickly.  
"It's fine, kid." My dad, leaned against the unit, wiping his mouth before another cough started. What the hell was happening?

I paced the waiting room, back and forth, for what felt like a century. The ambulance arrived, took his blood pressure and then whisked him away to the hospital. What if it had spread to his lungs? He was goosed.  
I shook my head, _don't think like that._  
He had to be okay. He had to be.  
"Miss Swan?"  
I turned to see Dr. Cullen walking toward me.  
"Is he okay? What's wrong?" I crossed my arms, unfolded them, and crossed them again. God, I was fidgety.  
Dr. Cullen smiled, "Absolutely nothing. What your father was experiencing was a side effect from the anticoagulants."  
"The anti-what?"  
"The Warfarin prescribed to prevent blood clotting." He explained.  
I sighed in relief, "So, what happens now? He was meant to be getting surgery scheduled today. Will that get pushed back?"  
"I was hoping to have the surgery scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, but we're now looking at Friday, next Monday at the latest." He wrote something down in his chart and smiled warmly at me, "Breathe, Miss Swan. Your father is okay."  
"Bella." I breathed, "It's Bella."  
Dr. Cullen nodded, "Bella. Well, you can go in and see your father if you'd like." He gestured towards one of the hospital rooms, "Right in there."  
"Thanks." I smiled, walking into the room.  
My father smiled widely when he saw me, "Hey, kiddo!"  
"You scared me, Dad." I sighed, sitting beside him on the bed, "Don't do that again. Please."  
He took my hand in his and shook his head, "I won't." He had an IV in, and a sick bowl by his bed. "You're eighteen soon, right?"  
I scoffed, "Yeah. Next week." Not that I was counting the days or anything.  
"What do you wanna do?" He asked, squeezing my hand.  
"Nothing. I don't want to do anything. We can just order pizza or something." I smiled, laying down next to him.  
"Okay. If that's what you want to do, kid."  
As long as I was with my dad, I didn't care what the hell I did for my birthday.

Visiting hours were over and I was reluctant to leave. Even though he was okay, I didn't want to go in case anything happened.  
"We'll take good care of him." The nurse smiled, holding the door open for me.  
I nodded and glanced over at my dad who was sound asleep. "Call me if anything happens." I whispered, walking out into the hallway.  
The hospital was quiet and empty except from the nurses catching up on paperwork.  
I pushed open the main door and took a deep breath. Even at night it was humid.  
I didn't want to go back home. Back to that big empty house, alone. I chewed my lip and began walking. I didn't know where the hell I was going, I just needed to clear my head.  
 _Just go home, Swan_.  
No. I couldn't face it. It was like life was foreshadowing something that I didn't want to believe. I had to let it go. I had to find a way to breathe.  
I continued walking, passing open bars. The smell of stale alcohol and cigarettes was somewhat inviting. I rounded the corner and that's when I spotted him, leaning against a brick wall.  
"Hey man." He grinned going in for a hand shake.  
"Hey." The other guy smirked, pocketing something.  
I knew immediately what was going down. I wanted to be part of it. The dealer stood, talking in quiet whispers to the other guy. I stayed far enough away that I could watch them without being noticed.  
"Well, thanks for this Jake. I owe you." The guy patted his shoulder and stumbled off into the night.  
I straightened up and walked calmly towards this Jake character. Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders, allowing my confidence to build. I could do this. How hard could it be?  
 _No, Swan_.  
"Hey!"  
Jake turned and rolled his eyes, "What do you want, princess?"  
Princess? I scoffed, "I'm hardly a princess." I retorted, crossing my arms, "I want in." I nodded toward his pocket and smirked.  
He was hot. Really hot. His hair was dark, sitting in disarray, his skin sallow and his muscles. Fuck, don't get me started on his muscles.  
He chuckled, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black skinny jeans, "What are you talking about?" He leaned back against the wall and watched me carefully.  
"I saw you deal something to that guy. I want something."  
"I can't help you." He shook his head and began walking away.  
"Wait!" I grabbed his arm, pulling him back, "I've just moved here. I can't exactly get my old dealer from Washington to help me out, can I?" I lied. I never had a dealer. Unless you want to call Mike a dealer.  
Jake sighed, putting his hands into his leather jacket, "How old are you?"  
"Eighteen." Well, in a week I would be.  
Jake studied me carefully, his deep brown eyes turning softer as he took pity on me. "What're you after?"  
"Just some weed." I mumbled, that's it. That's all I wanted. Just something to get me slightly buzzed and numb.  
Jake sighed, "You've picked your poison." He muttered, discreetly handing me the small bag.  
"How much?" I question, lifting my head to look at his face.  
"It's on me…for now."  
We exchanged numbers and said our goodbye.  
 _Well done, now what are you going to do?_  
I'm gonna get wasted. That's what I'm gonna fucking do.  
I stared at his number in my phone. I had a feeling I'd be calling this 'Jacob Black' for another score very, very soon.

Being stoned by yourself is not as fun as I thought it would be. Sure it calmed me down and allowed me to forget some things, but hitting the munchies at 3am when there's only broccoli in the fridge is not good. Not good at all. I never went to bed when I got home, I stayed up, enjoying my high.  
I glanced at the clock, "Shit." I was late for school. I pulled on my jeans and shirt, grabbed my bag and hurried out of the door. My eyes were bloodshot and swollen, and my hair looked like a rat's nest but I didn't give a fuck.  
 _Fix it when I get to school_.  
The halls were empty when I arrived. Everyone was in class. I was an hour late.  
Maybe if I just sat in the library until next period it wouldn't look as bad. I was so not going to crash into a class halfway through.  
I ditched some stuff in my locker and ascended the stairs to the library.  
The librarian smiled at me as I walked in. I scanned the shelves, looking for something that would keep me occupied for the next hour.  
Once I settled on Hamlet, I sat down at one of the empty desks and began reading. Well, it looked like I was reading. The words on the page seemed to move around, forming new words. Was I still high? I rubbed my eyes, trying to get my senses about me. It was no use, the words didn't stay where they were supposed to. I shut the book with a sigh.  
"Hamlet's shit anyway." A voice muttered from behind me.  
 _Asshole._  
I didn't respond. I crossed my arms on the table and stared at my closed book as he sat across from me.  
"What happened to you yesterday?" Edward asked.  
I looked up at him, forgetting how to breathe when my eyes locked into his, "I…I…"  
 _Fuck off, Swan. Use your words_.  
"I had some stuff to deal with." I mumbled, playing with the corner of the front page.  
"Bella…I wanted to apologise for what I said to you. I didn't know that-"  
"Don't." I snapped, "Don't even think about it. You don't get to apologise. You don't get to feel pity or remorse or anything about this situation." I whispered angrily. He had some fucking nerve thinking I would run into his open arms, and accept any form of apology. He jumped to conclusions and that was his problem, not mine.  
Edward sighed, dragging his hand through his hair, "If I had've know, I-"  
"You what? Wouldn't have called me a stalker? Wouldn't have made me feel about two inches tall? God, Edward, fuck off." I wanted to punch his pretty little face. He made his feelings perfectly clear the other day. If anything, this 'apology' was just making me angrier about the whole situation.  
"Why do you even care anyway?" I sighed, shaking my head, "It's not like I mean anything to you, right?" I muttered, throwing his words back at him.  
Edward looked down at the table, a frown creeping it's way onto his face, "I guess not."  
I turned away from him, "Shouldn't you be in class anyway?"  
"Shouldn't _you_?" He retorted, "And by the way," He stood up, grabbing his books, "You look like shit." He chuckled as he started walking away.  
"Fuck you." I whispered, but I don't think he heard me.  
Fuck him to the deepest black hole on earth.

Alice grabbed my hand and dragged me to the table, "Where were you yesterday? I had to sit through Calculus alone!" She pouted, wrapping herself around Jasper's arm.  
Jasper sighed, "This was all I heard yesterday." He mumbled, picking at his burger.  
I smiled, "Sorry. I had a thing." I waved my hand, dismissing the conversation, "Did I miss anything?"  
Rosalie sat down next to me, slamming her tray onto the table, "I swear, if Emmett so much as _tries_ to get me to go out tonight I'm gonna castrate him." She growled. I stared at her in surprise, what happened to the sweet girl from Art class? What happened to her in the space of a day?  
Alice rolled her eyes, "What's happened now?"  
"The big idiot took me out last night and spent more time checking out the waitress than having an actual conversation with me. He said he was gonna make it up to me tonight but-"  
"Oh, sweetie!" Alice shook her head, "You just have to dress to impress." She wiggled her eyebrows and grinned. What the fuck was going on right now? I dragged my hand through my hair, my fingers getting caught in all the knots.  
 _Yeah, attractive_.  
Edward arrived then, with who I assumed was Emmett.  
"Hey!" He grinned, "You're Bella, right?"  
I nodded.  
"Emmett Cullen." He extended his giant hand for a handshake.  
I put my hand in his and almost cried out from the pain he inflicted. Jesus Christ, he was unaware of his own strength.  
"Anyway, you better not bail on me for Biology, Bella." Alice pointed her fork at me and frowned.  
I smirked, "Of course not."  
Emmett grinned again, turning his attention from Rosalie to me, "So, how are you liking Phoenix?"  
I glanced at Edward, he was staring at his lunch so intently that I thought it was secretly offending him, "It could be better. Not really a fan of the weather." I responded, looking back to Emmett.  
"You'll get used to it." He nodded, taking a bite of his burger.  
Rosalie scowled at him, "You're such an idiot."  
I stared at my lap, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.  
"Are you okay?" Jasper asked, watching me.  
I nodded, "Fine."  
"How's your dad?" Alice asked, surprising me. All five sets of eyes were suddenly staring right at me.  
I squirmed under their gaze, "He's…okay."  
"Good. I'm glad to hear that." Alice smiled, pushing her tray away.  
I nodded in thanks, feeling awkward.  
"Is that why you weren't here yesterday Did something happen to him?" Edward asked, raising a brow. Seriously, again with the questions? Why couldn't he just shut up?  
"No." I answered through clenched teeth, "And it's none of your business anyway."  
Emmett chuckled, elbowing Edward in the ribs "You've met your match, Cullen."

I snorted to myself. He was hardly my match. Not anymore, anyway.


	8. Better Than Drugs

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Thanks for love guys!**

* * *

 **Edward POV**

Where was she? Why wasn't she here?  
 _You've probably scared her off._  
I shook my head, leaning against my locker. No. I didn't believe that. She could stand up to me. I saw it yesterday. And it was fucking refreshing.  
"Hey." Jane snuggled against my chest and smiled.  
"Hi." I mumbled, "Don't you have practice?"  
She shook her head, "No. Coach Clapp cancelled. Hospital appointment or something." She sucked on a lollipop and twirled her blond hair.  
I nodded, pushing myself off the locker.  
"What's wrong?" Jane pouted, holding onto my arm. Her touch was starting to make my skin crawl.  
"Nothing." I pulled my arm free and sighed, "I just want to be left alone today, okay?"  
"Fine." She sighed, backing away from me, "I'll see you at lunch, I guess." She turned on her heel and skipped off to her cheerleader friends.  
What did I see in her? Nothing. Sweet fuck all. She was merely a distraction. And not a welcome one at that.  
I stuffed my hands into my pockets and stalked off outside. Fresh air. I spotted Jasper and Alice sitting on one of the nearby benches.  
"Where's the new girl?" I asked, walking toward them.  
Alice shrugged, "She hasn't been in all day."  
I sighed, pulling my cigarettes out of my leather jacket, "Right."  
Jasper smirked, watching me, "You know, you really should try and quit. Do you know what that stuff does to your lungs?"  
I snorted, lighting my smoke, "Do you know that I don't care?" I retorted, taking a draw.  
Jasper sighed, "Whatever, man. Don't come crying to me when you get sick."  
I sat on the bench, sitting across from them, "Do you think Bella will be in at lunch?"  
Alice gave me a curious look, "I don't know. I hope everything is okay, though." She mumbled, "Did you know her father has Cancer?" She turned to Jasper and sighed, "She told the class yesterday. It was so sad. That's why she's here. Her dad needed better treatment."  
Jasper shook his head, pulling Alice closer to him, "That sucks."  
I swallowed back bile. How could I have been so reckless? How could I justify the words I said?  
I couldn't. I couldn't take it back. And it fucking killed me.  
I tried to catch her after Biology to apologise but she rushed out, I couldn't keep up with her.  
She wasn't here today, which sucked. I wanted to grovel, beg her to forgive me. She didn't need me talking shit to her, not with everything she had going on.  
I shouldn't have been talking shit to her anyway. I should have been overjoyed she was here.  
 _You love her._  
Is it possible to fall in love with someone you only spent four weeks with?  
My heart twinged. Yes, it was. And I did. I fucking loved her.

I decided to ditch the rest of the day. I couldn't deal with my guilt. I had to wallow.  
 _Asshole_.  
I growled at my reflection in the rear view mirror. Yes, I was an asshole. Yes, I was selfish for wanting to drown myself in my own guilt. Tomorrow will be better. I'll apologise to her, I'll make it right.  
I parked outside my house and leaned my forehead against the steering wheel, praying no one was home.  
My dad constantly worked, and my mom was constantly socialising. Perfect little family.  
I dragged myself out of my car, slammed the door and stormed into the house.  
"Anyone home?" I shouted, making a start toward the kitchen. No answer.  
I opened the fridge and scowled. Didn't anyone go shopping in this house? A glance at the clock told me it was just after one in the afternoon.  
I pulled out my phone, scrolling through my contacts until I found who I was looking for. I needed to relax. Calm myself down. Find away to get rid of my guilt and anger.  
I pressed call, put the phone to my ear and took a deep breath.  
"Hey man." I mumbled, "Can we meet?"

I drove to whole foods, figuring I could do some food shopping as well as meet him. I parked my car and stepped out, putting my sunglasses on. The sun was higher than usual, the heat almost too much. I spotted him, sitting in his Audi R8. Dickhead.  
He rolled down his window and smirked, "Hey."  
"You got it?" I asked, leaning down.  
He nodded, "Yup. This shit was hard to get, Cullen." He gave me a pointed look and sighed, "I'm not comfortable getting this stuff. This is the one and only time, okay? You're too young to be getting mixed up with this shit."  
I nodded, "Yeah, yeah."  
He extended his hand, dropping the bag into mine. I handed him the money and smirked, "Thanks, Jake. I owe you."  
He nodded and started his engine, "Yeah, you do."  
I pushed off the car and pocketed the bag, before walking into Whole Foods.

I sat at the kitchen island, picking at my sandwich when my mother walked in.  
"Oh hi, sweetie." She closed the door, walking into the kitchen. Her heels clicked against the floor. She placed her bag down on the seat next to me, "You're home early."  
I shrugged, "Didn't feel like staying in school."  
"You ditched?" She sighed, grabbing a wine glass from the cupboard, "Edward, this has got to stop."  
I scoffed, standing up, "I didn't feel like staying, okay? What's the big deal?" I threw my untouched sandwich in the bin and turned to leave.  
"Where are you going?" My mother asked.  
I turned to see her pouring herself a large glass of wine. I raised a brow, "To my room. Try and not get too drunk."  
I stormed up the stairs, slamming the door to my bedroom. Fucking typical. My mother always did the same thing when she came home. Drank herself sober. My dad hid out in his study, doing 'paperwork'. Perfect little family. They never spent any time with me and Emmett. Not that I wanted it. But it would be nice to be considered.  
I put my hand in my pocket, lifting out the bag Jake had gave me. I stared at it, contemplating my next move.  
 _Don't do it, Cullen.  
_ I wanted to listen to myself, I want to flush it down the toilet. But part of me wanted to feeling nothing for a couple of hours.  
Fuck it. I popped a pill and lay down, waiting for it to effect me.  
A sharp knock on my door caused me to bolt up, "What?" I hissed.  
The door opened, and my father stood arms crossed, "Your mother told me you ditched school today, Edward." He shook his head, "Why?"  
I lay back down and sighed, "I wasn't feeling it. I wanted to leave, so I did. It's not a big deal." I muttered. Couldn't he just fuck off and let me enjoy my building high?  
"How do you expect to get anywhere in life if you just skip school? Huh?" He snapped.  
"Leave me alone."  
My father stormed into the room, towering over me, "Where has this attitude came from?!" He growled, "You will go to school tomorrow, speak to your teachers and get the work you missed today. Got it?"  
I rolled my eyes, "Fine. Whatever." Anything to keep the peace.  
My dad took a deep breath, relaxing slightly, "Good. Dinner will be ready soon."  
I sat up, "You're having dinner with us?" I asked dubiously.  
He nodded, "Yes. I managed to get away earlier. I'm home for the night." He turned to the door, "I'll get Emmett to let you know when it's ready." He shut the door behind him.  
I stared at the door after him. That was a first. He was actually going to be home for dinner.  
What the fuck happened? This was unusual.

I stood, opened my window and took a deep breath. My skin was starting to itch. Leaning against the wall, I drew in a deep shaky breath. If anything, I was feeling more remorse for my actions. I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Fucking idiot." I whispered.  
I rubbed my eyes, and sighed. My thoughts taking me back to that day where everything went tits up.

 _"I wish I didn't have to go." Bella whispered, leaning her forehead against mine. I lifted her chin, so I could look into her beautiful brown eyes and kissed her gently_. _She grabbed my collar, pulling me closer, filling the empty space._  
 _"We'll see each other again." I whispered against her lips._  
 _She drew in a shaky breath and nodded, "Yeah."_  
 _I pulled her to my chest and kissed the top of her head, "I can't do long distance, Bella."_  
 _She nuzzled into my neck and sighed, "I know. We're just gonna have to learn how to forget each other."_  
 _I pulled back, staring at her, "You want to forget me?"_  
 _She stared down at the sand, chewing on her bottom lip, "No…I just…"_  
 _I tilted her head and smirked, "Tell me."_  
 _"I just…it's gonna be hard. You can't do long distance so, this is it. This is us over."_  
 _I closed my eyes, taking a deep calming breath, "I guess it is."_  
 _This wasn't how I wanted to say goodbye. This is not how I wanted my summer with her to end. If I had my way, she would never leave._  
 _"Let's make a deal then." I suggested, taking her hand, "We don't contact each other. No phone calls, no texts. We go back to living our lives and if you were to come back to Phoenix, we'll see each other again." I kissed her knuckles gently, waiting patiently for her response._  
 _"What happens if either one of us breaks this deal?" She mumbled, staring out toward the ocean._  
 _"We won't."_  
 _"You sound so sure of that." She smiled sadly._  
 _I chuckled, "Bella, you're going back home. You'll meet someone who can be with you, who you can see every day. Someone who…" I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked away, "Someone who will love you."_

I stared at my mother's chicken pot pie and scowled. I wasn't even remotely hungry. I stabbed at it, breaking the pastry.  
"Are you okay, son?" My father asked, taking a drink of his wine.  
I nodded, "Yeah, just not that hungry."  
My mother huffed and put down her fork, "You don't have to eat it, if you don't want to, Edward."  
I glanced over at her, "No. I will." I stabbed a carrot with my fork and shoved it into my mouth, chewing slowly.  
Emmett cleared his throat, "I'm going out with Rosalie again tonight."  
I rolled my eyes, "Why?"  
Emmett narrowed his eyes, "Because she's my _girlfriend_ and I want to see her."  
I scoffed, "Yeah, whatever."  
My mother sighed deeply, looking over at my dad, "How was your day?"  
My dad smiled, "It was good. I finally managed to schedule a surgery for next Monday."  
My mother straightened up, "Oh. Well that's good. Is it for that patient who was brought in today?"  
My father nodded, "Yes. I thought the worst when he came in. But he is doing okay now."  
"Who is it?" I found myself asking. Curiosity always got the better of me.  
"You know I can't give out that information, Edward." My dad sighed, taking another drink of his wine.  
"Sorry." I mumbled, eating some more carrots.  
I pushed my plate away, my food barely touched, "I'm going for a shower." I stood up.  
"Edward, you haven't been excused yet." My mother hissed, sitting her cutlery down on her plate.  
I turned slowly, glaring at her, "Can I be excused?"  
My mother opened her mouth to speak but my dad cut her off, "Go." He shook his head and glared at his plate.  
He was angry, I could tell.  
I made my way up to my room and collapsed onto my bed. The pills Jake gave me barely fucking touched me. All they did was give me a rash and a headache. I was beginning to wonder if he gave me a placebo.  
Asshole.  
I buried my face in my pillow and groaned loudly, this had seriously been the worst day ever.

She wasn't in again. I stood at my locker, waiting until the final warning bell rang, waiting for her to show up. She didn't.  
I stormed into Trig, slamming my books onto the table, causing Emmett to jump.  
"What the fuck, dude?"  
I narrowed my eyes at him as I sat down, "Shut up." I was angry. Angry because she wasn't here. Angry because I couldn't apologise.  
You could always call her. I snorted at myself, yeah, like she would answer.  
I opened my notebook and sighed, doodling on the pages.  
Mr. Varner walked up and down the classroom, eyeing everyone's work. He irritated the shit out of me.  
Emmett sighed beside me and turned the pages of his book. The class was too quiet and I hated it.  
I leaned back in my seat and stared up at the ceiling, counting the tiles.  
"Is there a problem, Mr Cullen?" Mr. Varner sneered.  
I shook my head, "Nope. No problem." I picked my pen up and started doodling again. I hated this class.  
The class dragged in, and of course I spent my time staring out of the window or drawing intricate patterns on my paper.  
Emmett stood, stuffing his books in his bag, "I'll see you at lunch, bro." He grinned.  
I groaned, dragging my feet to the door. I didn't want to go to gym.  
Instead, I made my way to the library.  
That's when I spotted her, rubbing her eyes.  
I looked over her shoulder and smirked when I saw what she was trying to read. My stomach was doing backflips. She did come to school. This was my chance.  
Bella shut her book and pushed it away from here.  
"Hamlet's shit anyway." I mumbled, walking round the table. I took the seat across from her and smiled. She looked like shit. Her hair was messy and her eyes were red and puffy.  
"What happened to you yesterday?" I asked, watching her cross her arms onto the table. She looked pissed and rightfully so.  
Bella looked up at me, "I…I…" She took a deep breath and stared at the table, "I had some stuff to deal with." She answered simply. She began playing with the front cover of the book, refusing to look at me again.  
"Bella…I wanted to apologise for what I said to you. I didn't know that-"  
"Don't." She hissed quietly, "Don't even think about it. You don't get to apologise. You don't get to feel pity or remorse or anything about this situation." She glared at me.  
 _Nice going, asshole._  
I had to try and make this right. I ran my hand through my hair, "If I had've known I-"  
"You what? Wouldn't have called me a stalker? Wouldn't have made me feel about two inches tall? God, Edward, fuck off." She growled. She leaned back in her seat and sighed. This wasn't going how I wanted it to.  
"Why do you even care anyway?" She spat, "It's not like I mean anything to you, right?"  
I stared at the table, frowning at her words.  
 _She means everything to you, Cullen_.  
"I guess not." I mumbled, looking back to her. She turned away, disgusted with me.  
"Shouldn't you be in class anyway?"  
"Shouldn't you?" I reported, standing up. There was no point in out staying my welcome here. She wasn't interested in any apology I had to offer and it fucking killed me. "By the way," I muttered, grabbing my books, "You look like shit." I walked away from the table, chuckling to myself. It was true. She did look like shit. I was doing her a favour by telling her.  
"Fuck you." She whispered.  
I didn't turn back, I just kept walking. If I turned back, who knows what I would have done. I would've probably kissed her in the middle of a fucking library. And she probably would have slapped me or kicked me in the jewels.  
To taste her lips again would be something else entirely.

I made my way outside and sat at one of the benches, lighting a cigarette.  
Jane and her posse were outside, practising their latest cheer. Pathetic.  
Jane spotted me and skipped over, "Hey babe." She sat down on my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck.  
"Hey." I smirked, kissing her chastely.  
"Shouldn't you be in class?" She leaned her forehead against mine and bit her lip.  
I shifted underneath her and smirked when she closed her eyes, moaning quietly. "Do you want something?" I whispered into her ear, trailing my hand down her back.  
"Not here." She replied, kissing my neck.  
Good, cause it felt fucking wrong.  
"We can always go to the janitor's closet…" I breathed against her skin. Why the hell was I pushing this?  
 _Because you need a release, jerk.  
_ She kissed me, forcing her tongue into my mouth, "No. I have to get back." She mumbled when she pulled away.  
I sighed and pushed her gently off my lap, "Fine. Whatever."  
I wasn't even hard anyway. Goes to show she has zero effect on me whatsoever.

I stood in the line for lunch with Emmett.  
"God, I'm fucking starving." He groaned, eyeing the burgers.  
I ignored him, grabbing a tray. Water, pizza, pudding. Same thing everyday. And it always ended up in the bin. I walked over to the table with Emmett, ignoring Bella. I couldn't look at her. I just couldn't.  
"Hey! You're Bella, right?" Emmett asked.  
Bella nodded.  
"Emmett Cullen." He extended a meaty hand for one of his death grip handshakes. From the corner of my eye, I saw Bella grimace, hiding it quickly with a smile.  
I wanted to punch my brother for inflicting pain on her.  
"Anyway, you better not bail on me for Biology, Bella." Alice chimed.  
"Of course not." Bella replied, quietly.  
I stared at my lunch, clenching my teeth.  
"So how are you liking Phoenix?" Emmett questioned.  
I groaned inwardly. The small talk was fucking killing me.  
"It could be better." Bella answered simply, "Not really a fan of the weather."  
Emmett chuckled, chewing on his burger, "You'll get used to it."  
"You're such an idiot!" Rosalie hissed. I smirked to myself, trouble in paradise?  
"Are you okay?" Jasper mumbled.  
My eyes snapped up to see Bella staring down at her lap. She looked uncomfortable, like she didn't belong.  
"Fine." She nodded.  
"How's your dad?" Alice asked her.  
I stared at Bella, taking a deep breath as I waited for her response. She squirmed, uncomfortable again.  
"He's…okay."  
Alice smiled, pushing her tray away, "Good. I'm glad to hear that."  
"Is that why you weren't here yesterday?" I found myself asking, "Did something happen to him?" I couldn't stop myself. I was curious. I wanted to know everything was okay.  
She glared at me, "No." She answered sharply, "And it's none of your business anyway."  
Emmett laughed, elbowing me in the ribs, "You've met your match, Cullen."  
I abruptly stood, grabbing my tray, "Fuck this." I spat, storming out of the cafeteria.  
I made my way outside and into my car, "Fuck her." I took my anger out on the steering wheel. This was killing me.  
The passenger door opened then, but I didn't turn to see who it was.  
"Edward?" Bella breathed.  
What the fuck? My stomach churned as I turned to face her, "Yeah?"  
She leaned her head back against the headrest and sighed, "I don't think I can do this anymore."  
I sighed and stared out at the parking lot, "I don't think I can either."

I fucking _needed_ her. I fucking _wanted_ her. I wanted to kiss her, and hold her and just be with her.  
I fucking _loved_ her. But I couldn't tell her. Not yet, anyway.


	9. Better Than Drugs pt2

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Edward _is_ an idiot!**

* * *

 **Edward POV**

The passenger door opened then, but I didn't turn to see who it was.  
"Edward?" Bella breathed.  
What the fuck? My stomach churned as I turned to face her, "Yeah?"  
She leaned her head back against the headrest and sighed, "I don't think I can do this anymore."  
I sighed and stared out at the parking lot, "I don't think I can either."  
Wait...what were we even talking about?  
"I want you to stay away from me, Edward." She turned to face me, her face free from any expression.  
"What?" She couldn't be serious.  
"I want you to stay away from me." She repeated, "I can't keep putting myself in a situation where your words are more harm than good."  
I exhaled, leaning back, "Bella...I...I tried to apologise."  
"Yeah, and I didn't accept it." She nodded, "You didn't care then, so why care now?" She cocked a brow, challenging me.  
I was at a loss for words.  
"Just what I thought." She whispered sadly.  
"Well, you need to stay away from Alice then." I pointed out. My words were harsher than they were meant to be.  
"Why?"  
"They were my friends first." Okay that sounded petty and immature. But she couldn't have it both ways.  
Bella rolled her eyes, opening the car door, "Whatever." She got out, slamming the door behind her and stormed back into school.  
I took a deep calming breath and stepped out of the car. If she wanted me to stay away from her, then that was fine by me.  
 _You fucking liar, Cullen._  
No, I could do it. I could stay away from her. It would kill me, but I could do it.

I pushed open the door to the gym and smirked, spotting Jane.  
"Babe!" I shouted.  
Her head whipped round and a smile graced her lips. She walked over to me, placing her hands on my chest, "Hey."  
"Wanna get out of here?" I asked, tucking her hair behind her ear.  
She blushed and nodded, "Of course."  
I grabbed her hand and pulled her along side of me to the car. I shut her door and walked to the driver's side.  
"Where are we going?" She asked, putting on her seatbelt.  
I turned and forced a smile, "The beach."  
Jane squealed with delight and the sound made my stomach twist.  
 _Break up with her_.  
I tightened my grip on the steering wheel and stared out at the road as I drove. She was my distraction. And she would remain as my distraction until I saw fit.  
The drive to the beach went by quicker than I thought, probably because Jane was quiet.  
I parked the car and got out, walked round to her side and opened the door for her.  
"Thanks." She smiled, taking my hand.  
Her hand was ice cold, and slightly sweaty. I grimaced and turned toward the promenade.  
"What made you want to come here?" Jane asked, slipping her shoes off so she could walk in the sand.  
I shrugged, wrapping my arms around her, "So I could be with you." I breathed, nipping at the skin on her neck.  
She moaned softly and smiled, "Okay."  
I smiled against her skin, "Okay."  
We walked along the beach, silent. We didn't break breath to each other and it was nice. I didn't have to hear her voice or make conversation with her.  
 _Thank God._  
I stopped when I spotted my little hideout. My hideout where I took Bella. It was located under the pier, barely noticeable to people unless they were really looking for it.  
"What's wrong?" Jane asked, frowning.  
I shook my head, "Nothing." I led Jane under the pier and over the rocks, into my hideout.  
 _Smart move, jackass._  
Well, it's not like I'd be bringing Bella back here anytime soon, will I?  
I sat down on the sand and smiled, patting the space next to me.  
Jane grinned, but sat on my lap, wrapping her legs around my waist, "This is nice." She commented.  
I leaned my forehead on her shoulder and sighed, "Yeah." I lied.  
I tried my best to drown out the thoughts of Bella, but I couldn't. It was like an incessant nagging in my head.  
 _Bella. Bella. Bella_.  
I grabbed Jane's chin, staring into her blue eyes.  
Her breathing hitched and she dug her nails into the back of my neck. She kissed me then, forcing her tongue into my mouth.  
It felt wrong. So fucking wrong.  
I kissed her back, imagining Bella's lips on mine. Her skin against mine. Fuck.  
"Edward." She breathed, tugging at my hair.  
I moved my kisses to her neck, nipping at her collarbone. Her grip tightened on my hair as she started grinding against me.  
 _Bella. Bella. Bella._  
My hands moved down her back as she moaned against my neck.  
"Please." She breathed into my ear.  
I groaned quietly, my hands creeping up under her top before I eventually lifted it over her head. My kisses moved to her mouth. Hot, passionate kisses. She tugged at the bottom of my shirt, and I lifted my hands above my head allowing her to take it off before my lips found hers again.  
I could feel my jeans getting tighter as she continued to grind me.  
"Fuck." I hissed, guiding her to the sand. I towered above her, placing soft kisses down her chest.  
She squirmed underneath me, her hands searching for mine. I lifted her hands above her head, holding them in place as I assaulted her body with sweet, hot kisses.  
"Bella." I breathed against her skin.  
"Bella?" She croaked, pushing me off her. "Who the fuck is Bella?"  
I blinked in surprise, "What?"  
Jane hugged, grabbing her top to cover herself, "You said 'Bella'. Who the fuck is she?"  
Well fuck me backwards. This wasn't good.  
"I…" I closed my mouth, I had no idea how the fuck I was going to get out of this one.  
"Fuck you, Cullen." Jane spat, standing up, "I'll find my own way home." She marched off along the beach, leaving me sitting like a fucking idiot.  
 _You are a fucking idiot._

"That Bella is a real cracker, eh?" Emmett chuckled, shovelling food into his mouth.  
I narrowed my eyes, "I suppose."  
Emmett took a gulp of his strawberry milkshake and grinned, "What are you getting up to tonight?"  
I shrugged and crossed my arms across my chest, "Dunno. Probably nothing."  
Emmett scoffed, putting his dishes in the sink, "Big bad Edward Cullen has no plans on a Friday?" He shook his head, "That's a first."  
After my fuck up with Jane yesterday, she had been avoiding my phone calls. Rightfully so. I screwed up. But in some way, it was a relief. I had been looking for an excuse to break up with her. Were we even broken up?  
I grabbed my car keys, "Are you coming to school or what?" I hissed, impatient.  
Emmett threw his bag over his shoulder and made his way to the front door.

The drive to school was long and uninteresting. Emmett sat in silence, probably too afraid to speak to me. I was in such a shitty mood. How was I going to stay away from her? I couldn't. I know I said I could, but of course that was a fucking lie. If anything, I wanted to be near her all the time now.  
 _Always wanting something you can't have._  
I parked the car and sighed, leaning back in my seat.  
Emmett cleared his throat, "See you." He mumbled, opening the door.  
I remained sitting in the car, trying to make sense of my wayward thoughts.  
Rubbing my forehead, I grabbed my keys and got out. If I didn't go, I would never go.  
That's when I spotted her, sitting on one of the stairs at the main entrance, smoking her life away.  
Her leg bounced uncontrollably. She was pissed. What could I have done now? I couldn't stop myself.  
"You okay?" I asked, sitting down next to her.  
She sighed deeply, flicking her cigarette away, "What do you want, Edward?" Her voice was hoarse, tired.  
I stared out at the parking lot, "I just wanted to make sure you're okay, that's all."  
Bella groaned, leaning forward, putting her head in her hands, "You're impossible." She mumbled. She looked up at me then, anger reflecting in her eyes, "Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me." She spat as she stood, "I don't know how else you want me to say it."  
"Put it in writing." I hissed back. This whole situation was pissing me the fuck off and it had only been a day since she told me to stay away.  
She scowled at me, turned on her heel and walked into school.

She didn't sit with us at lunch much to Alice's disgust.  
"What have you said to her?" She growled, her usually hyper eyes now furious as she glared at me.  
I sighed, "Didn't say a word."  
Alice scoffed, "Yeah. Like I believe that."  
"Does it even matter? If she doesn't wanna sit with us then she doesn't have to." Rosalie piqued, as she played with her salad.  
I smiled sweetly at Alice, gesturing to Rosalie, "See? She gets it."  
Alice stood, "You're an asshole. Why can't you think of someone other than yourself?" She took off toward the door and I couldn't help but laugh at her. She was fucking hilarious when she was angry.  
Jasper sighed, shaking his head, "Thanks man. I'm gonna have to listen to this all night."  
I shrugged, taking a bite of my pizza, "Not my problem."  
"Nothing ever is 'your problem', Edward." Emmett muttered, "It's starting to get old."  
I held my hands up in defence, "What the fuck is this? Gang up on Edward day or some shit?"  
Jasper chuckled, "Whatever."  
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" Someone screeched from the hallway.  
Emmett, Jasper, Rosalie and myself turned, "What the fuck?" Emmett whispered, "You go check it out. I wanna finish my lunch." Emmett nudged me in the ribs and turned his attention back to his food.  
I rolled my eyes and stood up, "Fine."  
No doubt it was freshmans having some sort of bitch fight. I pushed open the door to the hallway, double taking when I saw the culprits.  
"What do you have that I don't?!" Jane screeched, shoving Bella against the locker. Bella hissed through her teeth as her back collided with the dial.  
"What are you talking about?" She was absolutely fuming.  
"He said your name. _Your name_!" Jane screamed, poking Bella in the shoulder. Well, shit. I didn't expect this to happen. "Do you get any satisfaction sleeping with other people's boyfriends?"  
"Listen, bitch, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. So you better back the fuck up." Bella pushed Jane away from her. Anger was practically vibrating off her.  
I leaned against the wall, watching silently. I had to admit, it was kinda hot.  
 _Yeah. She's about to out your secret, smartass_.  
I crossed my arms, they didn't even notice me. They were too wrapped up in their fight to see anything other than each other.  
"I'm talking about Edward, you retard. He said your name when me and him were doing _stuff_."  
I swallowed back bile, I should've probably interjected but I didn't. I stood and watched as Bella lifted her head back and proceeded to laugh hysterically.  
 _She's laughing at you, Cullen._  
"What's so fucking funny?" Jane snapped, hands on hips.  
Bella continued laughing, ignoring Jane completely. That was until Jane slapped her across the face. Shit.  
Bella lifted her hand to her cheek and glared at Jane, "What the fuck?" She hissed.  
It didn't take long for it to escalate to a proper fight. Jane grabbed Bella by the hair, pulling harshly. It didn't seem to phase her, since her next move was a fist to Jane's face.  
I had to put a stop to this. I pushed myself off the wall, "That's enough!" I shouted, grabbing Bella by the waist and pulling her away.  
"Get this bitch away from me." Bella growled, pushing me away and wiping her bottom lip.  
Jane narrowed her eyes, "Watch your back, Swan."  
"Leave her the fuck alone." I barked, grabbing Jane's arm, and dragging her outside.  
"Watch the fuck was that?!" I pinched the bridge of my nose and paced back and forth.  
"I had to confront her! She can't go around sleeping with other people's boyfriends. Not my boyfriend. I hate you just as much as her!"  
I stared at her incredulously, "Are you fucking kidding me?"  
I looked behind Jane's shoulder and groaned when I saw Jasper and Emmett coming over to play detective.  
"We never slept together, Jane." I muttered quietly, "Don't not breathe a word about this." I warned. The last thing I needed was my friends to know I was in the middle of an extremely fucked up love triangle. I would never hear the end of it.  
She rolled her eyes, dabbing at a small cut on her lip. I raised a brow, damn Bella could fight dirty.  
"What the fuck happened?" Emmett questioned, looking between Jane and I, "Alice and Rose are checking Bella out for injuries." He glared at Jane. It was no secret Emmett couldn't stand her. He shared the same outlook as Alice when it came to new students. He was like their fucking bodyguard or some shit.  
Jane sighed, "Relax. There's not a scratch on her…" She pointed to her lip, "Me on the other hand, is a different story."  
Jasper sighed, "So…what happened?"  
"I mouthed off at her and it escalated." Jane looked up at me, "It was nothing."  
I nodded, mentally high fiving her, "Nothing." I repeated.  
 _I hope you're happy_.  
I was. I was immensely happy. My Bella kicked the biggest bitch in school's ass, and I fucking loved her even more for it. Even if I did inadvertently cause it.  
Jasper rolled his eyes, "Nothing? Okay then."  
Emmett narrowed his eyes at me, "This ain't over, bro." He poked me in the shoulder and strode back into school, Jasper in tow.  
I hadn't realised we had invited an audience until I lit a cigarette. The whole school was practically staring at us, pointing and whispering. Just what I fucking needed.  
"We're finished." I mumbled to Jane.  
She stared at me, mouth wide open, "What?"  
"We're _finished!"_ I spat.  
Jane's eyes welled up with tears, "Fuck you." She turned on her heel and marched toward her posse.  
I breathed a sigh of relief.  
 _Least you got that out of the way._  
Yeah. I pretty much killed two birds with one stone. Now Bella will never fucking forgive me.

I slammed the door to my bedroom and sat down on my couch, head in hands. This was one fucked up heap of shit and I had only myself to blame.  
I should've just been straight with Bella. I should've answered her fucking phone call. I should've pulled her against me and smothered her with kisses when I saw her at school. I should've...I should've done something.  
Instead, I made it a million times worse. I patted my pockets for my phone, I was going to fix this. I was going to right my wrongs.  
I pressed call and waited patiently,  
"What?" She hissed down the phone.  
I smiled, she was fucking adorable, "We need to talk."  
I heard her sigh, I could tell she was seething, "No. We don't."  
"We do. Whether you like it or not." I chuckled, walking over to the window.  
"Fine." She breathed, "What could you possibly have to tell me now?"  
I took a deep breath and stared out at the setting sun, "I love you."

It felt fucking freeing to tell her the truth. This felt right. I loved her with every fibre of my being. She made my heart feel a thousand different emotions at once. She was my world. My everything.


	10. Body Heat

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **LEMONS IN THIS CHAPTER.**

* * *

 **Bella POV**

Was this bitch serious? Who even was she?  
"He said your name! _Your name_!" She poked my shoulder and narrowed her eyes, "Do you get any satisfaction from sleeping with other people's boyfriends?"  
I stared at her incredulously, I had no idea what she was talking about. Was she on crack or something? "Listen bitch, I have no fucking idea what you're talking about. So you better back the fuck up." I pushed her away from me, this bitch was crazy.  
She glared at me, ""I'm talking about Edward, you retard. He said your name when me and him were doing _stuff_."  
I bit my lip, trying to stop the laughter. Oh honey. My shoulder shook as I tilted my head back and erupted into uncontrollable laughter. He said my name, yeah right. I had just about had enough of this place. It was either laugh or cry.  
"What's so fucking funny?" Jane growled, standing with her hands on her hips.  
If anything that made me laugh harder. She looked like a defiant five year old. I felt a sharp sting across my cheek. That bitch hit me.  
My hand instinctively cupped my cheek, "What the fuck?" I hissed.  
Jane smirked, raising a brow.  
Enough is enough. I flew toward her, pushing her away from me. She grabbed my hair, tugging on it, her other hand pushing my chin up.  
Oh hell no.  
My fist collided with her face. I never in my life have felt something so fucking satisfying.  
"That's enough!" Edward grabbed me by the waist, pulling me off Jane.  
I turned, hitting Edward's chest, pushing him away from me, "Get this bitch away from me!" I wiped my bottom lip, trying to catch my breath.  
"Watch your back, Swan." Jane spat. I smirked, noticing my mark on her lip.  
 _Well done, Swan. Well done_.  
Edward grabbed Jane's arm, "Leave her the fuck alone."  
I raised a brow, watching with satisfaction as Edward dragged the little troll outside.  
"Oh my God, Bella!" Alice rushed over to me, "Are you okay? What happened? Are you hurt?"  
"No." I answered, looking back towards Edward's retreating figure.  
"That was crazy. What the hell was she talking about?" Alice asked, furrowing her brows in confusion and concern.  
I shrugged, "Fuck knows." I began walking to the toilets, Alice trailing behind me. I doubted what Jane said was true, which is why it was so fucking hilarious. She didn't know me, and I didn't know her. So there was utterly no explanation for the shit that came out of her mouth.  
 _Unless it was true.  
_ I shook my head, staring at my reflection in the mirror. There was no fucking way. He made his feelings perfectly clear.  
~Alice pushed herself up, sitting at the sinks, "Are you sure you're okay?"  
I nodded, "Yeah."  
The door swung open and Rosalie sauntered in, "What happened?" She demanded, eyes wide in excitement.  
I rolled my eyes, "Alice will explain." I pushed open the door, leaving the toilets.  
The halls were littered with students, eyeing me, pointing at me, whispering their rumours.  
Great.  
I needed out of this place. I needed to leave. Because if I saw Jane's face again…it would be too fucking soon.

"Hey kiddo." My dad smiled as he finished his pudding.  
"Hey." I flopped down on the chair beside his bed and sighed deeply.  
"What's wrong?" He sat the empty cup on the table and frowned.  
"Nothing. Just school, I guess." I rubbed my forehead and forced a smile, "How are you doing? Dr Cullen said the surgery will go ahead on Monday."  
My dad sighed and nodded, "Yeah. I'm not exactly overjoyed about it."  
"Why?"  
"Because it might not work, Bells."  
I frowned, "Maybe not. But it can slow down the progression of it…and who knows, it might work! You could get cured and-"  
"I am not going to be cured, Bella." My dad snapped.  
I shrunk back in the seat and blinked a few times. It was very unlike my dad to snap at people, to snap at me.  
"Sorry." I mumbled, staring down at my hands, "I just…"  
"I know, kid. I'm just tired." He sighed, closing his eyes, "I'm sick of this place."  
I took his hand in mine, "It's only for a few more days." I whispered, "You'll be home before you know it."  
My dad nodded, "Yeah, I suppose your right." His grip tightened on my hand slightly, before he relaxed, "I love you, kid."  
"I love you too, dad." I kissed his hand and smiled, "I'm gonna let you get some rest, okay?"  
"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
"Of course." I stood up, putting my jacket over my arm, "See you tomorrow."  
I shut the door to his room quietly and looked around for Dr. Cullen.  
"Excuse me?"  
The nurse looked up from her desk and gave me a warm smile, "Can I help you, dear?"  
"Can you tell me where I can find Dr Cullen?" I asked politely.  
"I'm sorry, but he's went home for the day. Can I take your name?"  
I shook my head, "No it's okay. I'll be back tomorrow."  
It wasn't that important anyway. I just wanted an update on my dad. I wanted to make sure everything was going accordingly. The nurse smiled again and went back to her paperwork.  
I swear, that's all I ever see them do.  
I sat down outside of the hospital on one of the benches, watching the sun set. I didn't have the energy to walk home just yet. I wanted a chance to process today's events. Like Jane for example.  
I scoffed at the memory. What a fucking tool. I felt sorry for her. I felt sorry for her because she had to put up with 'asshole' as her boyfriend. My phone buzzed in my pocket, I immediately fished it out, expecting to see the hospital's number flash on the screen. I groaned when I saw that it was Edward. Or should I say 'Asshole'.  
"What?" I hissed, I wasn't in the mood for him again. He couldn't understand simple English. But part of me couldn't ignore his call. Maybe he was calling to apologise for Jane's behaviour.  
"We need to talk." I could hear him smile over the phone. It made the hairs on my arm stand up.  
"No. We don't." I replied, tiredly. I was sick of having the same conversation with him. Or rather, the same fight.  
"We do. Whether you like it or not." He chuckled.  
I rolled my eyes, deciding to appease him, that way he could leave me the fuck alone, "Fine." I sighed, "What could you possibly have to tell me now?"  
He took a deep breath, "I love you."  
My throat closed up. My heart felt like it was about to explode.  
No.  
Tears pooled in my eyes. I swear, the pain I felt in that moment was nothing I have ever experienced. I felt like I had to scream it all away. It was too painful.  
"Edward," I wiped my eyes, "I am seriously sick and tired of being the punchline to your sick as fuck jokes." I sobbed, "I meant what I said. Stay the hell away from me."  
I ended the call and began to sob uncontrollably into my hands. How could he think that was funny? Did he get some sort of kick out of it? Did he _enjoy_ hurting me? He proved his point one too many times.  
I shook my hands, and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself.  
 _He doesn't deserve your tears._  
No. He didn't. He didn't deserve anything I had.

"So…what's the reason this time?" Jake smirked, handing me a small bag.  
I looked up at him tiredly, "A multitude of shit."  
He chuckled and let his hands rest on the steering wheel, "I've got time." He offered, raising a brow.  
I shook my head, "Nah, it's cool."  
"Seriously." He nudged me gently and smiled, "Tell me."  
Sighing, I pocketed the bag, "Just boy trouble."  
Jake chuckled and scratched his chin, "Boy trouble?"  
I nodded.  
He shook his head, "Damn, Swan." He looked into my eyes then and smiled. Really smiled, "Who wouldn't want you?"  
A blush crept along my cheeks as I looked down, "Thanks…I guess." This was weird. Was your drug dealer supposed to hit on you? Or was this just an Arizona thing?  
"How much do I owe you?" I asked, changing the subject.  
Jake frowned, deliberating something, "Well…" He started, "No. Forget it. Nevermind." He waved his hand, dismissing his silent reverie.  
"Okay." I chewed on my lip and stared out at the night sky. I fidgeted, suddenly unable to keep still.  
Jake took my hand and looked over at me, "You wanna smoke with me?"  
"Sure." I answered, my face burning with embarrassment still.  
Jake smirked, pulling out his tin, "I meant it." He mumbled as he started building a joint.  
I stared at him, confused.  
"What I said." He chuckled, "Who wouldn't want you?"  
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, "It's not a case of who does or doesn't want me." I answered, watching his fingers roll the paper around the tobacco and weed.  
"What's it a case of then?" He asked, his tongue gliding along the paper.  
My mouth suddenly went dry. My face burning red. I squeezed my legs together and breathed through my nose, "Why do you care?" I whispered, trying to concentrate on anything other than him.  
He chuckled again and lit the joint, taking a deep drag. His hand gripped my chin gently, as he turned my head so I could look at him. He leaned in closer, closer, closer and parted his lips, exhaling smoke into my mouth. I inhaled, my eyes closing. His nose skimmed across mine, his breathing soft against my lips. I shivered, dying for a taste.  
 _Stop thinking with your pussy. You're worse than a guy_.  
Jake took another drag, repeating his actions.  
I breathed out, the smoke circling the both of us.  
"Feel better?" He whispered.  
I opened my eyes to find him staring intently at me, "Yeah." I whispered. I did. I felt...relaxed. Relaxed and content.  
Jake cupped my cheek with his hand and leaned his forehead against mine.  
My heart was screaming at me to get the fuck out of there. Not to let whatever the hell this was happen. But my head was saying something completely different.  
Fuck Edward. He doesn't care. Show him you don't care.  
I closed my eyes again and took a deep breath. Everything was so conflicting. What was I supposed to do?  
Before I had a chance to react, scream, bite or pretty much do anything, he kissed me.  
It sent a shock down my spine and I found myself leaning into him, returning his kiss. His hand moved to the back of my head, holding me in place as he kissed me more deeply, tracing my bottom lip with his tongue.  
 _Fuck me._  
This wasn't like Edward's kisses. This kiss was raw, unloving, and passionate. This kiss was purely physical.  
 _Fuck emotions._  
If emotionless tasted and felt this good, I could remain like this forever.  
Fuck Edward Cullen and his bipolar sense of love. Fuck Edward Cullen and his backwards way of affection. Fuck Edward Cullen to hell and back.  
My hands gripped Jake's collar as he pulled me into his lap. His kisses moved along my jawline, to my neck, kissing, biting, sucking. My eyes rolled back, savouring every kiss, every touch. My whole body was on fire. He pushed his hips up, grinding softly against me.  
My hands moved into his hair, tugging, pleading, begging. His lips returned to mine then, both of us fighting for dominance.  
He growled quietly, grabbing my hips and he rocked me back and forth. My teeth sank into his bottom lip, pulling, sucking. His grip on me tightened, as he pulled me flush against his chest. His hands feeling their way along my back, under my tank top, to unhook my bra. His expert touch, made my skin tingle and sent my body into overdrive.  
He pulled my top off, exposing my naked chest, "Fuck." He breathed as his kisses moved down my neck, to my collarbone, and lower still.  
I dug my nails into the back of his neck, my breathing shallow, filled with want.  
 _Fuck emotions. No strings._  
A soft moan escaped me, causing Jake to dig his teeth into my soft flesh. A low groan vibrated in his chest. I lifted his shirt over his head, my hands exploring his chest as he continued attacking my chest with kisses.  
Somehow, someway, we ended up in the back seat.  
He lay on top of me, my legs around his waist as he pushed himself against me. My nails scratched down his back as his mouth trailed harsh, wet kisses down my stomach. He dragged my jeans down, licking along my stomach, just above my underwear. My hips bucked, desire clouding my better judgement.  
He tossed my jeans to the front of the car, his nose skimming along my inner thigh.  
I bit my lip to stop from screaming. This was too much.  
His hand slid up my leg, cupping my ass, holding me in place.  
I squirmed under his touch. Please.  
His other hand cupped me there. I tilted my head back, raising my hips. He smirked, "For me?" He whispered, as he slowly removed my underwear.  
His tongue pressed against me, causing me to scream out. This was sheer ecstasy. He placed his mouth over my clit, his breathing ragged.  
My hands moved back to his hair, gripping tightly as he ate me. My hips and his mouth, moving at their own rhythm.  
"God." I moaned, writhing beneath him.  
No strings.  
He picked up the pace, his tongue moving faster and deeper against me, sending me closer and closer to the edge.  
My stomach knotted, my breathing coming in short shallow bursts.  
He moved away, unzipping his jeans before I felt any release.  
No!  
Jake smirked at me, "You…uh, got anything on you?"  
I furrowed my brow in confusion, trying to catch my breath.  
"A condom?" He chuckled.  
I shook my head, "No." Great. Just great.  
Jake leaned down to kiss me, "It's fine. I can pull out."  
What? No. He hooked his arms under my legs, pulling closer to him.  
 _No strings, Swan._  
Fuck no strings. What the fuck did I just let happen?! I couldn't do this. My heart sped up, pumping so fast I thought it was going to explode. My ears ringing, my body turning fiery hot with shame and embarrassment. I pushed him away from me, pulling up my underwear. I barely knew him, and I was ready and willing for him to fuck me senseless.  
"What's wrong?" He asked, watching me, confused.  
I shook my head, "I…I can't do this." I thought I could, but I couldn't. It was too much. Too soon. Too hasty, even for me. What the fuck was I turning into?  
"Are you kidding?" Jake hissed, sorting himself.  
"I'm sorry…I just-"  
"Yeah. Whatever. Get the fuck out of my car."  
I swallowed the lump in my throat, pulled on my jeans and looked back at him, "I'm just not ready, Jake." I whispered.  
He sighed, his eyes softening, "Yeah, okay."  
I smiled sadly and got out the car, taking a deep breath of fresh air.  
 _Are you serious? You could've been on cloud 9 by now._  
I rolled my eyes at myself. I could've. It was true. But I didn't want to sleep with someone for the wrong reasons. And sleeping with Jake to piss Edward off was one of those reasons.

Somehow, after all he has said and done, I loved that dickhead. And now, I had to get over it. Turn over a new leaf, as they say, and act like he didn't exist. I had to move on. It's the only way I could live.


	11. Perfectly Imperfect

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **The titles of these chapters are after the music/songs I've listened to when writing. Probably should've mentioned that earlier!**

 **Thanks for loving this story!**

* * *

 _Okay._  
 _I could do this. I could take a deep breath and do this._  
 _The Grand Canyon was just that. Grand. I sniffed as I sat down on the rocks, staring out to the unknown._  
 _"Here we are, Dad." I smiled._  
 _It was only three hours away. Just three fucking hours. A lot can change in three hours._

"So, a little birdie told me you're eighteen this week." Alice grinned, clapping her hands excitedly.  
I smiled, "Yeah. Saturday." I ran a hand through my hair, "Why?"  
Alice rolled her eyes, taking my hand in hers, "Because I am going to organise the best party, ever."  
I suppressed a groan. I wasn't in the party mood, "Al, you don't have to do that."  
"I know. I want to." She answered, opening her textbook, "No if's or but's."  
I sighed deeply and nodded. There was no point in arguing with her.  
Mr. Banner walked into class, smiling widely, "Good morning!"  
I scoffed, what was good about this morning? Oh yeah, how about the fact that Edward walked right by me in the hallway, not even looking in my direction? That was pretty fucking good. He was finally getting the message.  
"Genetics." Mr. Banner said as he wrote on the board, "That's what we are learning today." He turned back to the class, "Open your textbooks to page forty five."  
I began copying notes, not paying much attention to what I was writing.  
"So…" Alice slid a piece of paper across to me, "This is the guest list so far."  
I studied it carefully, "That's fine." I whispered, sliding it back.  
"Good." She grinned, placing the list into her bag.  
"Now," Mr. Banner cleared his throat, "Many people inherit traits and physical attributes from their parents and grandparents…"  
I leaned back in my seat as he began his lecture on Genetics. I suppose it was a good thing that Biology was my favourite subject.

I pulled my phone out, checking for any messages. Today was the day my dad got his surgery. I was worried, naturally. What if everything didn't go as planned?  
I shook my head, closing my locker quietly. I should stop thinking the worst. I should be positive. I shoved my phone in my back pocket and made my way outside for my usual smoke break.  
Taking a deep drag, I shivered, reliving the memory of Jake's lips against mine as he exhaled smoke into me.  
 _God_.  
We hadn't spoke since Friday night. The weekend passed in a blur, I was too high to notice anything. I visited my dad yesterday morning, and went back home, smoking my lungs into oblivion.  
"Hey Bella."  
I turned as saw Eric, smiling sheepishly at me. "Hey. Where have you been?" I wondered, taking another draw of my cigarette.  
"Around." He shrugged and sat down beside me, "How are you doing?" He asked, looking out toward the parking lot.  
"Yeah…I'm fine thanks." I frowned, confused.  
"Are you sure?" He turned his head to look at me and smiled sadly.  
"What's going on?" I asked, leaning back. He was being weird. It wasn't just me, right? He was being weird.  
Eric shook his head, "Nothing. I just…I want to tell you that I know how hard it must be for you." He said, "That's all."  
"How hard what is?"  
"Being here. In the same school as Edward." He tilted his head to the side and frowned, watching me carefully.  
"Okay? I'm lost, Eric." I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about. He didn't know about my past with Edward, did he?  
"Last summer…I saw you two on the beach together." He explained, "And then when school started back, he looked so angry and stuff." Eric shrugged as if it was nothing, "Coming here, with your dad and all, and finding out Edward isn't the guy you thought he was has gotta sting. Especially Jane-"  
I held my hand up, stopping him, "I don't want to hear anymore." I mumbled. I was starting to feel nauseous. Eric knew. He fucking knew. If Edward found out, he would kill Eric with his bare hands.  
"Don't say anything." I begged, "No one can know. Not now." I shook my head and scuffed my converse on the sidewalk, "Not ever."  
Eric patted my knee and stood up, "I'll take it to the grave."  
I couldn't help but smile, "Thanks."  
He nodded and walked away, to his car.  
I stared up at the blue sky and sighed deeply. Praying that this day would end soon so I could see my dad.

Alice grabbed my arm, pulling me alongside her, "I'm taking you home." She sang.  
"I'm not going home." I answered, pulling my arm away from her's, "I'm going to the hospital."  
Alice's eyes widened, "Of course! I'm so sorry, I'll take you to the hospital then!" She dug her car keys out from her bag and grinned widely, "You ready?"  
I nodded and followed her outside, "Thanks, Al."  
She smiled warmly, getting into the car, "I figured we could discuss your party on the drive."  
"Sure." I stared out of the window while Alice droned on and on about guests, themes and venue.  
"So it'll be held at my house, my parents are away for the weekend anyway, so that's good. Jasper will help with the alcohol, and obviously people will bring their own stuff."  
I leaned my head back against the seat and smiled to myself. It felt nice to have someone plan things for me.  
"So Saturday, eight o'clock?"  
I turned to meet Alice's gaze, "Saturday?"  
Alice rolled her eyes, turning back to the road, "The day of your birthday?"  
"Can't we do it on the Friday?" I asked, biting my lip. I wanted to spend my birthday with my dad.  
Alice pouted, "No. It has to be on the day!"  
I sighed, "Okay. I'll see what my dad says."  
Alice grinned and pulled into the hospital parking lot, "I'll see you tomorrow."  
I nodded and got out, making my way inside.  
I spotted Dr. Cullen and made my way over to him, praying for good news.  
"How is he?" I asked, crossing my arms.  
Dr. Cullen smiled, "Your father is in recovery. The surgery went very well, I am confident, that after a few rounds of chemotherapy, he will recover."  
I blinked at him, totally speechless, "You mean…he'll be cured?"  
Dr. Cullen smiled warmly and placed a hand on my shoulder, "Yes."  
I exhaled, "Thank you."  
This wasn't the news I had expected. But to be told this? This was overjoying, amazing. I pushed open my father's room door and smiled when I saw him, still unconscious.  
I sat by the bed and took his hand, "You're going to be fine, dad." I whispered, wiping away a stray tear, "You're going to be fucking fine."

Tuesday. I hated Tuesday's. It's not the start of the week, but it's not the end of the week. Tuesday's fucking suck.  
Dr. Cullen was pleased with my father's progress, enough so that he was going to schedule my dad's first round of chemo on Friday. He was making a great recovery from the surgery. He was smiling again. Really smiling. And that made me elated. I skipped to my locker with Alice, my arm linked around her's, "So, do you want to sit with us at lunch?" She asked, smiling at me.  
I put my bag inside my locker and turned to face her.  
 _Fuck Cullen.  
_ "Sure." I grinned, linking arms with her again.  
"You're in a good mood." She noted, nodding to herself.  
"I am. I really am." I grabbed a tray and stood in line for food, "Everything's great, Al." I grabbed a bottle of water and a sandwich, waiting for Alice to pay for her lunch before we headed over to the table.  
"Look who it is!" Emmett grinned, scooting over so I could sit down, "I was just saying to the guys that things have got boring since you stopped sitting with us."  
I smiled sadly, "Sorry." I opened my bottle of water and met eyes with Edward. He looked like shit. He was tired, his hair dishevelled.  
"You look like shit." I smiled sweetly at him.  
His eyes narrowed, "Thanks."  
Emmett chuckled, "He's depressed."  
I frowned, "Why?" What could he possibly be depressed about? Wasn't his life perfect?  
Edward sighed, staring out of the window, "Depressed." He agreed.  
Jasper snorted, "Depressed, my ass. He's just being a moody asshole."  
I bit my lip to stop from giggling, "Sure." I settled in my seat and started on my lunch. This was nice. Comfortable. Sure, Edward was there, but I think he got the message when he called me. He hadn't bothered me since.  
Alice cleared her throat, "Bella's party this weekend, you guys coming?" She looked between Rosalie and Edward.  
Rosalie smiled, "Duh!"  
Edward didn't answer, he just continued to stare out of the window, ignoring us all.  
I stared down at my lap, wondering how it got to this. Where he wouldn't even look at me. I was glad he was leaving me alone, obviously. But, he was so cold.  
 _Make up your mind._  
I chewed on my lip and pushed my tray away from me.  
"Earth to Edward." Emmett clicked his fingers infront of Edward's face, "Are you going on Saturday."  
Edward shrugged indifferently, "Sure. Whatever."  
Alice clapped her hands in delight, "Yay!" She exclaimed, "You all need to pitch in." She grinned at me, "This is going to be so much fun."  
I smiled in return. Yeah, it was. I was actually looking forward to it.  
Rosalie leaned forward, "Who's in charge of alcohol?"  
Jasper raised his hand, "Me."  
"I'll help with that." Emmett nodded, "I'll just raid my dad's cabinet."  
Edward rolled his eyes, "And hope he doesn't notice?"  
Emmett nodded, "Yes."  
I shook my head, a smile playing on my lips, "You guys don't have to go to all that trouble."  
Edward narrowed his eyes at me. He looked absolutely furious, "We do." He replied through clenched teeth.  
 _Chill out._  
Jasper smirked, "You're only eighteen once, right?"  
"I guess." I answered quietly.  
Alice patted my hand, "Is there anyone you want to invite? Since it is your party and all."  
I deliberated for a moment. Jake? No, that wouldn't work. You don't invite your drug dealer (and possible fuck buddy) to your eighteenth.  
 _Especially since you told him you were eighteen._  
Fuck, I had forgotten about that.  
"No." I said finally, "I think you've got it covered."  
Alice nodded, "Okay then."  
I sat quietly, observing their animated conversation.  
Edward glued his eyes to the window again, barely breaking breath to anyone. How long will it be like this?

"Dad, are you sure you don't want me to stay a while longer?" I asked. He looked so much happier. Like he was given a new lease of life. He looked alive.  
He shook his head, "No. It's okay. I'm gonna get some more sleep anyway. And I'm sure you have a lot of homework to do." He chuckled, scratching at his chin.  
I smiled and patted his hand as I stood up, "That's true. I do have a lot."  
He smiled, "Better get going then, kid. I'll see you tomorrow?"  
I nodded, "Yeah." I stopped for a moment, deciding if now would be the best time to tell him about my birthday plans.  
Just do it.  
"Dad?"  
"Yeah?"  
"My friend has planned this birthday party for me on Saturday…" I started, "I know I said I would spend it with you but-"  
"Go!" He laughed, "Seriously, Bells. You don't have to ask permission. It's your birthday. Go. Have fun and enjoy yourself."  
I couldn't help but smile, "Thanks dad. I'll see you before it anyway."  
"Of course you will." He settled into his bed and smiled, "Now get going! I don't want you falling behind on your coursework."  
I rolled my eyes and headed for the door, "Bye dad. I love you."  
"Love you too, kid."

I sat in the middle of my bed, staring at my mountain of homework. How did I let it pile up? What had I been doing with my time?  
 _Getting high and almost defiling yourself_.  
I scowled at my better self. That was beside the point. I should've dedicated time to my schoolwork. The last thing I wanted was to fall behind.  
I tied my hair up and started flicking through the pages I had to study for Calculus. I had just attempted the first question when my phone buzzed.  
"Hey. Can I come over?  
"Sure." I responded. My insides turned, and my heart thumped in my chest.  
 _No funny business_.  
Definitely not. What happened the other night shouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have let it happen. It wasn't supposed to happen.  
 _If it wasn't supposed to happen, why are you squeezing your legs shut?  
_ I sighed deeply. Okay, fine. It felt…good. That better?  
It felt more than good, actually. It felt fucking amazing. Of course, that was before I freaked the fuck out.  
 _No strings._  
I nodded to myself. No strings.  
"Everything okay?" Jake asked, sitting across from me.  
I nodded, moving my school work to my desk, "Yeah. Why?"  
"I haven't heard from you in a few days." He shrugged, picking at a lose thread on my duvet.  
"Look, Jake. What happened the other night…I just…" I couldn't get the words out.  
Word vomit.  
"I just…I don't want a relationship or anything." I exhaled, sitting back down.  
Jake smirked, "And I do?"  
I frowned, tilting my head to the side, "What?"  
Jake rolled his eyes and scooted closer to me, "I don't want a relationship either, Bella. Just some…" He stared off, thinking of the right words, "No strings attached kinda stuff."  
 _No strings.  
_ I breathed out, thankful that he understood. Even though he didn't know what the hell I was thinking about this situation.  
"Oh." Was all I could muster.  
Jake smirked again, moving closer again, "What do you say?" He asked, trailing his fingertips along my arm, "I'll give your fix for free." He joked.  
I snorted, "Sex for drugs? Is that how it's going to be?"  
He chuckled, "I was kidding."  
I smiled in return, "I know."  
Even still, it seemed like a pretty good deal.  
He trailed his fingers down to my hand, taking it in his, "Well?"  
I took a deep breath, I had to admit, it probably would do me a load of good to get Edward out of my head. Which is why this decision came easy. "Okay." I whispered.  
Jake grinned, pulling me onto his lap, "Okay." He kissed me gently, testing the waters.  
 _Fuck gentle._  
I cupped the back of his neck, pulling him back to my lips as I kissed him passionately. I didn't want fluff with him. I didn't want romance or love. I wanted raw, consensual, unadulterated sex. And he could give me that.  
He pushed me down onto the bed, towering over me, supporting himself with his elbow as he attacked my body with kisses, "You're so soft." He commented, pulling my shirt off. He kissed along my jawline. I tilted my head to the side, allowing him access to my neck. He growled in appreciation and proceeded to bite into my neck.  
A low moan escaped me as he left his mark. My nails dug into his chest as he pressed himself against me, grinding slowly. He kissed down my chest, pulling my jeans and underwear off. He wasn't wasting time this time around.  
Jake pulled his top off, throwing it to the floor before his jeans joined it. He leaned back, studied my naked body, "Damn, Swan."  
I bit my lip and blushed scarlet. His arms hooked under my legs, pulling me down to him. He nibbled along my inner thigh, my breathing becoming ragged in anticipation.  
His tongue softly circled me, tasting me. I gripped his hair, bucking my hips, matching his speed. My eyes scrunched, my chest rising and falling at a steady rhythm.  
He gripped my waist tightly, moving his mouth back to my thigh, biting and sucking as he left another mark. He swiftly removed his boxers, settling himself in between my legs.  
I bit my lip and looked up at him.  
He cocked a brow, smirking, silently asking me. I nodded and brought his face to mine, kissing him. He grabbed my arm, pulling me up. "Do you want to?" He asked, looking down.  
I followed his gaze and bit my lip.  
 _It's like a giant lollipop, Swan._  
Nodding slowly, I moved closer. He threaded his fingers into my hair and pulled my head down.  
He groaned, tilting his head back as I took him in my mouth.  
"Fuck." He hissed, thrusting into my mouth, causing me to gag.  
He gripped my hair tighter, the pain was welcome. I fucking loved it.  
Jake groaned loudly, thrusting harder into my mouth, hitting the back of my throat. My eyes started watering uncontrollably.  
 _No strings._  
He grabbed my chin, pushing me onto my back. He settled in between my legs, "Don't worry." He whispered, leaning down to his jeans, "I brought it." He held up a condom and smirked as he rolled it on.  
I sighed contentedly as he kissed down my shoulder. He grabbed my legs, hooking them around his waist.  
I screamed out when he thrust harshly into me, my nails digging into his back. Jake grabbed my hips, both of us moving together in hissed through his teeth, as he moved faster.  
My back arched, moans escaped me at every thrust. Jake leaned his forehead against my shoulder, groaning quietly. He nibbled my earlobe, I bit my lip, my nails embedded into his skin.  
 _Just a little bit longer._  
"Fuck, Swan." Jake growled, digging his fingers into my hips.  
My legs tightened around his waist as he led me closer, closer, closer.  
I screamed out, shuddering against him.  
 _Rest in peace innocence._  
Both us, panting softly, lay quietly. Beads of sweat dripped from Jake's forehead onto my shoulder. He smiled widely at me and kissed me chastely, before sitting up and pulling his clothes back on.  
I covered myself with my bed sheets and stared up at the ceiling.  
"Wanna smoke?" Jake asked, patting his pockets for his lighter.  
"Okay." I sat up, legs crossed under my blankets.  
Jake handed me a joint, smirking as he watched me.  
"What?" I raised a brow, exhaling smoke.  
"Nothing." He shook his head, "You're something else."  
I frowned at his words, "Good or bad?"  
Jake chuckled, "Good."  
Good.

I skipped to my locker with Alice, giggling to ourselves about nothing in particular.  
"I can't wait for tomorrow night." Alice leaned against the lockers, watching me place my bag inside.  
"I know. It's going to be great." I commented.  
Rosalie sighed, leaning her elbow on Alice's shoulder, "You guys seen Emmett yet?"  
I shook my head, "No. Maybe he's late."  
Rosalie frowned and flicked her blond hair over her shoulder, "This is ridiculous. He was supposed to meet me before school started. And school starts like, now."  
Alice smiled sympathetically, "You can see him at lunch."  
Rosalie scoffed, "Yeah. Right."  
I shut my locker and gripped my books tightly against my chest, "Better get to class." I mumbled.  
Alice linked her arm with mine as we made our way to Calculus.  
I was excited about tomorrow night. Actually excited. I had a lot to celebrate. My dad was doing good, I was eighteen, I finally felt like I belonged here. For now, anyway.  
Edward didn't show up at lunch time, which caused my stomach to turn.  
 _You're a masochistic motherfucker._  
I sighed to myself. I couldn't argue. I was.

I wanted him to leave me alone, and when he did, I missed it. What the hell was wrong with me? I could deal with his jokes and his anger, but I couldn't deal with his coldness and complete disregard to my existence.  
I brought it on myself, I know. I told him to fuck off. I told him to leave me alone.  
And now he finally was.


	12. Perfect Denial

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Song for this chapter: Beautiful Lie - 30STM**

 **Hope you're all still enjoying this story!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

"I love you."  
She was silent for a moment. I heard her take a deep shaky breath before she replied, "Edward." She whispered, ""I am seriously sick and tired of being the punchline to your sick as fuck jokes." She sobbed, "I meant what I said. Stay the hell away from me."  
She ended the call before I had a chance to answer her.  
I stared at my phone in disbelief. She didn't believe me.  
 _Can you blame her?_  
I threw my phone against the wall and sat on my bed, head in hands. She didn't believe that I loved her. That I adored her. And I couldn't blame her. I had never given her any reason to believe that I do. Not after everything. Which made me feel worse. I was such a dick. I had to make it up to her. I had to prove myself, didn't I?  
Well, that's exactly what I was going to do.  
 _Good luck with that, asshole._  
I made my way down stairs, thumping my feet across the hardwood floor.  
"What's the matter with you?" My dad folding his newspaper and eyed me suspiciously.  
I frowned, "Nothing. What's the matter with you?"  
My dad sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead, "Stop being a smart ass."  
I scoffed and made my way toward the fridge, staring inside, "I'm not being a smart ass. It was a simple question." I retorted, grabbing a can of juice, "And anyway, shouldn't you and mom be going somewhere? It's Friday night."  
He shook his head, "I have to be at the hospital soon. Night shift."  
I arched a brow, "Since when do you work night shifts?"  
"Since I have a patient who is getting surgery in a few days and another patient who has just had surgery." He stood up, tucking the paper under his arm, "I'll be home tomorrow morning." He grabbed his keys and shut the front door behind him.  
I sat at the kitchen island staring off into space. It was Friday night and I had sweet fuck all to do.  
You could always call Jane.  
I rolled my eyes at myself. Not a chance in hell. I broke up with her for a reason. A damn good reason at that. And I was not, _not_ going to crawl back to her. What kind of message would that send to her? And to Bella?  
I shuddered, this was fifty shades of messed up.  
Emmett stormed his way into the kitchen, glaring once at me and then at the table, "Rosalie is refusing to see me tonight."  
Rolling my eyes, I stood up, "Why?"  
Emmett sighed deeply, plopping down on a chair, "Something to do with some waitress I was checking out or some shit."  
"Wasn't that last week?"  
Emmett nodded, dragging his hands down his face, "Yep."  
I chuckled, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Well done, brother."  
He shook my hand off him and scowled, "She's taking it way too seriously, Edward. And I can't make it up to her if she won't see me, can I?"  
"I guess so. Fuck her, man. Go out with Jasper or something." I grabbed my juice and made my way to the living room where my mom sat, nose in a book and a glass of wine at her side.  
I sat down on the couch opposite her and turned on the tv, flicking through the channels.  
"You're not going out tonight?" My mom asked quietly.  
I shook my head, eyes glued to the tv, "Nope."  
My mom sighed, lifting her glass of wine, "Why not?"  
"Because I don't feel like it." I lied. What could I do anyway?  
"Alright. I'm going for a bath. There's food in the freezer if you're hungry." She took her book and wine with her when she left.  
I shook my head at her retreating figure. What happened to this family?

Saturday.  
It was hot as fuck outside. The high was 104. Which was weird for the middle of September.  
My mom lounged outside, feet in the pool, catching rays. My brother was out with Rosalie. I figured they had made up. And my dad, well where do you think he was?  
Today would be spent the way most of our weekends were spent. Doing absolutely nothing because we were never all together as a family.  
I sat on my window ledge and stared outside. Our next door neighbours were firing up a barbecue and their kids ran around their back yard, laughing and kicking a football around.  
We used to do things like that. We used to do it a lot. But it was just a faded memory now. It's not been that way for a long time and I can't for the life of me figure out why. I want to say it was because Emmett and I grew up, but things went down hill before we even started high school. I'd like to say that it would get back to normal, but this was the new normal. A broken family. A father who worked constantly. A mother who found solace at the bottom of a wine bottle and a brother who was never home. And me, a self proclaimed fuck up.  
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the window frame. What was Bella doing? How was her dad?  
 _Pick up the phone and ask her._  
I couldn't. She told me to fuck off. She thought me loving her was a joke. I was many things, but I would never joke about my love for her. I couldn't take back the things I had said and done.  
 _You shouldn't have done them in the first place.  
_ I fucking know.

Jasper came by at six with Alice and I wished to God I was high. I couldn't deal with Alice at the weekends. She was too hyper and excited, even more than what she is at school.  
"So, I told Rosalie that she had to get over it. I mean, Emmett is a guy. And guys have needs…" She shrugged, "I wouldn't care if Jasper done what Emmett did."  
Jasper rolled his eyes and leaned back against the couch, "Thanks."  
Alice sighed, "I'm just saying, babe."  
Jasper locked eyes with me, silently pleading for me to change the subject. I cleared my throat, "Anyone have news on Bella?"  
Alice frowned, confused at my question, "I haven't spoken to her since yesterday when her and Jane were fighting." She answered, "She didn't mention anything about her dad."  
I sighed and stood up, "It's her birthday next Saturday." I mused, walking toward the kitchen.  
She's turning eighteen. I had to do something for her. Get her the most fuckawesome present.  
Jasper followed behind me, "You shouldn't have told Alice about Bella's birthday." He chuckled, "She's gonna want to plan a party now."  
I sighed and rolled my eyes, "Of fucking course." Trust Alice to make a big song and dance about everything.

We spent the night watching shitty movies and eating shitty popcorn, just for an excuse to do something.  
Time passed quickly. It wasn't long until my dad came home, tired and grumpy. He peeked into the lounge and sighed when he saw the three of us, "Hello." He mumbled.  
Alice grinned up at my dad, "Hi, Dr Cullen."  
Jasper nodded toward him and smiled. I raised a brow at my dad, silently testing him.  
He narrowed his eyes at me, "Where's your mother?"  
I shrugged, leaning back in my seat, "I don't know. Probably upstairs passed out."  
My dad scoffed angrily and stormed up the stairs.  
Jasper cleared his throat, "Dude." He warned, giving me a pointed look.  
I sighed, "What? I can't tell the truth now? He asked where she was, so I told him." I answered, "No biggie."  
Jasper shook his head and stood up, "It's getting late. We should go." He took Alice's hand, gently pulling her up, "I'll see you at school on Monday, Edward."  
I looked away from them, focusing on the tv, "Yeah. Whatever."  
So now I couldn't even keep company? Was I really that bad?  
 _Yes. Yes you are._  
The door closed behind them, and I was left alone. Again. This was starting to get old real quick.

Sunday. A day not worth mentioning because nothing really happened.  
I stayed home, again. My dad went to work, again. Emmett went out, again. And my mom, well she drank, again.

Monday.  
Bella didn't sit with us at lunch. I didn't see her all day. Did she even come to school?  
It was official. I was depressed as fuck. I missed her.  
And no, I didn't miss being a dick to her. I missed seeing her face and her cute frustrated expressions. I missed the way her cheeks would flush when she got angry with me. I missed how she would clench her fists when she was trying hard not to punch me. I missed her sarcastic smile because it showed me she could stand up to me. I just fucking missed her.  
"Can you drop me off at Rose's?" Emmett asked as he put on his seatbelt.  
I snorted, "Why? So you two can fuck like bunnies all night?"  
Emmett growled, "No."  
I turned on the engine, "Have you guys sorted out your shit?" I asked, pulling out of my parking space.  
He grinned, "Yep."  
"So you are gonna fuck like bunnies then?"  
"Oh yeah." He laughed, leaning back, "Would do you some good to find someone." He joked.  
My fists clenched around the steering wheel, "I guess." I said quietly.  
"What are you doing later?" He asked, watching me drive.  
"Don't know." I answered simply. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I just wanted to drive in silence.  
"Okay. Well, if you want, I can come home earlier and we can play X-box or something?"  
I snorted and shook my head, "We're not ten anymore."  
Emmett sighed deeply, "Whatever."  
I pulled up outside Rosalie's house and killed the engine, "Here you are."  
Emmett smiled and grabbed his bag, "Later, bro." He shut the door and made his way to the front door.  
I watched as Rose answered, a huge smile gracing her lips when she saw Emmett. Why couldn't I have that?  
 _You're a dick, that's why_.  
Yep. I was a dick.

I made my way home, grumbling to myself. What the fuck happened to my social life?  
Slamming the front door, I frowned, realising no one was home. I had the house to myself. I made my way to the kitchen, searching for something to eat.  
 _Hi darlings,  
_ _There's Chicken Parmesan in the oven.  
_ _Your dad and I will be home later tonight.  
_ _Love mom.  
_ I snorted, throwing the note into the bin and then went to the oven. I turned it off and open the door. I had to admit, it smelled amazing.

I stared at my plate, pushing the food around it.  
 _Stop feeling sorry for yourself._  
Easier said than done.  
Fuck it. I've had enough of this boredom. I wiped my hands on my jeans and grabbed my car keys, praying that she would let me in.  
 _You asshole.  
_ I scowled at myself in the rear view mirror. I didn't like it myself, but it beats sitting around, right?  
The drive to her house took ten minutes. I sat outside, debating my next move.  
"Okay," I breathed to myself, "Okay."  
One of the bedroom lights were on. Was she home? I killed the engine and opened the door, taking a deep breath. The house was pale grey, barely noticeable behind trees and shrubs. From the outside, it looked far too big.  
Slowly, I made my way to the front porch. I looked up at the house and closed my eyes.  
 _Two more steps and you're at the door_.  
Two more steps and I would see her. Two more steps and I could tell her the truth face to face. Two more steps and she may actually believe me. Two more fucking steps.  
I opened my eyes to see the light had been turned off. My heart rate quickened. She was going to catch me standing out here like a creep.  
Another light, I assumed from the bathroom, came on. I breathed a sigh of relief.  
 _Why so relieved, Cullen? You're knocking on the door anyway_.  
Okay, two steps.  
But I couldn't do it. My feet were rooted to the spot.  
 _What's wrong with you?_  
I shook my head, exhaling loudly. I couldn't. She wouldn't appreciate this. She'd probably punch me and tell me to fuck off again. But I had to try, right?  
"Damn it!" I growled to myself. My fucking feet still wouldn't move.  
 _What are you so afraid of?_  
Her eyes. I was afraid of her eyes. Because when I looked into them I could see her fucking soul, and I could see her heart break. And I couldn't put her through that. No matter what the hell I said to her, she would never believe me. She would never listen long enough for me to explain shit. She would never give me the time of day.  
I turned on my heel and stormed back to my car, "Fuck this day." I hissed as I slammed my door shut, "Fuck this day a million times over."

Tuesday. I fucking hate Tuesdays.  
I looked like shit. I didn't get much sleep. I had spent the night thinking. _Overthinking_ I should say, imagining scenarios where everything was fucking picture perfect.  
"Good morning!" Emmett slung his bag over his shoulder and grinned as he waited at the front door for me.  
"Morning." I mumbled back, grabbing my jacket from the hook, "Why so cheery?" I asked, collecting my keys from the glass bowl at the door.  
Emmett shrugged, "I'm always cheery."  
"Yeah. Okay." I shut the front door behind us and made my way to the car.  
I pulled into the school parking lot and immediately spotted her.  
She was walking with Alice, arm in arm. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I ran a hand through my unruly bronze hair and sighed, "You getting out or what?" I hissed to my brother.  
He rolled his eyes and got out of the car, "I'll see you at lunch."  
"Don't we have Trig together?" I asked, shutting the car door.  
Emmett sighed deeply, "It's been cancelled today. Don't you listen in class? Mr Varner has an appointment so we have a free period."  
I raised my brows, "Oh."  
Emmett scoffed and turned away, scanning the lot for Rosalie.  
I grabbed my bag from the trunk and made my way into school. What could I get up to for two hours?  
I leaned against my locker, watching everyone scurry along the hallway in their collective groups. Idiots.  
"What's up with your face?" Alice asked, suddenly beside me, scaring me shitless.  
"Jesus Christ, Alice." I spat, "Where the hell did you come from?"  
She smiled apologetically at me, "Sorry."  
"How's Bella?" I asked, looking back toward the crowds.  
"Why don't you ask her yourself?" Alice muttered, "What's your deal with her anyway?"  
"There is no deal." I replied sourly, "Not anymore anyway."  
Alice frowned, confused at my words, "What?"  
I shook my head, "Nothing." She wasn't supposed to know what I meant. She never will know.  
She rolled her eyes, "See you at lunch. Hopefully you'll be a little more up beat." She said as she began walking away from me.  
"Don't count on it." I whispered.  
Like I said, I fucking hate Tuesdays.

I ended up hiding in the library for the two hours I had free. Sad, I know. But I liked it here.  
"Mr Cullen, are you planning on reading that?" The librarian sneered down at me.  
I stared at the book in front of me and nodded, "Yeah." I whispered. I ran my fingers across the front page and smirked to myself. _Hamlet_.  
I wondered if Bella ever got round to reading it that day we spoke in here. That day she looked like utter shit. That day she told me to go fuck myself.  
I chuckled quietly, "Hamlet's shit anyway." I whispered to myself. I lifted the book and made my way to the desk, to check out the book.  
The librarian raised a brow as she took the book off me, "Return on the nineteenth of September, Mr Cullen." She mumbled, handing me it back.  
I nodded and stuffed it into my bag, "Thanks." I gave her a small smile and left the library for lunch.  
I took my seat next to Rosalie and stared out of the window. My reflection didn't go unnoticed. I really looked like shit. I looked like I hadn't slept in days. I had big black bags under my eyes and my hair was a state.  
"Where did you go for the free period?" Emmett asked, his mouth full of food.  
I shrugged, "Nowhere in particular."  
Emmett nodded, "Do you think Bella will sit with us today? She hasn't been here at lunch for a few days." He sighed, "It's getting kinda boring."  
I rolled my eyes, "Maybe she just doesn't want to be associated with you." I retorted. She wasn't sitting with us at lunch because I told her not. But he didn't need to know that.  
Rosalie frowned, "Don't talk to him like that."  
I scoffed and stared out of the window again, "Whatever."  
"Look who it is!" Emmett exclaimed, "I was just saying to the guys that things have got boring since you stopped sitting with us."  
I turned my head to see Bella plopping down next to Emmett.  
She smiled sadly, "Sorry." She opened her bottle of water and met eyes with me. She smiled sweetly at me, "You look like shit."  
My eyes narrowed, "Thanks." Was it that noticeable?  
Emmett chuckled, "He's depressed."  
Bella frowned, "Why?"  
I sighed, staring out of the window again, "Depressed." I mumbled. I guess I was.  
Jasper snorted, "Depressed, my ass. He's just being a moody asshole."  
"Sure." Bella responded. I clenched my teeth.  
 _Depressed because of you, Swan._  
Alice cleared her throat, "Bella's party this weekend, you guys coming?" She looked between Rosalie and me.  
Rosalie smiled, "Duh!"  
I didn't answer, I just continued to stare out of the window, ignoring them all. I didn't want to speak. I didn't want to engage in small talk. Did Bella even want me at her party anyway?  
"Earth to Edward." Emmett clicked his fingers in front of my face, "Are you going on Saturday?"  
I shrugged indifferently, "Sure. Whatever."  
 _Act nonchalant_.  
Yeah, act nonchalant. I shouldn't get my hopes up.  
Alice clapped her hands in delight, "Yay!" She exclaimed, "You all need to pitch in." She grinned at Bella, "This is going to be so much fun."  
She smiled warmly in return and the sight made my heart swell.  
 _If only she'd smile at you like that._  
Rosalie leaned forward, "Who's in charge of alcohol?"  
Jasper raised his hand, "Me."  
"I'll help with that." Emmett nodded, "I'll just raid my dad's cabinet."  
I rolled his eyes, "And hope he doesn't notice?" My brother could be so dense at times.  
Emmett nodded, "Yes."  
Bella shook my head, a smile playing on her lips, "You guys don't have to go to all that trouble."  
I narrowed his eyes at her. I would do absolutely anything for her. Didn't she realise this? "We do." I replied through clenched teeth.  
Jasper smirked, "You're only eighteen once, right?"  
"I guess." Bella answered quietly.  
Alice patted her hand, "Is there anyone you want to invite? Since it is your party and all."  
She stared at the table, frowning slightly as she thought. It was too cute. I wanted to smooth her frown out. My fingers twitched at my side, desperate to touch her.  
"No." She said finally, "I think you've got it covered."  
Alice nodded, "Okay then."  
I turned my head back to the window and watched the freshmans choke on their cigarettes.  
I needed a distraction. I couldn't look at Bella's face. Because if I did, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from grabbing her hand and dragging her away. I needed her to know. She needed to know.

We didn't have school on Wednesday. Some teacher convention or some shit. So I spent my day trying and failing to catch up on homework.  
Emmett and Rosalie disappeared, off to the beach or some shit. I didn't fucking know. I didn't fucking care.  
My dad, of course, working.  
My mother, she was out socialising with her friends.  
I wandered around the house, wondering what I could get up to. My options were pretty limited.  
 _You could always do laundry._  
I snorted at myself. Yeah, and pigs will fly.  
It was true though. The laundry had piled up. Emmett wouldn't think to do it and my mom never had the time.  
I sighed deeply. Guess I was doing laundry. I piled the clothes into the machine and pressed random buttons, hoping that one of them would turn it on.  
The machine roared to life as it began washing the clothes. Thank Christ for that.  
I flopped down on the couch in the lounge, resting my feet on the coffee table as I channel surfed. Life had gotten pretty boring, hadn't it?  
 _What happened to 'bad boy Cullen'?_  
He never existed. It was a façade, remember?

An hour later, and the laundry was finished. I opened the door and peered inside.  
"Shit." I whispered, pulling out one of Emmett's shirts that was once white. "Its fucking blue." I mumbled.  
Was I supposed to separate the colours from the whites? I looked up at the ceiling and cursed myself. I was destined for absolute fuck all in this life. I couldn't even do laundry right.  
I pulled my phone out and dialled my dad's number.  
"Yes, Edward?" He sighed.  
"Uh, dad, I thought I'd do some laundry…" I began.  
My dad choked on the other end, "You what?"  
I clenched my teeth, "Yeah yeah, I know. But listen, everything's different colours."  
My dad laughed, "Did you separate the coloureds?"  
I sighed deeply, "No. How do I fix it?"  
This had to be the most fucked up, stupid, annoying, idiotic conversations of my entire fucking life.  
He cleared his throat, "You can't. Just pray that your mother doesn't kill you when she gets home."  
"Yeah thanks!" I spat.  
"Edward?"  
"What?"  
"Thank you for trying." He mumbled before ending the call.  
Yeah, thanks for trying. That's all I ever do. _Try_.

Thursday was a long day. Nothing much to mention except my heart was basically broken into a thousand fucking pieces.  
I sat in my car, across the street from Bella's trying to find the courage to go to her front door again. I had been sitting there for half an hour.  
 _Just do it, pussy._  
If only it was that easy. I stared over at her house, she was home. Her bedroom light was on.  
It was a half day today at school so I didn't see her at lunch. I didn't get a chance to speak to her.  
 _Excuses._  
I was full of them, I know.  
A car pulled up outside her house and I shrunk back, hiding from sight. Who was that?  
The car headlights went out, and he stepped out. Jacob fucking Black.  
What did he want with Bella?  
He shut the car door and lifted his hand to his mouth, checking his breath. My stomach knotted.  
 _It's not what you think._  
I watched intently as he walked up to her front door and knocked. A few moments passed and Bella answered, dressed plainly in sweats, her hair in a ponytail. She smiled affectionately at him and closed the door after he stepped inside.  
Not what I think? Yeah.  
I growled under my breath. This wasn't fucking happening. A few minutes had passed and her bedroom light was turned off. I looked away, concentrating on the little clock on the dashboard.  
 _Well, that was unexpected._

Unexpected. But yet, expected. I couldn't fault her for moving on, but with him? I brought this on myself, I know. I told her she meant nothing to me, but she does. She told me to fuck off and leave her alone.  
And now, I might just finally do that.


	13. New Way To Bleed

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **New Way To Bleed - Evanescence**

 **Thanks for all your reviews and support!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

I didn't sit with them at lunch time. I couldn't. I couldn't face her. I had so many questions, questions that I had no right to ask. It was none of my business. If she was with Jake, then that was that. There was nothing I could do about it.  
I sat outside in my car during lunch. It was the safest place to be. I had contemplated ditching today, but my father would go crazy and I didn't have the energy to have it out with him. I stared at the dashboard. It was Bella's birthday tomorrow. Would Jake be there? This party would be awkward if he does show. I was dreading it. The last thing I wanted to see was Bella all over him.  
 _That's not her style._  
I closed my eyes, leaning my head back. Who knew what her style was anymore. I would never have penned her as the girl who fucked a drug dealer. Did she even know he was a drug dealer? How did they meet anyway?  
I cracked my knuckles and sighed, "Façade." I whispered to myself. It was time to put on the façade. Pretend like I didn't know, pretend I didn't care.  
I made my way into Biology, settled in my seat and turned toward the window.  
Mr. Banner sauntered in, smiling at us all, "Did everyone finish their Genetics homework?" He asked.  
I sighed deeply and pulled my work out of my bag, sliding it to the top of the desk. It was all so tedious.  
"Thank you, Mr Cullen." He smirked, collecting my paper before he made his way along the class collecting everyone else's.  
Bella and Alice opened the door, quickly making their way to their seats. "Sorry." Bella mumbled to Mr. Banner.  
I clenched my fists at my sides and closed my eyes.  
 _Breathe, Cullen._  
Breathe? Fucking breathe? I pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to calm down. Fuck knows how or why I got so angry, but I did.  
Just hearing her voice infuriated me to my very soul.  
 _She fucked him._  
No. I didn't know that for sure. Maybe she turned the light off cause they were watching a movie. Maybe.  
Mr. Banner returned to his desk, "Turn your textbooks to page fifty." He instructed.  
I did as I was told and scanned the page quickly. _Epigenetic's._  
I rolled my eyes, more genetic shit to learn.  
Mr. Banner cleared his throat and began a lecture on Morphogenesis and Cellular Differentiation, whatever the fuck that was.  
I used to adore Biology, but now, it was just another class and I just had to endure it.

"What would Bella drink?" Emmett asked, sitting cross legged in front of our father's liquor cabinet.  
"How the fuck should I know?" I replied, watching him pull out bottles of Bourbon and Tequila.  
Emmett frowned, examining the bottles, "She looks like a Tequila girl."  
I scoffed at my brother and sat down next to him, "Does it even matter? I'm pretty sure everyone's gonna get to that stage of drunk, they'll drink anything."  
"Even Bella?" He asked, raising a brow, "She doesn't seem like that kinda girl."  
I shrugged, "She's full of surprises." I commented sourly.  
Emmett sighed and lifted out a bottle of Jack Daniels, "Now we're talking."  
I grabbed the Tequila and Bourbon and stood up, "We need to get ready." I stated, leaving the room. I went up to my room, sitting the bottles on my couch and moved to my wardrobe.  
What does one wear to a house party? I stared at my clothes and sighed. I was worse than a girl. I had to look good for her.  
I pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a black shirt. That would just have to do.  
A loud knock on my door caused me to jump, "What?" I hissed.  
Emmett barged through the door, holding up his shirt, "This used to be white! It's _blue_!"  
I suppressed a chuckle and feigned concern, "What? Are you sure?"  
Emmett glared at his shirt and cursed, "This is ridiculous, Edward."  
I shook my head and took the shirt off him, "It doesn't look…too bad."  
Emmett snorted, "Are you kidding me? Look at it!" He shook his head angrily, "It's not even properly blue. It's half blue and white. I am _not_ wearing that."  
"Why are you telling me?" I throw the shirt back at him.  
"Because _you_ did this."  
I shrugged, "Easy mistake. Now get the fuck out so I can get ready."  
Emmett huffed loudly, "Fine." He opened my bedroom door and stepped out. I shook my head at his outburst and made my way to the bathroom.  
The warm feel of the shower was welcome on my skin. It relaxed me and allowed me to think clearer. If I could get Bella alone tonight, I could make things right. Really right. I leaned my forehead against the wall, the water from the shower beating down on my back.  
 _Good plan, asshole_.  
It was the best I got.

I grabbed my car keys from the glass bowl and leaned against the wall, waiting on my tardy brother.  
We were already half an hour late.  
"Emmett!" I growled.  
He bounded down the stairs, huffing and puffing, "I'm here, I'm here!" He huffed, putting on his jacket.  
"You're not planning on driving there, are you?" He asked, eyeing my keys.  
"Yeah. I'm not planning on having a lot to drink." I responded, grabbing the bag of alcohol.  
Emmett shook his head and opened the front door, "Dad is gonna kill you."  
What dad doesn't know won't hurt him.  
The drive to Alice's took five minutes, since she didn't live that far from us. I pulled up outside and took a deep breath.  
I could hear the music from outside, the laughter of the everyone from inside.  
Emmett threw open the door, and bounced inside. This was it.  
I shut the car door and slowly made my way to the front door.  
Alice spotted me and weaved her way through the dancing bodies, "Hey! How come you're so late?" She shouted over the music.  
I shrugged and leaned down to talk in her ear, "Where's the birthday girl?"  
Alice pointed toward the kitchen before setting off to find Jasper.  
Stuffing my hands in my pockets, I leaned against the kitchen door.  
 _So much for leaving her alone._  
I growled inwardly. She needed to know the truth, and so did I.  
The kitchen units were overflowing with keg cups and bottles of beer and vodka. The two back doors were open for air and people littered the back garden, smoking and drinking. I scanned the kitchen, searching for Bella.  
She stood, staring at a pizza box, chewing on her bottom lip.  
I smirked and walked over to her, "You know, you're supposed to eat that, right?"  
Bella sighed deeply and looked up at me, "What?"  
"The pizza?" I pointed to the box and smiled, "You're supposed to eat it. Not glare at it."  
Bella rolled her eyes and reached for a bottle of Bourbon that was sitting nearby.  
"Bourbon girl." I whispered to myself.  
"Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" Bella asked, sitting up on the kitchen unit. She was buzzed.  
"Happy birthday." I chuckled, filling up a cup with Diet Coke.  
She raised a brow, "You're not drinking?"  
I shook my head, "Nah. Not in the mood." I admitted, taking a sip.  
Bella snorted and took a swig off her Bourbon, "Boring."  
Where did this attitude come from?  
Emmett bounced into the kitchen then, enveloping Bella in a bear hug, "Happy birthday, Swan girl!"  
Bella laughed and pushed him away, "Thanks."  
Emmett grinned widely, "I've brought Tequila."  
Bella scrunched her nose up, "I'm a-"  
"Bourbon girl." I finished, motioning toward the bottle in her hands.  
"Shoulda known." He huffed, grabbing himself a cup, "Well, there's Bourbon too." He kissed the top of Bella's head, "Enjoy your party." He said before wandering off to join the dancing.  
I raised a brow, smirking while I watched Bella drink and drink and drink.  
She jumped down off the unit and stumbled. I was quick to catch her, "You good?" I whispered. She nodded and pushed me away, "I'm good."  
She's good.  
She grabbed a balloon from the kitchen table and grinned, "Happy birthday to me." She giggled, stumbling her way back to the party.  
A few senior guys grabbed Bella by the waist, lifting her in the air as they sang happy birthday to her.  
I clenched my fists. This was getting out of hand.  
 _Bella's enjoying it._  
Screw that. The way they're touching her was making my skin crawl.  
I watched as Bella danced with them, their bodies far too close for my liking.  
 _Are you jealous?_  
Yes, okay? I was fucking jealous. I shouldn't be, but I was.  
Bella finished her bottle and delicately placed it on a nearby table, "Why so glum, Cullen?" She mumbled, searching for another bottle of Bourbon.  
"No reason." I replied, taking a bottle from the bag Emmett and I brought. I handed it to her and smirked, "Looking for this?"  
Her eyes widened as she took the bottle from me. She unscrewed the top and took a long gulp before her eyes settled back to mine, "Is this my birthday present?" She asked sarcastically.  
I chuckled and shook my head, "No."  
"Good." She nodded in approval and continued to drink. Fucking hell. She drank like a fish. It was true. What happened to the sweet Bella from summer? Did I do this to her?  
Bella raised a brow, "What?"  
"What, what?"  
"You're staring at me." She swayed back and forth.  
"I was thinking."  
"About what?" She moved closer to me so she could hear me over the music.  
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. She smelled divine. Strawberries. "About nothing." I lied.  
Bella looked up at me, her eyes searching mine, "Okay." She whispered.  
"Okay." I whispered in return. Being this close to her was surreal. Our eyes stayed locked on each other's as we stood, silent. Just staring.  
Alice ran into the kitchen then, and I stepped away from Bella, keeping a safe distance between us. Bella shot me a confused, pained look before turning her attention to Alice.  
"Bella! You need to dance with me!" Alice sang, grabbing Bella's hands and pulling her toward the music. Bella smiled in return and disappeared with her, leaving me feeling like an idiot.

I stood outside, smoking and watching the Sophomores, Alice had invited, dance to some Hollywood Undead song. It was comical.  
"Hey you."  
My whole body tensed when I heard her voice and I swear my balls jumped up inside my body. What was she doing here? Who invited her?  
"Jane." I slowly turned around to see her, standing hands on hips and a smug smile on her face, "What are you doing here?"  
"It's Swan's birthday, dumbass. Alice invited me." She answered.  
"If you're here just to cause trouble, Jane, I swear-"  
"Relax." She sighed, cutting me off, "I'm here to drink and get laid. I'm not gonna start shit with your precious Bella."  
I sighed deeply, "She's not mine."  
Jane raised a brow, "You sure about that?" She asked, before turning on her heel and walking over to her group of sluts.  
 _Yeah, Cullen. Are you sure about that?_  
Yes I was sure. She wasn't mine. She wasn't mine for a long time. I fucked it.  
 _Time to unfuck it._  
Okay. If I was gonna do this, I needed liquid confidence.  
I went back inside, scanning for Bella.  
"She went upstairs." Jasper shouted to me over the music.  
I raised a brow, silently questioning him. He smirked in return, raising his cup at me.  
Rosalie and Emmett were making out on the couch and Alice was skipping around high as a kite. I stepped over a few of the lightweight's unconscious bodies and into the kitchen.  
Jack Daniels and Coke will do nicely.  
I gulped it down and cracked my neck before climbing the stairs. There was a line for the bathroom, Sophomores grinding against Seniors in the hallway and white powder on the floor. I cocked a brow and smirked. It didn't take a genius to figure out what that was.  
I opened one of the bedroom doors and peered inside, no Bella. I moved onto the next one and was met with a shriek of horror and someone falling to the floor.  
No, not someone. _Rosalie_.  
"Jesus fucking Christ!" I hissed, covering my eyes, "Emmett!"  
"Bro, get the fuck out of here!" Emmett growled.  
"I'm going!" I slammed the door shut and shuddered. I was definitely going to have nightmares about what I just witnessed. Didn't I just see them on the couch? Damn, they move fast.  
I made my way down the hallway and knocked on the last closed door. God knows, I didn't want to walk in on someone else doing the deed.  
"What?"  
I smirked and opened the door, "Hey."  
"What do you want?" Bella slurred. She was drunk. Really drunk.  
"I just walked in on Emmett and Rosalie." I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.  
Bella covered her mouth with her hand as she gaped, "No." She gasped.  
"Yes." I nodded and sat down on one of the chairs by the window, "You enjoying your birthday?" I mused, watching her.  
She leaned against the wall and smiled lazily, "I'm high and drunk, of cour-course."  
"Get your weed from Jake?" I asked, raising a brow.  
She frowned, "Who?"  
I rolled my eyes and stood up, "C'mon Bella. Don't lie to me."  
"What's it to you anyway, Cullen?" She spat, straightening herself up, "I can do what I want." She crossed her arms over her chest and nodded matter-of-factly.  
"You can. But with Jacob Black of all people? Come on, Bella."  
Bella narrowed her eyes, "You don't, you don't get to tell me who I can or can't hang out with."  
"I'm not. I'm telling you who you can and can't fuck." My words came out harsher than intended and Bella flew towards me, punching me in the chest.  
"Fuck you, Edward!" She growled.  
I grabbed her wrists, pushing her away from me, "Listen to me, Bella!"  
She pulled her wrists free and turned away from me, sitting herself down on the bed, "Why are you doing this?" She whispered, "It's none of your concern who I sleep with. It's none of your-of your concern what I do. I'm nothing to you. How did you know anyway?"  
I wanted to rip my hair out in frustration. Why couldn't she just listen to me? Why couldn't she accept that I cared for her? There was no way in hell I was going to answer her question. She didn't need to know I camped outside her house in my car almost every night. She'd slap a restraining order on my ass.  
"I know I fucked this up, Bella." I whispered, leaning against the wall, facing her, "I know I fucked it majorly."  
Bella sighed and ran a hand through her hair, "I need another drink." She mumbled, standing up. She swayed as she stood and ended up back on her ass on the bed.  
I chuckled as I watched her. She was adorable.  
"This isn't funny." She spat as she stood again.  
"I know." I whispered, "But-"  
"But what?" She hissed, moving closer to me. She glared up at me, "But what?" She repeated.  
"I just don't want you to get involved with Jake."  
She sighed deeply and hid her face in her hands, "It's none of your business."  
I gently tugged at her wrists so I could see her face. Her hands dropped to her sides as she stared up at me.  
"I'm sorry." I whispered, "For everything I've done to you since you've got here. I didn't treat you the way I should have." I brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and smiled softly, "I know you don't believe me-"  
Her kiss silenced me. She wrapped her arms around my neck and pressed her body against mine.  
 _No. She's drunk._  
I couldn't help but kiss her back. I had been waiting for this for too long. Drunk or not, I didn't care.  
 _You will when you take advantage of her._  
I pushed my thoughts to the back of my mind and hugged her closer. She tasted like cigarettes, Bourbon and bubble gum.  
Her hands trailed down my chest as she began unbuttoning my shirt.  
 _Stop this, Cullen._  
I couldn't. I let her drop my shirt to the floor and feel her way along my chest. I shivered against her touch and moved my kisses to her neck. Her fingers threaded into my hair as I guided her to the bed. She squirmed underneath me and moaned quietly as her mouth found mine again. She kissed me, hard. Our tongues dancing against each other.  
I wanted this. I needed this. I fucking missed this.  
She dragged her nails down my chest, causing me to hiss through my teeth. Fuck me.  
Stop this, Cullen.  
If she didn't want this, then she wouldn't have kissed me. If she didn't feel the same way I do, she wouldn't have kissed me. Plain and simple.  
My gut was telling me to stop, that it wasn't real on her part. But my head was telling me to savour it, bask in her drunken lust. I pulled her tank top off and smiled against her over heated skin. She was so soft.  
She froze underneath me, and pulled away. "Stop." She whispered, pushing against my chest.  
I leaned back and stared at her, confused. "What's wrong?"  
She sat up and shook her head, patting the bed for her top.  
"Bella?" I grabbed her wrist, "Seriously, what's wrong?"  
She pulled her wrist back and put her top back on, mumbled something about a mistake and stumbled her way out of the room.  
 _You should've stopped it before it started._  
I exhaled loudly, flopping back down on the bed. Did that seriously just happen? I grabbed my shirt and throw it back on, buttoning it quickly and followed her down the stairs.

I stepped over more unconscious bodies and sighed deeply when I spotted her with Jane.  
 _Façade, Cullen.  
_ "Your phone is ringing, Swan." Jane mumbled, swirling her drink around her cup.  
Bella sighed deeply when she spotted me and reached for her phone.  
I peered over her shoulder and frowned, "Why the fuck is my dad calling you?"  
Bella ignored me and answered the call, "Hello?"  
Jane rolled her eyes and left the kitchen, leaving me and Bella alone.  
"What?" She whispered. All the blood drained from her face as her phone fell through her fingers, landing on the kitchen tiles.  
"What's wrong?" I asked, watching her carefully.  
She stared blankly ahead, not seeing anything, "My…my dad. Something's wrong. I have to...I have to..."  
I lifted her chin and turned her head so I could see her, "What about him?"  
She blinked a few times and pushed me away, "Fuck off, Cullen." She hissed. She grabbed her jacket from one of the chairs at the kitchen table and pushed past me.  
Jasper, who was sitting on the couch, still drinking, cocked a brow as he watched us.  
I ran a hand through my hair and followed her outside, "Where are you going?" I shouted after her.  
She didn't respond. She just kept walking.  
"Bella!" I ran down Alice's driveway, trying to catch up with her.  
"What's happening?" I heard someone ask. I turned back to see almost everyone standing outside watching.  
"Seriously, Bella, stop!" I reached her then, turning her round to face me.  
She narrowed her eyes, "I'm going to the hospital, okay?"  
"Let me drive you." I offered, patting my pockets for my keys.  
"I don't want anything from you." She responded coldly.  
I tilted my head to the side, "Don't be like this."  
We just made out for Christ's sake, and now she's acting like a cold bitch. And for what? Was she embarrassed?  
"Leave me alone." She turned and began walking down the street toward the hospital.  
I watched her retreating figure and silently cursed myself.  
"What's going on?" Alice asked as she ran down to me.  
I pulled my keys out from my pocket and shook my head, "Fuck this." I muttered, climbing into my car.  
She was going to get in this car if it was the last thing she fucking did. She was too drunk to be wandering the streets alone.

I rolled down the window and leaned outside, "Get in the car, Bella." I sighed.  
She continued walking, ignoring me completely.  
"Bella, get in the fucking car!" I hissed, slamming on the breaks.  
She turned toward the car, "No. I'd rather walk!"  
"Oh fuck this." I killed the engine and got out, marching over to her.  
"What the fuck are you doing?" She hissed.  
I grabbed her by the waist, throwing her over my shoulder. "Put me down." She punched at my back, kicking her legs around like a child. I ignored her and placed her in the passenger seat, "Put on your seatbelt." I instructed, closing the door before going to the driver's side.  
She crossed her arms over her chest and stuck her tongue out at me, "There was no need for that."  
"There was no need for a lot of things tonight." I chuckled, concentrating on the road.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked quietly.  
"I'm guessing you didn't mean to kiss me." I stated, stealing a glance in her direction.  
She leaned her head against the window and chewed on her lip, "I didn't mean to do a lot of things tonight."  
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, echoing her words.  
"I'm guessing you didn't want to come tonight?"  
I smirked, "Not really, no." I confessed. There was no point in lying to her.  
She nodded and stared out of the window, "That's cool."  
"So…why does my dad have your number?" I asked, pulling into the hospital parking lot.  
Bella sighed and took off her seatbelt, "He's my dad's doctor."

I followed her into the hospital and to the second floor. I wanted her to know I was here for her. No matter what was happening with her dad. The elevator opened and we stepped out, looking for my dad.  
Bella took a deep breath and made her way to the nurse's station, "Where's Dr Cullen?" She asked politely. It seemed her buzz from earlier had wore off. She was sobering up.  
"Miss Swan?" Bella and I both turned to find my father standing behind us.  
He eyed me curiously, "Edward?"  
I placed my hand on the small of Bella's back and stared at my dad, waiting on an explanation.  
He shook his head, "Go home, Edward."  
"But I-"  
"Now!" He snapped, his eyes fiery with rage.  
I glanced at Bella. She gave me a small smile and nodded, telling me it was okay.  
"Thanks for the ride." She whispered.  
I smiled and backed away from her, "Anytime." I nodded at my dad and went back to the elevator.

It wasn't until the doors were closing that I heard Bella's heart-breaking sob and I saw her fall to the floor.


	14. Tortured You and I

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Up In The Air - 30STM**

* * *

 **EPOV**

I drove back home, taking my sweet ass time. That image of Bella crumpling to the ground was something I couldn't shake.  
What happened?  
My hands tightened around the steering wheel.  
 _Go back._  
I couldn't. My dad would kick me out again. His face when he saw us together was something I didn't want to see again. He looked…angry. But why should he be angry? I stared at the dark road ahead, silently cursing myself for leaving. She needed me, even if she was too afraid to admit it.  
My phone buzzed in my pocket and I growled to myself as I dug it out, "What?" I sighed.  
"Bro, where are you? What happened?" Emmett sounded drunk and worried.  
"I'm driving." I answered simply.  
He sighed down the phone, "Are you going home? Where's Bella?"  
"I don't know where I'm going, Emmett," I snapped, "And she's at the hospital." I ended the call and threw my phone onto the passenger seat. The last thing anyone needed was me crashing because of that idiot calling me.  
 _Go back._  
My stomach turned. I should go back. What kind of person would I be if I didn't?  
I veered to the left, turning the car around. Fuck it. I was going back. I put my foot down on the gas and drove back to the hospital. Fuck my dad. My Bella needed me.  
Within minutes I was back at the hospital. I ran up the stairs, it would be quicker than waiting on the elevator.  
The ward was quiet. Too quiet.  
I scanned the waiting area at the nurses station looking for her. She wasn't there.  
"Can I help you?" A nurse asked, staring up at me. She looked exhausted.  
I cleared my throat, "Bella Swan. I just dropped her off here ten minutes ago."  
The nurse nodded, "I remember. Unfortunately I can't divulge any information to you, since you're not family." She replied, turning back to her paperwork.  
Rude.  
"Where's my dad?" I was positively seething.  
She sighed, exasperated, "In his office."  
I forced a smile and stormed off in the direction of my dad's office, but I wasn't going in. Fuck no. I was going to find Bella.  
I rounded the corner, peering into every little window to the patient's rooms, hoping to see her. I had no such luck.  
"Where the fuck are you, Swan?" I whispered to myself.  
Had she left already? No, she couldn't have. If my suspicions were right, she wouldn't have left. She was still here. I knew it.  
Realisation dawned on me. She was in my fucking dad's office. That was the only place I hadn't checked.  
I silently cursed myself and made my way back to the nurses station, taking a seat in the waiting area. Fuck my father. I couldn't care less if he saw me.  
My leg bounced against the linoleum, what was taking so long? I just wanted to see her, make sure she was okay and leave her to it.  
 _Will you leave her though?_  
If that's what she wanted. I hid my face in my hands and exhaled loudly.  
"Son?"  
I snapped my head up and found my dad staring at me.  
"Where is she?" I hissed, standing up, "Where is she?"  
My dad sighed and gestured for me to sit back down, "I don't think you barging in is the right way to go here, Edward." He looked calm, too calm for my liking.  
"I just want to know if she's okay." I whispered, my eyes wandering around the room.  
"You should go home, son. Leave Miss Swan alone for now." He patted my shoulder and smiled softy, all anger from before had dissolved.  
I shook my head, "No." I stood up, "I'm not going home." I marched toward my father's office and pushed open the door.  
"Edward!" My dad warned as he followed me.  
I stepped inside and my heart fell. She was curled up in a ball in one of the chairs, tissues everywhere.  
"Bella." I whispered softly. I made my way over to her and knelt in front of her.  
She sniffed and wiped her eyes, "What…what are you doing here?" She sounded so broken. So defeated.  
"Edward." My dad warned again, "Leave Miss Swan alone."  
I shot my dad a pointed look, "No." I turned my attention back to Bella and wiped a tear from her cheek.  
"He's…" She took a deep breath through her sobs, "He's gone."  
I scooped her up in my arms and sat down, tucking her against my chest, "It's okay." I whispered.  
My dad sighed deeply and shook his head before leaving the two of us alone.  
"How did this happen?" She sobbed to herself, hiding her face in my chest.  
I rubbed her back gently, allowing her to grieve. The sound of her crying broke my heart. It was the most agonising sound in the world.  
"He was fine. He was going to be fine." She choked quietly.  
"Shhh." I whispered. I hugged her closer and kissed the top of her head, "It's okay."  
I rocked her gently, trying to calm her painful cries. It took a while for her to calm down. Her sobs quietened until all she was doing was sniffing and coughing.  
I continued rubbing her back as I rocked her. Her grip on my shirt relaxed as she settled into unconsciousness.  
I brushed her hair from her face and smiled softly. She was simply angelic. I wished I could take her pain away, make it better. I kissed forehead gently and stood slowly, Bella in my arms.  
Somehow, I managed to open the door.  
My dad raised a brow when he saw me, "What are you doing?" He hissed.  
I narrowed my eyes at him, was he blind? "I'm taking her home." I whispered back. I didn't want to wake her.  
"And how are you going to do that?" My father asked. The rage was back in his eyes.  
I swallowed thickly. How was I going to do that?  
 _Put her in the backseat, dumbass._  
My father sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead, "Take her home, Edward. And then you go straight home, do you hear me? Let the poor girl grieve."  
I nodded and made my way to my car, placing Bella in backseat.

To my surprise, she didn't wake. I left her in the car as I made my way to her front door. There had to be a spare key here somewhere. I lifted a plant pot that was sitting by the door and smirked when I found what I was looking for. I quickly unlocked the door and made my way back to her. I scratched the back of my head as I stared at her. I got her in the car, how the fuck do I get her out?I lifted her arms and wrapped them around my neck, gently lifting her from the car. "It's a good job you're light as a feather." I chuckled quietly to her.  
I kicked the car door shut and carried her into the house and up the stairs. I knew which room was hers immediately.  
 _Yeah, cause you sit outside like a creep_.  
Once I opened her door, I lay her down on her bed, covering her with her blanket that was folded at the bottom of the bed.  
I knelt down beside her and smiled as she slept, "Goodnight, Swan." I whispered, kissing her forehead. I shut her door quietly, sneaked down the stairs and locked her front door. I posted the key in the door and returned to my car.  
 _Go home._  
I should go home. But I didn't want to leave her.  
 _Go home, Cullen._  
And I did. I fucking went home.

I sat in the kitchen the next morning, staring blankly at my breakfast.  
Emmett groaned loudly as he slowly lifted his spoon, "I'm dying." He complained.  
"No, you're not." I mumbled, pushing my bowl away.  
"My head is killing me. I didn't think I drank that much."  
I rolled my eyes, "You drank Alice's kitchen dry." I replied, standing up, "I'm surprised at you."  
Emmett groaned again, "How's Bella?" He asked, "You never told me what happened."  
I pursed my lip, staring out of the kitchen window, "Nothing happened." I lied, "Nothing I can tell you anyway."  
"So, you don't know then? I thought you gave her a ride to the hospital?"  
"I did." I answered simply, "But dad sent me home."  
Emmett nodded, "Yeah, I vaguely remember calling you and you said you were driving."  
I sighed deeply and nodded, "Yeah."  
"Oh good, you're both awake." My mom smiled, going for the coffee, "Did you enjoy the party last night?" She asked, pouring herself a cup.  
Emmett nodded, "Yeah."  
"A bit too much." She laughed, kissing the top of Emmett's head, "What about you, Edward?" She turned to me and smiled widely.  
I shrugged, "It was okay."  
She nodded and grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl, "I'm late for yoga." She stated, "I'll be home in a few hours. I don't know about your dad." She kissed my cheek and left, accidentally slamming the door on her way out.  
Emmett winced and rubbed his forehead, "Is there any aspirin in this house?"  
I rolled my eyes, "In the bathroom." I responded, walking by him, "Go to McDonalds or something."  
I climbed the stairs back to my bedroom and threw myself down on the couch. I hadn't heard from Bella yet. No text, no phonecall. Was she okay?  
 _She's probably busy planning her father's funeral_.  
I rubbed my eyes, of course. How could I forget?  
Part of me wanted to go to her house, check on her, make sure she was okay. The other part was hesitant. My father would probably go crazy at me. Bella was…was what? Just my friend? I shook my head at myself, fuck only knows what she was but I knew sitting about doing fuck all while she was in pain was not an option.  
I made my way back down the stairs and grabbed my keys.  
"Where are you going?"  
I turned around and raised my eyebrows, "You already know." .  
My father shook his head, "Edward, leave the girl alone. She has a lot to deal with right now."  
I stared incredulously at him, "Are you serious? I just want to make sure she's okay."  
He sat his coffee cup down on the table and placed a hand on my shoulder. He looked exhausted. He was still in his work clothes which meant he must've only just came home.  
"Edward." He said again, "Miss Swan wants to be left alone. This is a very difficult time for her."  
"Why do you care?" I spat, shaking his hand off me, "Is this how it goes? You lost a patient so now you're done with the situation?"  
Anger flashed in his eyes, "I can't do anything, Edward. It's not my place to get involved with other people's personal affairs, especially not a patient's family."  
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever."  
My father took a step back and lifted his cup, "I can't get emotionally involved. Neither should you. She is your classmate. By all means, give her your well wishes, but don't harass her." He muttered, walking through to his study.  
I narrowed my eyes. _Classmate_. She was more to me than a fucking classmate to me. Not that he would ever realise that.

I sat in my car, across the street from her house. My father's words ringing loudly in my head.  
 _"Don't harass her."_  
Is that what I'd be doing? Harassing her? She had no one. No family, as far as I knew. And it wasn't like Rosalie or Alice was going to visit. Did they even know?  
I opened the car door and stepped out. I knocked lightly on the front door and stepped back, praying she would answer.  
"Come on, Bella." I mumbled to myself. I tried the door. It was locked.  
 _She's probably away out._  
Bullshit. She was in there, hiding away.  
"Bella!" I shouted, knocking the door again.  
Still no answer. I pinched the bridge of my nose and inhaled slowly. Was it too much to ask for?  
 _Stop thinking about yourself._  
I scoffed and left the porch, walking around to the back. I peered in through the kitchen window. There she was. Wrapped in a blanket on the couch. She stared blankly at the wall, her mouth moving quickly as she was talking to herself.  
I knocked lightly on the window, hoping to catch her attention.  
Bella turned her head and narrowed her eyes, "Go away." She snapped, standing up. She looked absolutely dreadful. Her hair was a mess, her eyes red and swollen. She looked pale, paler than usual.  
I shook my head, "I just want to make sure you're okay."  
Okay, I know. I was borderline stalker.  
"I don't want your sympathy, Edward."  
"You accepted it yesterday!" I hissed back.  
She flipped me off and stormed away, probably up the stairs. I leaned my forehead against the window and closed my eyes.  
 _Should've listened to your dad._  
I know. I know I should've. I had just made everything a million times worse. But I had to see it for myself.  
Curse me and my fucking sharp tongue.

Monday was a drag. Nothing really happened. Alice and Emmett were full of questions. "Where's Bella?" "What happened on Saturday?" "Was it her dad?" "Is he okay?"  
I leaned my forehead on my arms on the table and closed my eyes as they chatted through lunch.  
"Bro?" Emmett nudged me lightly and gave me a small smile, "Everything okay?"  
I nodded, "Fine."  
"Seriously, where is Bella?" Rosalie asked, eyeing me.  
I shrugged. I wasn't her keeper.  
Rosalie sighed and rolled her eyes, "You were the last one to see her."  
I scoffed, "So?"  
"So, why did she go to the hospital?"  
I clenched my teeth. I was done playing twenty questions, "If you're all so concerned about her, why don't you go see her? Or call her? Or fucking text her? Instead of bothering me!"  
Rosalie's eyes widened and Alice leaned into Jasper.  
"Sorry." Rosalie mumbled, turning her attention back to her rabbit food.  
Jasper frowned at me, his eyes full of concern. I shook my head at him and stood up, "I'm going for a smoke." I stated. I was starting to feel claustrophobic. This wasn't my thing to tell. I wasn't prepared to tell my friends, her friends, that her father passed. It was to come from her. When she was ready.  
I stood outside, breathing in fresh air. I needed to relax. I needed to detach myself. She wanted me to leave her alone, yet a-fucking-gain. Why couldn't she just accept that I was here? That I was prepared to help her? Comfort her and love her?  
"You love her, don't you?"  
I turned and sighed at Jasper, "What?"  
Jasper scoffed and walked over to me, leaning against the wall next to me, "I said, you love her, don't you?"  
I frowned at his words. Was it that obvious? I had tried so hard to keep anyone from knowing.  
"I…" I started. No words came to me.  
Jasper smirked and looked away from me, "I saw the way you looked at her the other night," He explained, "But I think there's more to it than that."  
I stared at my feet and chewed the inside of my gum, I wasn't spilling any secrets to him.  
"Ed." Jasper sighed, "Be careful." He warned.  
I looked up at him, "Be careful?" I frowned, "What do I have to be careful about?"  
Jasper smiled softly, "Be careful with her heart." He patted my shoulder and went back inside. Who knew Jasper was such a soppy guy.  
Be careful with her heart.  
I snorted at myself. I could've used that advice on Bella's first day here.  
Still, I had a feeling I wouldn't be seeing Bella for a while. Something didn't sit right with me.

I stared at my father from across the dining table. He was sitting there like nothing had happened. Completely unaffected by Saturday's events.  
My mom chatted animatedly to Emmett about Rosalie and baseball and other shit. I wasn't really paying attention to them.  
My father lifted his glass of wine and gave me a tight smile, "Everything okay, son?"  
I nodded, "Fine." I replied through clenched teeth.  
Look at us, playing happy families when Bella had no one.  
My father sat his cutlery on his plate and cleared his throat, "I have an announcement to make."  
I rolled my eyes at his theatrics.  
My mom smiled, "What's that, honey?"  
"I'm cutting my hours down at the hospital. I'll be home more now."  
I snorted at him and stood, pushing my chair away, "Great." I couldn't hide the venom in my voice.  
My father sighed, "It is great, Edward. We can spend more time together as a family."  
My mom took my father's hand and squeezed it gently, "That's great." She murmured.  
Emmett grinned, "Yeah, dad. Great."  
I rolled my eyes, "Whatever." I lifted my plate and took it over to the sink.  
"What's wrong, Edward?" My mom asked.  
I shook my head, "Nothing. Just the timing is awfully ironic."  
"That's enough!" My father snapped, standing up, "Now, I am sorry about what's happened with your classmate but I am not going to be treated like this in my own home. Do you hear me Edward?"  
I crossed my arms and leaned against the kitchen unit, glaring at my father, "Classmate? _Classmate_?" I shook my head at his words.  
Emmett cleared his throat, "What classmate? What's going on?"  
My mom sighed and looked over at Emmett, "Just leave it alone, sweetie."  
"What do you want me to say, huh? What would you like me to do? Because honestly, Edward, I'm running low on options here." My dad stared up at the ceiling, trying to remain calm.  
"How about acting like you give a shit." I spat back. I went to walk by him but he grabbed my arm, "I _do_ give a shit." He retorted.  
I pulled my arm free, "Whatever." I muttered, marching toward the stairs. He was a great pretender.  
I slammed the door to my bedroom and flopped down on my bed, burying my face in my pillow.  
Was I too emotionally invested? Is that why I was so irrational?  
I rolled over, staring up at the ceiling. This was killing me. All I wanted to do was hold her, wipe her tears away, let her know I'm here.  
 _She knows._  
Does she? Does she really though? All she seems to be doing is pushing me away. I'm not going anywhere though. I'm here to fucking stay and she just had to accept it.  
Emmett knocked on my door and stepped inside, "What the fuck is going on?"  
I sat up and stared at him, "It's Bella." I breathed. I couldn't keep it in any longer. I couldn't keep tiptoeing around it, especially with the way my dad and I had been fighting over it.  
Emmett sat down next to me, leaning his elbows on his thighs, "What about her?"  
"I took her to the hospital on Saturday night," I began, "Dad had called her, so I gave her a ride and when we got there, Dad told me to go home."  
Emmett frowned, but nodded, "Okay?"  
"I left but I ended up going back. And Bella…" I looked away from him, setting my eyes on the floor, "Her dad died on Saturday." I whispered, "And she…she was so fucking broken, Emmett."  
Emmett exhaled through his nose and shook his head, "Fuck."  
"Yeah."  
"And that's who dad's been referring to? The classmate is Bella?"  
I nodded in response.  
"Well," Emmett scratched the back of his neck, "He's right in a way. I mean she is our classmate, but she's your- _our_ friend."  
I growled inwardly. She's more than a friend to me, but he didn't need to know that.  
"What I don't get is why you and dad are fighting about it." Emmett frowned.  
"He wants me to leave her alone." I leaned back against my pillows, "And I can't do that."  
"Why?" Emmett asked, tilting his head to the side.  
"She has no one, Emmett." I muttered, "She moved from fucking Washington for Christ's sake. All her friends are there. All her family. I don't even know where her mom is."  
Emmett sighed and stood up, "It's not your place to be worrying about shit like that."  
"Don't tell anyone." I warned, "I'm sure Bella would want it to come from her."  
Emmett nodded in understanding, "Sure thing."  
I gave him a small smile and lay back down.  
This was the longest Monday of my life. And it was only the fucking beginning.

I gave her Tuesday. I gave her the full fucking day and it lit a fire under my ass.  
 _You're not her boyfriend_.  
No, but I could be. I wasn't about to let her hide away from me for another day.  
I slammed my car door and quickly made my way to her front door, knocking loudly. She was going to answer this door and let me the fuck in.  
"Bella!" I shouted, "Let me in."  
I tried the door and like last time, it was locked.  
"Damn it, Swan! Let me in!"  
I heard the lock click, and the door opened slightly. I breathed a sigh of relief and stepped inside.  
Bella shuffled her way back to the couch and sat down, curling her legs underneath her.  
"Jesus Christ." I whispered, scanning the kitchen.  
Empty Bourbon bottles littered the kitchen island, and an overflowing ashtray full of joints sat beside the sink.  
"Get a good look?" Bella muttered sourly.  
I made my way over to her and sat on the chair opposite, "Talk to me." I urged.  
Bella sighed, "I have nothing to say."  
"Come on, Bella. Don't push me away." I clasped my hands together and watched her eyes fill with tears.  
"I don't understand why you're here." She whispered, "I don't understand why you can't leave me to my own devices. I want to be left alone."  
"But Bella-"  
"My dad is _dead_ , Edward." She hissed through her tears, "Fucking _dead_ , okay? And nothing you can say or do is going to change that."  
I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded, "I know, I just-"  
"You were just thinking about yourself." She wiped her eyes and smirked at herself, "As usual. You never think of anyone but yourself."  
"I came here to see you. I came here to make sure you're okay, I've been going crazy, wondering how you are."  
Bella chewed the inside of her mouth and nodded, "You were going crazy. That just proves my point."  
"I didn't come here to argue, Bella." I muttered.  
"Well, I don't know what else to say to you." She hugged a cushion to her chest and leaned her cheek against the fabric, staring off.  
"Do you…do you have anyone helping you to, you know, organise things?" I asked.  
Her eyes narrowed as she turned to face me, "No. My mother is dead and my dad had no brothers  
and sisters."  
"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. She was making it so difficult, "I'm sorry."  
She raised her eyebrows and exhaled loudly.  
I leaned back in the chair, as she stared at the wall. We remained silent for what felt like a century.  
"He was going to be fine." She whispered.  
I frowned, "What?"  
"My dad. He was going to be fine." She shook her head and looked up at the ceiling, "His cancer was going away. Dr Cullen was so positive everything would be fine." She scoffed, "Isn't it ironic?" She turned her attention back to me and leaned forward.  
"What?"  
"How the one thing that was supposed to kill him, didn't." She smirked and shook her head, "Fucking heart attack."  
She started laughing quietly at herself, "A fucking _heart attack_!"  
I nodded, "Yeah." I didn't know what to say. She had cracked. It was obvious. Her laughter abruptly stopped as she turned to stare tiredly at me, "Do you want forty thousand dollars?"  
I blinked in surprise. What the fuck? "Um…what?"  
"My dad's life insurance." She explained, "I don't know what to do with it. He's already paid for his funeral. So I have forty thousand dollars that I don't want."  
I cleared my throat, "I'm sure you can give it to charity or something if you don't want it."  
She smiled sweetly, "I thought I was by asking you."  
Wow.  
I held my hands up and stood, "I'm out, Bella." I couldn't continue to sit there being berated. I couldn't stand being pushed away like this.  
Bella whimpered and slumped down in the couch, making my heart hurt.  
I sighed and returned to her, putting my arm around her and pulling her close. I couldn't leave her.  
"I just don't know what to do." She whispered.  
I kissed the top of her head, "I know." I replied quietly, "I know."  
She nuzzled into my neck, "I can't do this."  
"You can." I whispered, "You're not alone, Swan. You have me."  
She pulled back and frowned up at me, "I do?"  
I nodded and gave her a small smile, "You do. For as long as you need me."  
She smiled sadly and leaned her head against my chest, "I suppose I can live with that."  
I chuckled quietly, "I'm glad."

We sat like that for hours, talking about nothing and everything. I was doing a good job of taking her mind off it. That was until I had to leave. She walked me to the door and forced a smile.  
It made me not want to go. She shut the door and locked it, leaving me standing outside on the porch.  
Tomorrow is another day. And I hoped it would be a good day.


	15. I Never Saw It Coming

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Sorry for the wait guys! Been busy with work! Hope this was worth the wait!**

 **Playlist for chapter 15:  
Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day** **Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) - Green Day**

* * *

 **BPOV**

Three hours. Just three hours can change your life. It can turn your whole world upside down. Time is infinite, it will go on forever. It flies in or it drags in. All we have is time to make things count.  
Three hours and my life was forever changed.

"Happy birthday, kid." My dad smiled at me and handed me a card, "I didn't manage to get you a present or anything."  
I took the card from him and shook my head, "I don't care." I answered, "There's nothing I need."  
My dad leaned back in his hospital bed and took a deep breath, "What time is your party?"  
"Seven thirty, I think." I sat down on the chair by his bed and chewed my lip, "It's at Alice's."  
He nodded, "Well, enjoy yourself, kid. You're only eighteen once."  
"Yeah." I smiled sadly and stared down at my lap, "I wish mom was here."  
My dad sighed and reached for my hand, "I know. But she's here. Maybe not in person, but she's here."  
I squeezed my dad's hand gently and nodded, "I know."  
He stared at our hands for a while before looking up at me and smiling widely, "You better go get ready for you party, kid."  
I laughed, "I am ready."  
He shook his head, "You're not wearing that, are you?"  
I looked down at my skinny jeans, band tee and scuffed converse, "What's wrong with it?"  
He wrinkled his nose, "I'm sure you can find something dressier to wear."  
I rolled my eyes and stood up, "I'll get right on that."  
"Don't get too drunk now."  
My eyes widened in mock horror, "Dad!" I gasped, "The legal drinking age here is twenty one."  
My dad smirked and raised a brow, "Yeah, so?"  
"You're a cop." I laughed, "You shouldn't be condoning this behaviour."  
He held his hands up and chuckled, "I'm off duty."  
I shook my head and kissed his cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Okay. I love you, Bells."  
I smiled in return, "I love you too, Dad."

I stared at my reflection in the mirror and smiled at myself. I'm eighteen. I'm fucking eighteen.  
I dragged a brush through my hair and looked down at my clothes. Maybe my dad was right. Should I change?  
 _It's a house party._  
Yeah. It's a house party, not a night out.  
I grabbed my phone and sent a quick text to Alice.  
 _"Be there soon."_  
I stole a glance at the clock. I had half an hour before I had to leave.  
I had a lot to celebrate tonight. My dad was getting better. He was going to be okay, which meant goodbye Phoenix, AZ and goodbye Edward fucking Cullen.  
My phone buzzed in my pocket.  
 _"Jasper will pick you up. x"_  
I smiled at Alice's text and shoved my phone back in my pocket. Tonight was going to be fucking amazing.  
While I was waiting for Jasper, I had one of the joints Jake had left. I wanted a head start.  
I leaned against the back door and stared outside.  
I would miss Alice, of course. It's weird how the one person you hated at first, could be the one person who actually made this state bearable. Life would be weird without her. But I'd have Mike and Jess back in no time.  
A knock on the front door signalled the arrival of Jasper.  
I locked up and followed Jasper to his car, "Happy birthday." He smiled.  
"Thanks." I responded, putting my seatbelt on.  
"Alice is so excited about this party." He chuckled.  
I grinned widely, "That's great."  
I don't know what it was about Jasper, but I felt uncomfortable around him. He didn't talk much, which was fine. But the silence was always awkward.  
"Are there a lot people there already?" I asked quietly.  
Jasper chuckled, "Alice has practically invited the whole school."  
I groaned inwardly, I thought it was just gonna be a few people.  
"Great." I forced a smile and ran a hand through my hair.  
Jasper pulled into Alice's driveway and got out. I closed the car door and followed Jasper into Alice's house.

The lounge was full of balloons and bowls of snacks.  
Alice squealed in delight when she saw me, "Happy birthday!" She pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tightly. She was freakishly strong for such a small person.  
"Thanks!" I pulled back and grinned at her.  
"There are more people to come, don't worry." She smiled and handed me a balloon, "For you."  
I took the balloon from her and smiled in thanks.  
A few senior guys, who I recognised from English tipped their cups toward me and nodded. Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me through to the kitchen, "We're all set with the drinks." She gestured toward the kitchen table which was full of bottles of Vodka, Bourbon and Beer.  
"Enjoy your party." She kissed my cheek and skipped off toward Jasper.  
I rubbed my hands on my jeans and grabbed a bottle of Bourbon from the table.  
Within half an hour, Alice's lounge was packed full of Freshmans, Sophomores and Seniors. Jasper wasn't kidding.  
Random people came up to me, hugging me and giving me their well wishes.  
I remained in the kitchen with my trusty bottle of Bourbon. The fact that Edward wasn't here hadn't escaped my notice.  
"Emmett isn't here yet." Rosalie sighed, leaning against the kitchen unit beside me.  
I nodded, "I know." I handed her my Bourbon.  
She took it from me and took a drink, wincing when the burn hit her throat, "Anyway, happy birthday."  
"Thanks." I took the Bourbon from her and watched as she danced her way back into the lounge.  
Suddenly, I wasn't enjoying myself. It was my party but I felt isolated. I was still "the new girl" deep down.  
I stared at a pizza box, chewing on my lip.  
Why wasn't Edward here? Was he coming with Emmett? Was he coming at all?  
 _Chill out and enjoy your party_.  
I couldn't. Not yet anyway.  
"You know, you're supposed to eat that, right?"  
My stomach somersaulted at the sound of his voice. He showed.  
"What?"  
"The pizza?" He pointed to the box and smiled, "You're supposed to eat it. Not glare at it."  
I rolled my eyes and reached for a bottle of Bourbon that was sitting nearby. I know how pizza works.  
"Bourbon girl." I heard him whisper.  
"Aren't you going to wish me a happy birthday?" I asked, sitting up on the kitchen unit. I felt giddy. He was here.  
"Happy birthday." He chuckled, filling up a cup with Diet Coke.  
I raised a brow, "You're not drinking?" This was a party, wasn't it?  
He shook his head, "Nah. Not in the mood." He answered, lifting the cup to his lips.  
I snorted and drank some of the bottle I was holding, "Boring."  
What happened to "bad boy Cullen"?  
Emmett grabbed me and crushed me to his chest, "Happy birthday, Swan girl!"  
I laughed and pushed him away so I could breathe, "Thanks."  
Emmett grinned widely, "I've brought Tequila."  
Tequila? I hated Tequila. I wasn't even at that drunk stage where I would drink anything yet.  
I scrunched my nose up, "I'm a-"  
"Bourbon girl." Edward finished, motioning toward the bottle in my hands.  
I raised a brow, but remained silent.  
"Shoulda known." He huffed, grabbing himself a cup, "Well, there's Bourbon too." He kissed the top of my head, "Enjoy your party."  
I swung my legs against the cabinet underneath me and annihilated the Bourbon.  
Edward raised a brow as he watched me.  
It was my party, and now that he was here, it could really begin.  
I jumped down off the unit, almost landing flat on my face.  
Edward's arms snaked around my waist, "You good?" He whispered, his lips close to my ear.  
I almost moaned at his breath tickling my skin. Almost.  
I pushed him away, trying to maintain a safe distance, "I'm good."  
He nodded and backed away and I felt bad. He was just trying to help.  
I grinned when I spotted the balloons, "Happy birthday to me." I giggled, making my way into the lounge.  
"Bellaaaaa!" A few senior guys from my Calculus class grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up, "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!"  
I threw my head back, laughing at their antics.  
 _Admit it, you're having fun._  
I was. I actually was. Now that I was slightly drunk.  
They sat me back down on the floor and one of them, I think his name was Seth, pulled my against him as he danced.  
From the corner of my eye, I could see Edward leaning against the kitchen door, eyes narrowed. Was someone jealous?  
I pressed myself against Seth and smirked when he placed his hands on either side of my hips.  
 _Eat it, Cullen_.  
I frowned, noticing that my bottle was finished. It was time to get another one. I grinned up at Seth and backed away. He gave me a thumbs up and danced his way back to his friends.  
I stumbled my way back to the kitchen, brushing by "Mr Broody" and gently placed the empty bottle on the table. Knowing my luck, if I wasn't careful, I'd end up smashing it. "Why so glum, Cullen?" I mumbled.  
I pursed my lip, scanning the kitchen for another bottle. I could've swore there was another bottle here.  
 _You probably drank it._  
I rolled my eyes at myself, I only had one bottle. I think.  
"No reason." Edward answered, calmly. He reached down and took a bottle from a bag at his feet, "Looking for this?" Edward smirked.  
My eyes widened. Finally. I took the bottle from him and unscrewed the cap, taking a long overdue drink.  
I tilted my head to the side and stared at him, "Is this my birthday present?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my voice. If it was, it was a welcome present, but not amazing.  
 _Yeah cause you want to unwrap something else entirely_.  
Edward chuckled and shook his head, "No."  
I nodded in approval, "Good."  
 _Good for you, you still got a chance_.  
I wanted to kick myself for thinking what I was thinking. We would never work. And anyway, I had Jake.  
 _Drug dealer? Scooooore_.  
I looked up to find Edward staring intently at me, "What?" I could feel my cheeks burn.  
"What, what?" He answered.  
"You're staring at me." I replied, swaying slightly. I was beginning to feel like I was on a boat or some shit.  
"…thinking." I could barely hear him over the music.  
I moved closer to him and looked up at him, "About what?" I asked. I was eager to know.  
He closed his eyes and too a deep breath and I wanted to lean closer and kiss him.  
 _Have some water, Swan._  
"About nothing." He answered finally, opening his eyes.  
My eyes searched his. He was lying. It was obvious. "Okay." I whispered.  
"Okay." He whispered back.  
My stomach churned as we stood, staring intently at each other.  
He looked…just too intense. He clenched and unclenched his jaw as his eyes scanned my face. He had a little bit of stubble on his cheeks, I wanted to reach out and touch it.  
 _What is wrong with you?  
_ I know. I know. I can't make up my mind.  
"Bella!" Alice screeched, running into the kitchen.  
Edward abruptly stepped back from me. I frowned, what the fuck? Was he embarrassed to be seen talking to me now?  
 _You know you weren't talking._  
"You need to dance with me!" Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen.  
I didn't want to dance, I wanted to stay in my bubble with Edward.

I sat on the couch next to Alice and popped a piece of gum into my mouth. My mouth was starting to feel dry.  
Rosalie and Emmett were practically dry humping each other on the chair next to me. I squirmed uncomfortably and scooted closer to Alice.  
"I know, it's disgusting." She shouted over the bass. I smiled and nodded.  
"Happy birthday, Swan!"  
My skin turned ice cold at the sound of her voice. Jane.  
I turned my head slowly and forced a smile.  
"No hard feelings, right?" She smiled sweetly at me and opened her arms out for a hug.  
Alice nudged me and nodded.  
I rolled my eyes and stood, slowly making my over to her.  
I hugged her tentatively. This was awkward as fuck.  
"I'm _soooo_ glad we can be friends now." She grinned as we broke away from each other.  
I raised my brows and nodded. Friends? With her? No chance.  
She gave Alice a small wave and skipped off outside.  
All I wanted to do now was wash her scent off my skin.  
I grimaced and leaned down to Alice, "I'll be back soon." I told her.  
She nodded and turned her attention to Jasper, who had just joined her on the couch.

I climbed the stairs, careful as to not stomp on anyone's fingers. There were people passed out everywhere. I held onto the wall as I stumbled my way to one of the bedrooms.  
Who invited her? Why was she here? The last time we spoke she told me to watch my back and now she wants to be friends? Did Edward speak to her? What did he see in her anyway?  
 _You're not his girlfriend. She is._  
Yes, thank you brain. I am aware of that. I flopped down on the bed and sighed, the room was starting to spin slowly. I closed my eyes.  
 _Edward. Edward. Edwaaaaaard_.  
I sat up and chewed on my lip, Edward is nothing. We were nothing. And that wasn't going to change.  
Someone knocked on the door then, "What?"  
The door opened and Edward stepped inside.  
I took a deep calming breath and watched as he quietly shut the door behind him.  
"Hey." He smirked.  
"What do you want?" My speech was slurred and I was beginning to see double.  
"I just walked in on Emmett and Rosalie." He chuckled.  
I covered my mouth with my hand, "No." I gasped. Was he serious? That's hilarious.  
"Yes." He nodded and sat down on one of the chairs by the window, "You enjoying your birthday?" He asked, watching me carefully.  
I made my way across the room and leaned against the wall and smiled lazily, "I'm high and drunk, of cour-course."  
 _Speak properly._  
"Get your weed from Jake?" He asked, raising a brow.  
Fuck. How did he know?  
 _Play dumb._  
Yes. Play dumb.  
"Who?"  
Edward rolled his eyes and stood up, "C'mon Bella. Don't lie to me." He muttered.  
"What's it to you anyway, Cullen?" I spat, straightening myself up off the wall, "I can do what I want." I crossed my arms over my chest and nodded to myself. This was none of his business.  
"You can. But with Jacob Black of all people? Come on, Bella."  
I narrowed her eyes . How dare he tell me what I should and shouldn't do. He had no authority over me. No right to dictate to me. "You don't, you don't get to tell me who I can or can't hang out with."  
 _Try and say that without slurring and with more conviction_.  
I scowled at myself.  
"I'm not. I'm telling you who you can and can't fuck." He spat.  
Oh no he fucking didn't.  
"Fuck you, Edward!" I growled, punching at his chest. Fuck him to hell and back.  
He grabbed my wrists and pushed me away from him, "Listen to me, Bella!" He hissed. I pulled my wrists free from his grasp and turned away from him. I couldn't look at his face. I may just fucking punch it. I sat myself down on the bed and sighed, "Why are you doing this?" I whispered, "It's none of your concern who I sleep with. It's none of your-of your concern what I do. I'm nothing to you."  
Today was my day. I should've been able to enjoy what was left of my birthday without his ego overshadowing everything.  
"I know I fucked this up, Bella." Edward whispered, leaning against the wall as he faced me, "I know I fucked it majorly."  
I sighed again and ran a hand through my hair. I couldn't deal with this. "I need another drink." I mumbled, standing up. I stood up too quickly, the blood rushing from my head, and I ended up back on my ass.  
 _Oh for fuck sake, Swan._  
Edward chuckled, watching me with amused eyes.  
Asshole.  
"This isn't funny." I growled, standing again.  
"I know." He whispered, "But-"  
"But what?" I hissed, moving over to him. I glared up at him, "But what?" I was just dying to know what else had hurt his humongous ego.  
"I just don't want you to get involved with Jake."  
I hid my face in my hands. This shit again. "It's none of your business." I mumbled.  
He gently tugged at my wrists and my hands dropped to my sides. I stared tiredly at him. I had just about had enough.  
"I'm sorry." He whispered .  
What. The. Fuck.  
"For everything I've done to you since you've got here. I didn't treat you the way I should have." He brushed a strand of my hair behind my ear and smiled, sending my heart into overdrive.  
My mouth went dry, my heart loud in my ears as I focused on his lips.  
 _You know you want to._  
I did. I really did. Maybe it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the fact I was soon to be leaving Phoenix, but I just wanted to taste his lips again.  
Fuck it.  
"I know you don't believe me-"  
I pressed my lips to his, effectively silencing him, and snaked my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his.  
He tasted like Jack Daniels and cigarettes. I ran my hands across his shoulders and down his chest. I wanted to feel his skin. I slowly began unbuttoning his shirt and dropped it to the floor, my hands trailing along the curves of his chest. He pushed me to the bed, lying over me.  
 _Well done, Swan._  
I focused on his kisses instead of my thoughts. He moved his lips to my neck, kissing my skin, sending shock waves through my body. I moaned quietly and squirmed under him. My hands found their way into his hair, pulling lightly as our lips met again. It felt good to kiss him again. It was nostalgic.  
My nails scraped along his chest as he slowly pulled my top off.  
 _One night stand, then? What will people think?_  
I tried to focus on him, but the better part of myself had a point. What about Jane? She would really kill me. And if Alice or Emmett were to find out.  
"Stop." I whispered, pushing him away.  
"What's wrong?" He answered, leaning back.  
I sat up and shook my head. I didn't want to talk to him. I grabbed my top and hurried to get it back on.  
"This was a mistake." I whispered as I stood, making my way to the door.  
This was a huge fucking mistake.

I leaned against the kitchen unit, biting my thumbnail.  
 _Idiot._  
Yes, I fucking know.  
Jane stood next to me, watching me carefully, "Are you okay? You look like you're about to be sick." She commented, "Too much to drink?"  
I narrowed my eyes at her. If she only knew.  
"Your phone is ringing, Swan." She muttered, swirling her drink around her cup.  
I turned for my phone and spotted Edward. Sighing, I grabbed my phone and frowned when I saw Dr. Cullen's number.  
"Why the fuck is my dad calling you?" Edward hissed from behind me.  
 _Oh fuck off, Cullen._  
"Hello?"  
"Miss Swan," Dr. Cullen's urgent voice sent anxiety through me, "I'm so sorry to disturb your night, but could you please get to the hospital as soon as possible. It's regarding your father…" His voice broke at the end, telling me all I needed to know.  
"What?" I whispered.  
"It's extremely urgent, Miss Swan. We need you to come to the hospital now if you-"  
My phone slipped through my fingers, bouncing off the floor. He wasn't better. Far from it.  
"What's wrong?" Edward asked quietly.  
I stared at the wall infront of me, trying to find the will to answer him, "My…my dad."  
He stood infront of me and placed a finger under my chin, lifting my head, "What about him?"  
What was he doing?  
 _You don't need him. Go to the hospital._  
"Fuck off, Cullen." I hissed, grabbing my jacket. He didn't need to know everything about my life. He didn't need to know about my father. It was none of his business. I stormed out of the party, pulling on my jacket as I walked.  
"Where are you going?" Edward shouted. I didn't answer. I wanted to get there quickly and wasting time with him was not an option.  
"Bella!" He shouted again. I could hear him running behind me. He didn't know when to quit. "Seriously, Bella, stop!" He grabbed my arm, and quickly turned me around.  
I narrowed my eyes, "I'm going to the hospital, okay?" Wasn't that self explanatory?  
"Let me drive you." He offered, patting his pockets for his keys.  
"I don't want anything from you."  
He tilted his head to the side and frowned, "Don't be like this." He begged quietly.  
"Leave me alone." I turned around and began walking toward the hospital. He never followed me, so he must've got the message.

I don't know how long I'd been walking for, but I was starting to get cold. Anxiety and fear bubbled inside of me.  
"Please let him be okay." I whispered to myself.  
I heard a car pull up beside me, "Get in the car, Bella." Edward sighed.  
I continued walking, ignoring him and his stupid shiny Volvo.  
"Bella, get in the fucking car!" He hissed, the car coming to an abrupt stop.  
I turned and growled, "No. I'd rather walk!"  
"Oh fuck this." He killed the engine and got out, marching over to me.  
I frowned, watching him, "What the fuck are you doing?" I hissed.  
He grabbed me by the waist and the next thing I knew I was over his shoulder as he carried me to the car.  
"Put me down." I punched at his back, kicking my legs around, hoping to kick him in jewels.  
 _Just give up, Swan._  
He placed me in the passenger seat, "Put on your seatbelt." He muttered quietly as he shut the door and stormed to the drivers side.  
I did what I was told and crossed my arms. "There was no need for that." I muttered, sticking out my tongue.  
"There was no need for a lot of things tonight." Edward chuckled as he drove.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked quietly.  
"I'm guessing you didn't mean to kiss me." He replied.  
I leaned my head against the window and chewed on my lip, deliberating my answer. I did mean to kiss him, I think. I don't know, I couldn't remember. "I didn't mean to do a lot of things tonight." I answered.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.  
"I'm guessing you didn't want to come tonight?" It was fairly obvious. He showed up late, didn't drink, stayed in the kitchen with me. He screamed uncomfortable.  
"Not really, no." He answered, smirking.  
 _Thanks for the truth, asshole._  
I nodded and stared out of the window, "That's cool."  
"So…why does my dad have your number?" He asked, parking outside the hospital.  
I sighed and took off my seatbelt. He just doesn't give up, does he? "He's my dad's doctor." I answered.

We took the elevator to my dad's floor since it was quicker than taking the stairs. I chewed on my lip nervously at it ascended.  
Breathe.  
If only it were that easy. I had no idea what was going on. I had no idea if he was okay.  
The alcohol began to wear off, leaving me with the beginnings of a pounding headache.  
I made my way to the nurses station, "Where's Dr Cullen?" I asked politely.  
The nurse was about to reply when Dr. Cullen cleared his throat behind us.  
"Miss Swan?" Edward and I both turned to face him.  
He stared at Edward curiously, "Edward?"  
Edward placed his hand on the small of my back and stared at his father. His touch calmed me somewhat.  
Dr. Cullen shook his head, "Go home, Edward."  
"But I-"  
"Now!" He snapped. I almost cowered from him. I had never seen him like that.  
Edward glanced at me, silently asking me if it was okay. I gave him a small smile and nodded, telling him it was okay.  
"Thanks for the ride." I whispered to him.  
He smiled and began backing away toward the elevator, "Anytime."  
I turned my attention back to Dr. Cullen. He gave me a small smile before taking a deep breath, "Perhaps we should take this into my office, and discuss things privately."  
I shook my head, "No." I answered, "I want to know right now. Right here."  
Dr. Cullen furrowed his brows, "Very well." He took a step closer to me and lowered his voice, "Your father, unfortunately suffered from a massive heart attack, just before I called you. I'm very sorry to tell you, Miss Swan, your father-"  
"No." I whispered. I tried to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat.  
No fucking way. He _couldn't_ be gone. The tears fell from my eyes and my legs buckled, sending me to the floor. No.  
"Your father passed away. We did all we could. I'm very sorry for your loss."  
The only thing I could hear was the noise of my strangled sobs.

Dr. Cullen helped me to stand and escorted me to his office, "I'll leave you for a few minutes." He patted my hand softly and gave me a sympathetic smile.  
My fingers began to tear at the tissue in my lap.  
Three hours. I saw him three hours ago. Three hours, that was all it took. Three hours and my life was changed forever.  
I should've appreciated the little things. I should've visited more often. I should've made more of an effort.  
 _This wasn't your fault_.  
If I would've stayed with him tonight instead of going to that fucking party, he could still be here.  
I stared at Dr. Cullen's desk and took a deep breath. I couldn't do this alone. I just couldn't. I had to relive this grief again. I had to somehow survive losing another parent. I just didn't think I had the strength in me.  
I folded my legs underneath me and curled up into a ball, hugging myself tightly as I sobbed quietly.  
"I love you, dad." I whispered.  
The door swung open, revealing Edward.  
"Bella." He whispered, rushing to my side. He knelt infront of me.  
"What…what are you doing here?" I sniffed. I didn't want him to see me like this.  
 _Accept it._  
"Edward." Dr. Cullen's tone was clipped and full of warning, "Leave Miss Swan alone."  
I didn't have the energy to interject. I didn't have the energy to do anything.  
"No." He growled in return. Edward turned his attention back to me and wiped a tear from my cheek. That was all it took.  
"He's…" I took a deep breath through my sobs, "He's gone."  
He scooped me up in his arms and sat down, placing me gently on his lap, "It's okay." He whispered.  
Dr. Cullen sighed deeply and shook his head before leaving the two of us alone.  
"How did this happen?" I cried quietly, hiding my face in his chest.  
Edward rubbed my back gently, rubbing soothing circles. I felt oddly comforted by him.  
"He was fine. He was going to be fine." I choked through my tears.  
"Shhh." Edward hugged me closer and kissed the top of my head, "It's okay."  
He began rocking me slowly like a baby, and he continued rubbing my back. I closed my eyes, breathing in his comforting scent. I just wanted to sleep. I gripped his shirt tightly and buried myself in deeper against him, resting my head against the front of his shoulder.  
 _Sleep_.

I'll sleep and pray that tomorrow tells me this was all just one big nightmare.  
I'll sleep and pray that tomorrow my dad will be here and assure me it was a mistake.  
I'll sleep and pray that tomorrow doesn't come.


	16. Broken

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Chapter Playlist:  
Broken - Seether ft Amy Lee / ****Never Too Late - Three Days Grace**

* * *

 **BPOV**

 _Step One: Denial_.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and a mouth so dry it almost choked me.  
I sat up slowly and rubbed my eyes. I was in my own bed. How? I couldn't remember leaving the hospital last night. Did Edward bring me home?  
I tentatively left the comfort of my bed and made my way to the bathroom. My eyes were red and puffy, my hair sticking up, I looked dreadful. I dragged a brush through my unruly hair and made my way downstairs.  
I had no appetite. I searched the cupboards for painkillers and almost cracked a smile when I found some Aspirin.  
The house was quiet. Too quiet now that my father was no longer here.  
It was never this quiet when he was just in hospital. This is different.  
I chewed on my lip, holding back more tears. I wanted to cry. I wanted to kick and scream. This wasn't fair. It was never supposed to end this way. He was meant to get better. He was meant to come home, cured and full of life. I shook my head, there was no point dwelling on what should have beens. This happened and now I had to organise and attend to a hundred different things.  
 _It's Sunday, Swan_.  
It's Sunday. So, I couldn't do anything today. Thanks for the reminder.  
I leaned against the kitchen unit and stared into the empty lounge.  
What was I to do now?  
I grabbed the blanket from table and wrapped it around myself. I curled up in a ball on the couch and closed my eyes, thinking back to when I had a family.

 _"Bella, grab that blanket please." My mom smiled warmly at me as she prepared the picnic basket._  
 _I nodded and skipped over, bundling the blanket under my arm, "When are we going?" I asked impatiently._  
 _My mother laughed and the sound of it made me grin from ear to ear. She tucked my hair behind my ear, "Soon." She promised. My mom made the best chocolate brownies ever, and she gave the best hugs. I looked like her, I just didn't have her hair colour. She always told me that she was my mom first and a friend second, but I didn't believe that. She was my best friend no matter what._  
 _"Soon." I nodded and placed the blanket next to the basket. I had been looking forward to this day for ages. We were going to Colman Park for a picnic._  
 _"Renée?" My dad bounded down the stairs and scratched the top of his head._  
 _"Mhmm?" My mom placed a spoon in the sink and turn to smile at my dad._  
 _"You haven't seen my wallet anywhere?"_  
 _My mom rolled her eyes, "Charlie, it's where you always leave it."_  
 _I giggled quietly and rushed to get my father's wallet, "Here you go, dad."_  
 _He chuckled and ruffled my hair, "Thanks, kid."_  
 _My mom kissed my dad's cheek and smiled fondly at him, "Are you ready?"_  
 _My dad nodded, "Ready. Are you ready, kid?" He asked, raising an eyebrow._  
 _I nodded excitedly, "Ready!"_  
 _We all got into the car, music turned up, and drove to Colman Park. It was a warm, sunny day in Mount Baker, Seattle, and it was going to be the best day ever._

 _We lay the blanket down on the grass and sat on top of it, unpacking the basket. My mom handed me a plastic cup and smiled warmly, "You can have one glass of cola."_  
 _I frowned, "Just one?"_  
 _My dad nodded, "We don't the tooth fairy giving us a row, kid."_  
 _I resisted rolling my eyes. I was eight. I didn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore._  
 _My mom laughed and sat plates and cutlery onto the blanket, "Too much sugar isn't good, Bella."_  
 _"I know." I scowled. I stared out at the water infront of us and beamed, "Can we go swimming?"_  
 _"We didn't bring our bathing suits." My dad answered, tucking in to his sandwich._  
 _"Maybe another day, sweetheart." My mom smiled and handed my a plate of salad._  
 _"Okay."_  
 _Another day._

I wished I could cry. But there were no more tears to shed. I sat up and stared blankly at the wall in front of me.  
"Take care of him, mom." I mumbled. He was with her now. You would think that would bring me some comfort, but it didn't. It just made me more angry and confused.  
I thought back to Dr. Cullen's words from yesterday.  
 _"He suffered a massive heart attack."_  
I scoffed to myself. A fucking heart attack.  
Was it just to good to be true? That he was going to be cancer free? Was it that good to be true that God, or who ever the fuck decides it's your time, decided to take him from me anyway?  
Someone knocked on the front door then, and I groaned to myself. There was no way I was answering that. I heard whoever it was try the door handle, and I immediately knew who it was. Fucking Cullen.  
"Bella!" He shouted, knocking on the door again.  
"Fuck off." I mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around me. I didn't want to see or speak to anyone. Including him.  
"Make him go away. Make him go away." I whispered.  
I heard a knock from the kitchen, and I turned, narrowing my eyes when I saw Edward. He was always trying to push his luck.  
"Go away." I growled, standing from the couch.  
"I just want to make sure you're okay." He responded through the glass.  
If I'm okay? Seriously?  
"I don't want your sympathy, Edward."  
"You accepted it yesterday!" He hissed back.  
What an asshole. I gave him the finger and stormed up to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me. I wasn't fucking okay. Wasn't that obvious?

 _Step Two: Anger_

"Now Miss Swan, your father took great care when organising his personal affairs." Mr. Clearwater sifted through paper and wrote a few things down before looking up at me. He was my father's lawyer. Evidently, when we moved to Phoenix he was my father's first port of call incase anything happened. I had been sitting with him for almost half an hour, talking through my father's finances.  
I leaned back in my seat and sighed, "Okay?"  
"His funeral expenses have been covered by himself and by his life insurance."  
I snorted inwardly, thanks dad. Guess that was one less thing I had to worry about.  
"It's very basic. He wished to be cremated, so all you have to do is discuss with a funeral director about which date you prefer."  
My eyebrows knitted together, "All I have to do? _All I have to do_?" I shook my head, "I'm sorry if I'm being a bit unreasonable here, but that is _not_ all I have to do." I have to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do, stay here or go back to Forks, clear out my father's things, notify Forks Police Department and a multitude of other things. This guy had no fucking clue.  
Mr. Clearwater cleared his throat, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest-"  
"It's fine." I snapped, "What else is there?"  
"Just the payment of your father's life insurance." He replied, sliding a piece of paper over to me.  
I glanced at it and almost choked, "Forty thousand dollars?" Was this guy for real?  
Mr. Clearwater nodded, "Your father had been paying into his insurance for a good few years. I just need your signature."  
I lifted the pen from the table and took a deep breath. What the fuck was I going to do with all that money?  
 _College? Get a car? Come on, Swan_.  
I signed across the line and slid the paper back to him, "Are we done here?"  
He placed the paper into his briefcase and nodded, "Yes."  
"Great." I stood and forced a smile, "I'll show you out."  
I opened the front door and stared at the floor as he made his way to me, "I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Swan."  
I nodded, "Everyone is." I replied wryly.

I made my way up to my father's bedroom and stood in the doorway, staring inside.  
I had to get this done. There was no point in putting it off. It would just hurt more the longer I waited. The house felt colder and smaller somehow without him. I wrapped my arms around myself and tentatively walked into his room.  
I drew in a deep breath, "Okay." I whispered to myself, "Okay."  
I opened his wardrobe and began removing his clothing, piling it all onto his bed. It could go to the nearest charity shop or something.  
 _Take your time_.  
I stopped short, spotting my father's favourite shirt. I couldn't help but smile. It was his favourite but I hated it. It was the most ugliest shade of purple. The last time he wore it was when we arrived here in Phoenix. He told me it made him look younger. I snorted to myself and hung it back in the wardrobe along with his Forks PD sweatshirt.  
I lifted his paperwork from the nightstand and began sorting through it. Most of it was medical appointments and utility bills. I sat on the floor, leaning back against the bed.  
 _You should have waited_.  
No. This needed to be done. This needed to be done now. I stood up, collecting the paperwork and made my way downstairs, stuffing them into a drawer for safe keeping, before raiding the kitchen for Bourbon.  
Seriously?  
Yes, fucking seriously. I think I was entitled to have a drink.  
I grabbed a bottle from the cupboard and quickly unscrewed the cap before taking a long, welcome gulp. I needed something to numb me. And this would help me.  
"Dad…" I whispered as I sat down on the couch with my Bourbon, "If you can hear me, I want you to know that you _really_ fucked up." I took a drink and sighed, "I told you to stop…I told you to stop smoking." I shook my head and stared up at the ceiling, "I told you to take care of yourself." Tears began to fill my eyes and my throat constricted, "You fucked up. But it's okay." I wiped my cheek and smiled to myself, "I'm sure mom is giving you enough grief as it is. She's probably pointing her finger in your face and giving you the biggest lecture ever." I laughed quietly through my tears, "I fucking _miss_ you, dad."  
I pulled the blanket from the couch over me and stared at my almost empty bottle, "Please come back." I whispered, "Please." I wiped away my tears angrily, "Fucking come back." I sobbed, "I can't do this. I'm not strong enough to do this. This isn't fair!"  
I rested my head on the arm rest and closed my eyes, trying to calm my breathing.  
 _You can do this._  
How? How could I? There's no one here to help me. No one.

I woke up on the couch Tuesday morning. I figured I must've passed out. Slowly, I sat up, that same feeling of grief and anger flooding over me again. Today was the day I had to seriously decide on some things.  
I couldn't remember making my way to my bedroom, but I stood staring at the clothes in my wardrobe.  
 _Just pick something._  
Just pick something, sure. How hard could it be?  
Evidently, extremely hard. I couldn't muster the energy to walk two steps to pick up a pair of jeans. I pull my sweats off and sighed deeply as I dragged my jeans on. They felt heavy. I made my way to my father's room and pulled his Forks PD sweater over my head. I looked like shit, I felt like shit. I portrayed an excellent depiction of my life.

"Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Swan." Ms. Gray sat across from me, twirling a pen between her fingers, "Your father has already covered the expenses, so that's one less thing to be worrying about."  
I raised a brow. What was with these people? "Yeah." I muttered, staring at the table.  
"Have you thought of a date?" She asked, smiling kindly at me.  
I shrugged, "Does it really matter?" What difference would it make if it was the 28th or the 30th? The outcome would still be the same.  
Ms. Gray pursed her lip, "Not really, no."  
I nodded and pulled the sleeves of my father's sweatshirt down past my wrists, "Exactly. So, what dates do you have available?"  
She glanced through the papers in front of her, "There is the twenty second of September…the twenty third and then the twenty fifth."  
"Next week? Nothing sooner?"  
She shook her head, "I'm sorry, that's the closest dates we have."  
 _Just pick a date_.  
I rolled my eyes, "Fine. Whatever. The twenty second will just have to do."  
Ms. Gray frowned, "Miss Swan, if I may be so bold…but you are setting a date for your father's cremation. Wouldn't you like some more time to think about it?"  
I narrowed my eyes at her, "You may _not_ be so bold." I stood up and pushed my chair back under the table angrily, "The twenty second will do just fine. Thank you for your time."  
I marched out of the funeral parlour and sat down on the steps outside. That was one thing off the list.  
 _Seriously, Swan?  
_ Seriously. I had to keep busy and not dwell on it. I had to be emotionless. It was the only way I could do this.

I stared at the mess in the kitchen and chewed on my bottom lip. I couldn't be bothered cleaning it up. I couldn't be bothered doing much of anything.  
Taking a shower would probably be a better option anyway. And that's what I did.  
I stood under the hot water, lifting my face to meet it. It was welcome, comforting and safe.  
I gritted my teeth, trying hard not to think about anything other than the water beating on my skin. I grabbed the washcloth and scrubbed my skin.  
 _Take it easy, Swan_.  
I scrubbed until my skin was raw. I had to get this pain off me. I had to wash away these feelings, I had to learn how to breathe again.  
My skin stung as I stood under the water, telling me to stop. I dropped the wash cloth and leaned my head against the tiles, closing my eyes.  
Once I was dried and back in my sweats, I made my way downstairs, ignoring the growing pile of empty Bourbon bottles. I'll get to them later.  
I jumped when someone knocked loudly on the front door.  
 _Take three guesses_.  
"Bella!" Edward shouted, "Let me in."  
I rolled my eyes. Why couldn't he just get the hint?  
"Damn it, Swan! Let me in!"  
I deliberated for a moment, before deciding to just let him in, that way he could fuck off. I unlocked the door and made my way to the couch, Edward following behind.  
"Jesus Christ." He whispered. I knew what he was talking about. Didn't anyone tell him it was rude to pass comment on someone else's home?  
"Get a good look?" I muttered sourly.  
"Talk to me." He took a seat across from me, watching me intently.  
I sighed, "I have nothing to say."  
"Come on, Bella. Don't push me away." He leaned forward, searching my eyes.  
"I don't understand why you're here." I whispered, "I don't understand why you can't leave me to my own devices. I want to be left alone."  
"But Bella-"  
"My dad is dead, Edward." I hissed through my tears, "Fucking _dead_ , okay? And nothing you can say or do is going to change that." Didn't he understand that? No amount of sympathy or 'talking' was ever going to bring him back.  
"I know, I just-"  
"You were just thinking about yourself." I wiped my eyes and smirked, "As usual. You never think of anyone but yourself."  
 _Chill out_.  
I couldn't. He didn't come here to make sure I was okay. He came here to calm his own ego, to gather information no doubt.  
"I came here to see you. I came here to make sure you're okay, I've been going crazy, wondering how you are."  
I chewed the inside of my mouth and nodded, " _You_ were going crazy. That just proves my point."  
"I didn't come here to argue, Bella." He muttered.  
"Well, I don't know what else to say to you." I grabbed the cushion next to me and hugged it to my chest. I leaned my cheek against the fabric and stared at the wall again.  
"Do you…do you have anyone helping you to, you know, organise things?" He asked carefully.  
What kind of question was that?  
I narrowed my eyes, "No. My mother is dead and my dad had no brothers and sisters."  
"Oh." He looked sheepish, "I'm sorry."  
I leaned back against the couch, sighing deeply. What was this? A therapy session?  
 _Talk to him_.  
I chewed my lip, why should I? No amount of talking was ever going to make me feel better. Edward wasn't my shrink.  
 _Fucking talk to him_.  
"He was going to be fine." I finally whispered.  
"What?"  
"My dad. He was going to be fine." I shook my head and looked up at the ceiling, "His cancer was going away. Dr Cullen was so positive everything would be fine." I couldn't help but scoff, "Isn't it ironic?" I turned my attention back to Edward and leaned forward.  
"What?"  
"How the one thing that was supposed to kill him, didn't." I smirked and shook my head, "Fucking heart attack."  
I couldn't help but started laugh. It was just too ironic. Who would've thought? "A fucking _heart attack_!"  
Edward nodded, "Yeah."  
I quickly stopped laughing and turned to stare at Edward, "Do you want forty thousand dollars?" I blurted out. May as well go to the needy.  
 _Chill out_.  
That's what he was. Needy. He needed to make sure I was okay. He needed to pretend to care.  
"Um…what?"  
"My dad's life insurance." I explained, "I don't know what to do with it. He's already paid for his funeral. So I have forty thousand dollars that I don't want."  
Edward cleared his throat throat, "I'm sure you can give it to charity or something if you don't want it."  
I smiled sweetly, "I thought I was by asking you."  
 _Wow_.  
He abruptly stood up, holding his hands up, "I'm out, Bella."  
I whimpered quietly. That's all everyone seemed to be doing lately. Leaving.  
Edward stopped and sighed before returning to me. He put his arm around me and pulled me close. He was so warm. So comforting.  
"I just don't know what to do." I admitted quietly.  
He kissed the top of my head, "I know." He replied quietly, "I know."  
I buried myself into his neck, "I can't do this."  
"You can." Edward whispered, "You're not alone, Swan. You have me."  
I frowned and pulled away from him, "I do?" Even after the way I acted?  
Edward nodded and smiled, "You do. For as long as you need me."  
I smiled sadly and leaned my head against his chest, "I suppose I can live with that."  
"I'm glad." Edward chuckled.  
I closed my eyes, "How has school been?"  
"Boring." He answered, playing with my hair, "Really boring."  
I smiled, "It always is."  
"Emmett seems to think he is still suffering from a hangover."  
"From the party?"  
"Yeah. He's such a big pansy." Edward chuckled quietly.  
"Just like his brother." I whispered.  
"I heard that, Swan." He mumbled, amused.  
I pulled away from him and gave him a small smile, "I think you were meant to."  
Edward's eyes widened, feigning shock, "I'm hurt."  
I rolled my eyes, " _Please_."  
He pulled me back against his chest and continued playing with my hair. We stayed like that for ages.  
When it was time for him to go, I felt my chest tightening. I'd be alone again. I walked him to the front door and took a deep breath.  
I forced a smile and shut the door, quickly locking it.  
The silence in this house was deafening.

 _Step Three: Bargaining_

I opened the back door and placed the empty bottles of Bourbon into the glass recycling bin before washing the dishes that I allowed to pile up.  
Yesterday, I had managed to allow Edward to take my mind off things. Yesterday, I actually smiled. That was of course, until he had to leave.  
I rifled through my father's paperwork I found the other day, stopping short when I spotted an envelope with my name on it.  
I frowned, tearing it open. It was a letter.  
 _Breathe.  
_ I took a steady breath and unfolded it.

 _"Bella…"_ It read,

 _"I want you to know that no matter what happens, you'll get through it. You're my kid, so of course you'll get through it._  
 _If you've found this and are now reading it, then you know what's happened._  
 _I'm no longer here to annoy you, or pester you. I'll be enjoying a glass of wine with your mother, incase you're wondering. I know she would be proud of you, much like me._  
 _Just please know that you couldn't have prevented this. You have helped me in so many ways, kid._  
 _Don't dwell on things too much, please. Make something of yourself. Go to college, get married, have kids of your own and tell them about their awesome Grandpa Charlie. I'll be there in spirit through it all._  
 _I love you, kid._

 _Dad."_

I bit down hard on my lip, willing away the tears. "I love you too, dad." I whispered, folding the letter neatly. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. His words were true, yet bothering.  
I could have prevented this. I know I could have.  
 _There was nothing anyone could do_.  
Bullshit.  
If I had been accepting of the move to Phoenix, would that have been better? If I had been more attentive, would none of this happened? If I had stayed at the hospital on my birthday, he could still be here.  
 _Stop with the 'what ifs'._

I felt like I was being punished. And it was a cruel cruel punishment.  
"What can I do to make you come back?" I whispered, staring at the ceiling, "What the fuck can I do?"


	17. Ain't No Secrets Anymore

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **Chapter Playlist:  
Saint Cecilia - Foo Fighters / 21 Guns - Green Day / Famous Last Words - My Chemical Romance **

**Thanks for all the reviews! Especially the ones about Charlie's letter in the previous chapter.**

 **Happy reading!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

I leaned against my locker, waiting. Just like I did Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Waiting for her to show.  
Last night she finally spoke to me. She finally opened up.  
"Come on, Swan." I whispered. I thought today would be different. I thought today she would appear. The final warning bell rang. Everyone should be in class now. I stared at the student entrance and clenched my jaw, "Come on."  
 _Get to class_.  
I know I should. But what if she walked through those doors? I tossed my bag over my shoulder.  
 _She won't show_.  
She will. I knew it. The door swung open and I straightened up, expecting to see Bella. I growled under my breath when I realised it was just some Freshman running late. He ran by me and up the stairs to his class. The halls were empty now except from me.  
"Damn it." I hissed, almost punching my locker. Damn it. I really thought after seeing her yesterday she would have had the strength to come into school today.  
I turned my back on the entrance and made my way to class, wondering how she was and what she was doing.  
"Have you heard from Bella?" Jasper asked as he sat down next to me. He opened his bag and sat his notepad and pen down infront of him.  
I shook my head, "No." I lied.  
Jasper gave me a weird look and nodded, "Alright."  
"What?"  
"Nothing. You're just a shit liar." He chuckled.  
I sighed deeply, "Fine. I saw her last night."  
"And?"  
"And nothing." I responded, rubbing my temples, "We just talked."  
"About her dad?"  
I frowned, did I tell him?  
"Emmett told me." He muttered.  
I rolled my eyes, "Damn it, Emmett."  
Jasper sighed, "Dude, why didn't you say something?"  
"It's not my news to tell." I answered quietly, "It's Bella's." I was seriously going to kill Emmett.  
 _Jasper won't say anything_.  
I knew that was true. Jasper was a trust worthy guy, more so than Emmett evidently.  
"How is she?" He asked.  
I shrugged and focused my eyes on the posters on the wall, "Devastated."  
"Alice should know. She would want to make sure Bella is okay."  
"Yeah." I answered, it was true. "You're right."  
Jasper patted my arm, and turned back to his notepad. They needed to know. Bella needed people. They wanted to be there for her.  
 _How do you think Bella will feel now?_  
I sighed to myself. No doubt, she'd be pretty fucking pissed at me. But she needed her friends, whether she knew it or not.

"Edward, can you drop me at Bella's after school?" Alice asked as I sat at the lunch table.  
I shrugged, "Sure."  
"It's so sad about her dad." Alice sighed, "I wish she would have told me. Jasper told me this morning. Have you seen her? How is she?"  
I really wasn't in the mood to discuss anything about Bella with her. I wasn't in the mood because it was draining me just as much as it was Bella.  
"She's…okay." I mumbled, picking at my food.  
Emmett took a seat next to me, grinning from ear to ear, "Hey! What we talking about?"  
"Bella." Alice answered.  
Emmett's smile vanished, "Oh."  
"Yeah." I narrowed my eyes at my brother, "Can't keep a secret, can you?"  
"It was hardly a secret, Edward." Emmett responded, opening his bottle of water, "We are all her friends. Shouldn't we be there for her?"  
"Yeah. But I told you not to say anything but you-"  
"Does it really fucking matter?" Alice hissed. I stared at her, dumbfounded. Alice never cussed. She never raised her voice.  
"I'm sorry." She muttered, "I just don't see the reason for bickering about this." Alice shook her head, "We should focus on what we can do for Bella, not sit glaring at each other and passing blame."  
Emmett shifted uncomfortably, "Sorry, Al."  
I crossed my arms on the table. She was right. "I'll meet you at my car." I told her quietly.  
"Okay."

I parked outside Bella's house and looked over at Alice. She was staring at the front door, chewing her lip.  
"Are you coming in with me?" Alice asked, taking off her seatbelt.  
I shook my head, "No. I've got some stuff to take care of."  
"What kind of stuff?" She asked.  
"Just stuff, Alice." I sighed, "Just tell her I'll see her later, okay?" I didn't want to bombard her. I doubt she would be too happy to see Alice, let alone the both of us.  
"Okay. I'll see you Monday. Remember there's a teacher's conference tomorrow so, no school."  
I nodded, "Yup."  
Alice got out of the car and made her way to Bella's front door. I didn't stick around to see her answer. I put my foot down and drove my ass home.  
I pulled into the driveway and made my way to the front door.  
"Oh hi, honey." My mom smiled sweetly at me when I walked into the lounge.  
"Hi." I mumbled, leaning against the door frame, "Where's dad?"  
"He had a dinner meeting with some of his colleagues." My mom answered, standing from the couch, "He won't be back until late and Emmett is at Rosalie's for dinner. So, it's just you and me." She stroked my cheek affectionately before going into the kitchen. I followed her, "Actually…" I scratched the back of my head awkwardly, "I'm not staying long…"  
 _Seriously, Cullen?  
_ Seriously. I didn't want to spend any time here. So if it meant lying to her about plans I didn't have, then that's what I was going to do.  
"What? Why?" My mom sighed. She looked upset, lonely. I inwardly groaned. Why did I have a conscience? Her face immediately made me change my mind. I took pity on her and I fucking hated it. "Nah, never mind." I smiled, "I can sort it tomorrow."  
My mom frowned, "Edward, if you have something to do, just go and do it. You don't have to stay here just because I'll be here alone."  
I shook my head, "No. I don't have school tomorrow so I'll have the full day to get stuff done."  
She brightened up then, a huge smile on her face, "Okay. Well, what would you like for dinner?"  
I loved my mom, don't get me wrong. But I hated this house. I hated living here. I hated the tension and how I felt like I didn't belong. I hated being part of this family.  
 _At least you have one_.  
I scoffed to myself, I wouldn't even call what I have a family.  
"Do you just want to order pizza, Edward?" My mom asked, pouring herself a glass of wine.  
"Sure."  
Another pizza.

I called Alice after I ate my pizza with my mom, in silence might I add.  
"Hey." She answered on the third ring.  
"How was she?" I asked quietly.  
I heard her sigh down the phone, "Terrible. She found a letter from her dad today and she's pretty cut up about it."  
I closed my eyes and silently cursed myself. I should've went with Alice.  
"What did the letter say?" I quizzed. I know, I sounded invasive.  
"She didn't say much about it, Edward," Alice replied, "But there's Bourbon bottles all over the kitchen."  
"How many?" Had she added to the pile?  
"Like three or four, Edward. I don't know. I didn't exactly count them."  
I rolled my eyes and began pacing my bedroom, "How long did you stay?"  
"What is this? Twenty questions? Why don't you go see her for yourself? She's _terrible_. Seriously, she's drunk, I'm  
pretty sure she's high too. She said something about some Jake guy stopping by earlier today. But it's not weed…"  
I clenched my teeth, my skin began to crawl. Jake? Fuck that guy.  
"Okay. What was it?" I tried my best to keep my voice calm. I was going to kill that guy.  
"I don't know, Edward." Alice sighed, "I just know it wasn't weed."  
"That makes no sense, Alice!" I hissed. I was starting to lose patience with her.  
"I know it wasn't weed because she was popping pills, you dumbfuck!" She growled.  
I took a deep breath, trying to keep my anger at bay, "Okay." I muttered.  
"Listen, I gotta go. Jasper is picking me up, but just go see her, okay?"  
"Okay."  
"Bye." She ended the call then.  
I pocketed my phone and grabbed my car keys before storming down the stairs.  
"You okay, sweetheart?" My mom called from the lounge.  
I didn't answer, I slammed the front door and got into my car.  
Fucking Jacob Black.

I slammed my car door shut and knocked angrily on Bella's front door.  
 _Like she's gonna answer the door_.  
I sighed deeply, stuffing my hands in my pockets.  
The door opened and Bella stood, eyes wide and puffy, "Hi." She croaked, grinning widely. Her cheeks were flushed, her hair a mess. She was fucking euphoric.  
I narrowed my eyes, "Hi." I was tense. It was plain to see. "What did he give you?" I clenched my jaw and watched as she frowned, "What?"  
I couldn't contain my anger anymore. I couldn't sit back and allow her to deal with her grief with him.  
"For fuck sake, Bella." I pushed open the door and marched inside, "What the fuck did he give you?" I rifled through the kitchen cabinets and drawers, searching for the source of her high.  
She stood, watching me, "What the fuck are you doing?" She hissed.  
I turned and glared at her, "Bella," I growled, "I told you to stay away from him."  
Bella rolled her eyes, "How many times do I have to tell you? I can do whatever the _fuck_ I want to."  
I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes.  
 _Never hit a girl. Never hit a girl_.  
"Bella, you have until the count of three to tell me what he gave you."  
"Or what?" She challenged, "I'm a big girl, Edward. I can take care of myself."  
"Clearly you can't!" I shouted, "Look at you! You're high as a fucking kite!"  
Bella took a step back from me, her eyes wide in fear.  
 _Good going. You fucking scared her_.  
I dragged my hand down my face and exhaled loudly. I had to calm down. I locked eyes with her, "One." I leaned back against the kitchen unit and crossed my arms, "Two."  
Bella narrowed her eyes at me, defiant, testing me.  
"Three." I raised a brow and straightened up, "Fine. If you're not going to tell me, I'll just have to find it."  
I marched through to the lounge, lifting cushions and searching down the sides of the couch.  
"Edward! Stop it!" She grabbed my arm, trying to pull me back. I shook her off, "Not until you tell me."  
"Just some weed." She mumbled, crossing her arms and shrugging.  
 _Fucking liar_.  
I scoffed and started going through the drawers in the coffee table, "Bullshit." I spat.  
Bella sighed and threw herself into the couch, "Whatever."  
I gripped my hair in frustration, "Damn it, Swan."  
 _Take a breath_.  
I continued rifling through the drawers, through paperwork and trinkets.  
"Edward, can you just stop?" She mumbled.  
I shook my head, "Nope." Smoking weed was one thing, but popping pills?  
 _You're one to talk_.  
Once. I did it once. And I wasn't about to allow Bella to self destruct like this.  
I came across a little red and black box in the drawer. I slowly opened it up, my suspicions getting the better of me. "You need to find a new hiding place, Bella." I mumbled, lifting the small bag out. There were four small white pills inside. Before I had a chance to examine them for any hint as to what they were, Bella stood up and snatched them from me, "Stop it."  
"What are they?"  
She didn't answer, she stuffed the bag in her back pocket and crossed her arms, staring tiredly at me.  
I was fighting a losing battle, it seemed.  
"Fucking fine." I fished out my car keys from my pocket and began walking to the front door.  
"It's Oxy." She muttered, "He gave me Oxy."  
I slowly turned to face her, "Oxy?"  
She nodded meekly, "I thought it would be able to help me sleep." She sighed, "But, it's making me climb the walls." She smiled sadly and shrugged.  
I made my way over to her and pulled her against my chest, burying my face in her hair. How fucking stupid could she be? "I need you to give me them." I whispered, "There are other ways to get through this."  
She pulled back and shook her head, "I need _you_ to let me deal with this in my own way."  
My brows furrowed, "But Bella-"  
"No." She whispered, "Let me deal with this my own way. I promise, you'll be the first to know if I'm not coping."  
I snorted inwardly. She clearly wasn't coping now, otherwise she wouldn't be popping Oxy. I reluctantly nodded, "Okay."  
Bella smiled, "Okay."  
I scratched the back of my head and exhaled, "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow at some point. Call me if you need anything." I gave her a pointed look. I didn't want to leave her, but she clearly needed time to sort her head out. And I understood.  
She nodded and opened the front door for me, "Bye." She mumbled, staring down at the floor. All I wanted to do was kiss her and hold her close, protect her. But I didn't. Because we weren't there. I didn't even know where the fuck we stood with each other anymore.  
 _She has enough to deal with_.  
Yeah, that too. She had to grieve over her father.  
I made my way to my car, my anger still evident.  
I started the engine and pulled away from Bella's house, my fists clenched tightly around the steering wheel.  
Jacob Black.  
Jacob fucking Black. I was going to kill that motherfucker.

I sat in my car, quietly seething as I drove the streets, searching for that prick.  
 _Calm down_.  
I knew I should. I should calm down, take a breath and get the fuck over it. But some part of me was itching to get my hands on him and beat his sorry ass.  
 _Go home_.  
I shook my head at myself. I couldn't let this slide. If I did, and it happened again, then what? I'd feel even worse. I'd feel like I failed her.  
 _Go the fuck home_.  
What if she overdosed? That prick wouldn't even care. What if the Oxy was messed up? He wouldn't take the blame.  
I pulled up outside my house and growled at myself. This was messed up. This was unbelievably messed up.  
I opened the front door and before I had a chance to climb the stairs, my father cleared his throat.  
"Where have you been?" He asked, taking off his reading glasses.  
"Out." I muttered. I wasn't in the mood for this.  
"Define _out_." He raised a brow, leaning himself against the bannister.  
I rolled my eyes, "I was at Bella's."  
My dad pursed his lip and nodded, "I see. You really care for this girl, don't you?"  
I scoffed and shrugged indifferently, "She's a _classmate_." I turned away from him and began taking the stairs,  
"That's all."  
My father sighed deeply, "Goodnight, son."  
"Whatever." I mumbled. I walked down the hallway and stopped outside of Emmett's room, knocking.  
"Come in." He called.  
I pushed open his door and shut it behind me.  
"What's up?" He paused his Xbox game and frowned.  
"I need your help with something." I took a seat by the window and rested my arms on the rests.  
"Okay?" He gave me a puzzled look, "Help with what?"  
"Bella's on Oxy." I muttered, sighing.  
Emmett's eyes widened, "Fuck off."  
I nodded, "Yeah."  
"Who supplied her?" He asked quietly.  
"Jacob Black." I answered.  
"I fucking hate that guy." Emmett growled, shaking his head in disgust.  
I smirked, "Good. Cause you're gonna help me end him."  
Emmett tilted his head to the side, confused for a moment before his metaphorical lightbulb flickered on. He grinned widely, "I can't fucking wait."  
I stood up, "I'll let you know when." I opened his door and turned back to him, "And for the love of God, don't fucking say anything."  
Emmett nodded, "I won't."  
"Good."  
"Edward?"  
"What?"  
Emmett chewed the inside of cheek for a moment, "Are you doing this for Bella…or for you?"  
I shrugged, "If I say me, would you believe me?"  
Emmett shook his head, "No."  
I smirked, "Then, I'm doing it for me." I shut his door behind me and made my way to my bedroom.  
Tomorrow, I'll check on Bella. Tomorrow, I'll make sure she knows drugs is not the answer. Tomorrow, I'll become a better fucking person.

I stood in Bella's lounge, watching her pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  
"It's like he's inside my head." She mumbled to herself, "I can't fucking sleep, Edward." She chewed on her thumbnail and continued to pace. The Oxy was wearing off, leaving her a paranoid, sweaty wreck.  
How much had he gave her? Was there more than just that one bag I found?  
"Bella, you need to calm down." I said, "He's not in your head." I gripped her shoulders tightly and effectively stopped her pacing, "You're coming down from your high, okay? There's no one in your head."  
Bella's eyes widened and she shook her head, "No. He's in there, Edward. My dad is in there, telling me how disappointed he is and it's just too much. It's ridiculous. Everytime I close my eyes, I see his face, I hear his voice and I just can't…"  
I leaned my forehead against hers, "Bella." I whispered, "He is not disappointed, okay? He's not."  
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "He is."  
 _Guilty conscience_.  
I pulled away from her, "This isn't the drugs talking, Bella. This is you."  
"I know." She whined, pacing again, "That…that fucking letter did this. I was fine. I was fucking coping."  
I rubbed my forehead, resisting the urge to sigh, "What did it say?"  
Bella shook her head, "It's personal."  
I made my way to the kitchen, "Alright."  
I poured her a glass of water and handed it to her, "Drink this."  
She took the glass from me and gulped it down, "Thanks."  
I nodded, "Yeah." I took a seat on the couch and patted the space next to me, "Sit."  
She did as she was told and curled up into a ball against my side. I put my arm around her, "You should try and get some sleep."  
"I can't sleep, Edward." She whispered.  
"I'm here now, so just try." I stroked my thumb across her arm, trying to relax her.  
"Okay." Bella breathed, cuddling into my side. She was simply angelic.  
I traced shapes across her arm, listening to her breathing evening out as she began to slip into unconsciousness.  
"I love you, Swan." I whispered.  
She hummed quietly in her sleep and snuggled into me, gripping my shirt in her hand.  
I knew I wanted to stay that way forever. I knew I would protect her forever. I knew I would love her forever.

I woke up, my neck killing me. I rubbed my eyes and straightened myself up. I had fallen asleep on Bella's couch.  
"Swan?" I croaked. She wasn't beside me. I groaned and stood up, rolling my shoulders back. The clock in the kitchen told me it was just after three in the afternoon.  
"Swan?" I called again. She wasn't downstairs. I suppressed a yawn and climbed the stairs. Where was she?  
I reached the top of the stairs and stopped, listening for her.  
"Seriously, where are you?" I muttered, opening her bedroom door. Nothing.  
I gently knocked on the bathroom door and listened for her. I opened the door and found nothing again.  
I moved on to her father's room. I paused outside it and took a deep breath. "Sorry Mr Swan." I mumbled, before walking in. She wasn't there. She wasn't in the house.  
I fished out my phone from my pocket and called her.  
"What?" She hissed down the phone.  
I rolled my eyes, "Where are you?" I began descending the stairs, "Are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, Edward. I'm busy."  
"Busy? Define busy." I patted my pockets for my car keys and opened her front door.  
"I'm with Jake." She sighed. I growled under my breath. What the fuck was she doing? Getting more Oxy? I slammed her front door and jogged down to my car, "Where are you, Swan?" I spat, starting my engine, "Tell me where the fuck you are."  
Bella sighed deeply, "Seriously?"  
"Fucking seriously." I growled.  
"Glendale." She muttered before hanging up on me.  
Fucking Glendale.  
I dialled Emmett's number and veered left, exceeding speed limits.  
"What's up, bro?"  
"Get your shit together, I'm picking you up in five minutes." I spat down the phone.  
"Why?"  
"Just be ready, okay?" I ended the call and put my foot down, flooring it to my house.

Emmett opened the car door and frowned at me, "Where are we going?"  
"Glendale." I answered, pulling out of the driveway.  
"What's in Glendale?"  
My fists tightened around the steering wheel, "Jacob Black." The venom dripped from my voice as I spoke. I was utterly disgusted with that guy.  
"Okay." Emmett shrugged and leaned back in his seat, whistling to himself.  
He was irritating me. I glanced at him and rolled my eyes, "Could you please stop that?"  
"What?"  
"Whistling!" I hissed. It was the most annoying noise in the world to me.  
Emmett chuckled, "Since you said please."  
I clenched my jaw, "Thanks." Dickhead.  
I tossed Emmett my phone, "Call her and find out where exactly she is." I instructed.  
"Call who?"  
I rolled my eyes. Was I seriously related to this meathead?! "The fucking queen. Who the fuck do you think?" I hissed, stopping at a red light.  
Emmett rolled his eyes and sighed, "Chill out." He put the phone to his ear and hummed quietly to himself.  
I clenched my jaw. He was fucking annoying.  
"She's not answering." He mumbled.  
"Try her again." I instructed as I drove down Glendale Ave.  
"Still nothing." Emmett pocketed my phone and rolled down the window, "Are you sure she's here?"  
"She is." I replied, "Somewhere."  
"Why don't we try the park?" Emmett suggested, hanging his head out like a dog.  
I chewed my lip, "For a drug deal?" I shook my head, "I doubt they would be there. It's too open."  
"He has a car, doesn't he?"  
He had a point.  
 _Couldn't hurt to check it out_.  
I pulled in at Heroes Regional Park and killed the engine, "Let's go."  
Emmett shut the door and followed close behind me, "Are we just gonna attack him?"  
I turned to face my big brother and sighed, "Emmett, did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast?"  
He frowned, "I had cereal."  
"Oh for fuck sake." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed, "Let's just wait and see if he's supplied Bella first before we kick his ass."  
"Okay." Emmett patted my shoulder and began walking. I followed him, weaving our way through cyclists and kids.  
"Should we split up?" Emmett asked, glancing back at me.  
I nodded "Yeah. I'll look over at the basketball court." I left Emmett and began making my way through the park.  
I patted my pockets for my phone, figuring I'd try and call her again. "Shit." I muttered. Emmett had it. I rubbed my forehead and silently cursed him.  
 _Just keep walking_.  
Just keep walking and pray I find her.  
I knew in my gut I was close to finding her. I knew she was here somewhere.  
What the fuck was in that letter to cause her to self destruct so violently?  
 _She doesn't care that you care…  
_ That was obvious. She didn't believe I loved her, she didn't believe I cared for her. She wasn't to blame for it. It was all me. All my fucking fault.  
My fists clenched at my sides as I spotted Jake, leaning against the gate to the playground, Bella at his side. They were laughing. It made my skin crawl. Jake extended his hand to Bella's and leaned in close to her ear as he subtly passed her a small bag.  
"Bro!" Emmett jogged up to me and began to try and catch his breath, "Any luck?"  
I nodded toward them and narrowed my eyes. Emmett followed my line of sight and growled under his breath, "Let's go." He grabbed my arm and pulled me with him as he approached them.  
"Well hello!" Emmett grinned wickedly at Bella and Jacob.  
Bella's eyes widened when she saw us, "Hi."  
Jake rolled his eyes and draped his arm over Bella's shoulders.  
 _This motherfucker right here.._  
"Let's go, Bella." I took her hand and pulled her beside me.  
Jake snorted and puffed out his chest like a fucking gorilla, "You're not her keeper, Edward. She wouldn't want a pussy like you."  
Anger boiled in my blood, "What the fuck did you just say?" I hissed, stalking toward him.  
He rolled his eyes, "Chill man." He pushed me away from him and shook his head.  
"Both of you stop it." Bella muttered, "This isn't a pissing contest."  
I clenched my fists and sneered at him. He was a cocky asshole and he needed to be taught a lesson.  
Emmett placed a hand on my shoulder, "Walk away." He mumbled.  
Jake smirked, "Yeah, walk away, Cullen. Show everyone how much of a pussy you really are."  
Before I knew it, I had him pinned against a nearby brick wall, my arm pressing down on his throat and Bella screaming behind me.  
"You think you're great, huh?" I hissed, "Supplying her with shit that fucks with her head?"  
Jake gripped my arm, swinging his legs around, "She asked…for it.." He choked out.  
I scoffed, adding pressure to his throat, "You leave her the fuck alone, alright?"  
"Edward!" Emmett growled, "Fucking leave him."  
I narrowed my eyes at Jacob's pain striken face as he choked for breath, "This isn't over." I whispered venomously before releasing him. I watched as he fell to the ground, gasping for air.  
"Nothing wrong with making someone feel good, Cullen!" He screeched after me, "In more ways than one."  
I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to face him, "What?"  
Was he talking about what I think he was?  
 _She fucked him_.  
I already knew that, I just hadn't had the confirmation.  
Bella's eyes widened as she shook her head, "No. Don't!" She put her hands on my chest, trying to push me back as I made my to him again. I took her hands from me and narrowed my eyes at her, "Move." She did as she was told, her eyes gluing themselves to the ground.  
Emmett sighed deeply, "Edward, leave it. Someone's gonna end up calling the cops."  
"Let them!" I growled, crouching down to Jake, "I want to hear it."  
He smirked, "You wanna know?" He chuckled, sitting himself up.  
Bella whimpered behind me, "Please stop."  
I grabbed Jacob by the collar, bringing him up to face me properly, "Fucking tell me."  
"I fucked her." He responded with a huge shit eating grin. Bella sobbed behind me.  
My skin turned ice cold, my stomach threatened to empty its contents. I swallowed back bile.  
"Dude." Emmett sighed deeply.  
"I fucked her _so good_." Jake laughed, "If I were you-"  
My punch silenced him, "You fucker." I spat, standing up. I shook my hand, flexing my fingers. The skin on my  
knuckles cried out as it tore. Blood. Blood and fucking pain. That fucking hurt.

The drive home was intense.  
"You do know you're gonna have a target on your back now?" Emmett muttered, shaking his head.  
 _He's right_.  
Of course he's fucking right. No one starts shit with a drug dealer and lives to tell the tale. I didn't answer him. I didn't want to speak. I was afraid my words would do more harm than good.  
"You okay, Bella?" Emmett turned to Bella, who was sitting in the back, chewing on her nail.  
"Yeah." She whispered.  
 _Liar_.  
She was lying. The pain in her voice was obvious. She didn't want me to know, _really know_. I had my suspicions but now I know. And she hated that.  
I pulled up outside of her house and stopped the car, waiting patiently for her to get out.  
"Thanks." She mumbled.  
I rolled down the window and held my hand out, "Give me it." I mumbled, staring at the tree infront of the car.  
Bella sighed and placed the bag in my hand, "That's all he gave me."  
I put the bag in my pocket and rolled up the window, starting the engine again.  
"You need to calm down, bro." Emmett mumbled, "This isn't her fault."  
"I don't want to talk about it." I replied, pulling away from her house. I glanced in the rear view mirror to see Bella standing in her front lawn, hugging herself as she watched me drive away. I took a deep breath and focused my eyes back to the road, "It's over now."


	18. Call Me When You're Sober

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **I'm SO sorry guys for taking this long! There's no excuse, I've just been really busy.  
In a few days I'll upload the next chapter to make it up to you. **

**Chapter Playlist: "Call Me When You're Sober" - Evanescence / "Second & Sebring" - Of Mice And Men.**

* * *

 **EDWARD POV**

I stared at the ceiling above my bed, contemplating everything. The weekend passed just like any other. Boring and uninteresting. And I never went near Bella's. I couldn't face her. Who knows what I might've said to her. She called me over and over, leaving voicemails. I probably should've listened to them. But I didn't. They're still unlistened to, taking up memory space on my phone.  
"Edward." My dad called, knocking on my door.  
"Yeah?" I sat at the edge of my bed, head in hands.  
The door opened, "Are you going to school today? Emmett's waiting in the kitchen for you."  
I had to. It was Wednesday. I didn't go Monday or Tuesday. I had to catch up on whatever I missed.  
I sighed and lifted my head to look at my dad, "I guess." I stood and grabbed my bag.  
"Son," He put his hand on my shoulder, "Be careful."  
I nodded and made my way down the stairs. I made the choice of telling my dad everything. _Everything._

 _"Where have you both been?" My dad put his book down and lifted his glasses off his face._  
 _Emmett cleared his throat, "Glendale."_  
 _I clenched my jaw._  
Nice going, jerk face _._  
 _"What? Why?" My father stood and made his way over to us, "What's in Glendale?"_  
 _Emmett shrugged, "It's Edward's story. Not mine."_  
 _"Thanks." I growled. How the fuck was I going to explain that?_  
 _My dad frowned, watching me carefully, "Edward? What's going on?"_  
 _Emmett slapped my back, "I'm off to bed." He practically ran up the stairs and into his bedroom. Fucking pussy._  
 _I should just tell him, that way Bella knew I cared. She would get help, support. There was no way I could handle it all myself._  
 _I took a deep breath, "Bella was in Glendale today." I mumbled, chickening out._  
 _The confusion on my father's face was almost hysterical, "What?"_  
 _I rolled my eyes and stalked into the kitchen, "She was in Glendale getting…" I shook my head and took a seat at the dining table._  
Just do it. She needs help. You can't help her _._  
 _"Getting what?" My father sat across from me and clasped his hands together._  
 _I knew if I told him, I would regret it. Bella would never trust me again. My anger and quick wit had just made everything 1000x worse._  
 _"Ever since Mr Swan died…she's been…" I ran a hand through my hair. This was harder than I thought, "She's on drugs, okay?"_  
 _My father's eyes widened for a split second before he composed himself._  
 _"Oxy to be exact. Jacob Black is her dealer and…" Should I tell him I got in a fight with him?_  
 _"And?" He probed._  
 _"And I kinda…got in a fight with him." I shrugged and leaned back in my seat, feigning calm._  
 _My dad's face slowly began turning red as he tried to contain his anger, "You…what?" He hissed quietly._  
Tell him everything _._  
 _I stared at the table and chewed on my lip, "I just wanted to make sure she was okay, dad."_  
 _My dad rubbed his temples and sighed deeply, "Edward, do you have any idea what you have just done?"_  
 _I nodded slowly, "Yeah."_  
 _"I don't think you do." He hissed, "You got into a fight with a drug dealer!"_  
 _"He deserved it!" I retorted, glaring at my father._  
 _His expression softened slightly as he stared at me, "Maybe so, but did you think of the consequences? God Damnit,_  
 _Edward!"_  
 _"I'll lay low for a while." I shrugged, "There isn't anything to worry about."You have a target on your back now, Edward. You need to be careful from here on out, do you hear me?"_  
 _I sighed deeply, "What about Bella? Huh? You want me to just leave her to deal with this steaming pile of shit by herself?"_  
 _My dad shook his head, "No." He muttered, "This is why you have to be careful, now more than ever. She's involved in this now. She's probably a target now too." He added sombrely._  
 _I slumped in my seat, "This is so fucked up."_  
 _He stood and pushed his chair under the table, "I'm glad you told me about this, son." He said quietly, "I know you care a great deal for this Bella, but you have to remember that your anger sometimes…" He trailed off, shaking his head._  
 _"I know." I whispered, "I know. I can't shake the feeling."_  
 _This isn't a soap opera, Cullen._  
 _"What feeling?" My father raised a brow in confusion._  
 _"It's hard to explain." I replied, staring at the table. I couldn't even explain it to myself let alone him._  
 _"Try me."_  
 _I took a deep breath and chewed the inside of my cheek, "I fucking love her. I can't…breathe when I'm with her. She makes everything inadequate. Any shit I'm dealing with just melts away when I'm with her." I smiled to myself, imagining I was with her at this very moment. Every fibre in my being ached when I was with her. She was my own personal brand of Heroin._  
 _I looked up at my dad, suddenly embarrassed by my confession, "Why am I even telling you this?" I muttered, standing, "It's not like it matters anyway." I scoffed._  
 _He gave me a small smile, "It does. A great deal."_  
 _He was wrong. It didn't matter. The ship has sailed._

Emmett pulled into a parking space and killed the engine, "Are you okay?" He asked, grabbing his books from the back seat.  
I nodded and opened the passenger door, "Never better." I slung my bag over my shoulder and stared at the school building.  
"I can't believe you told dad everything." Emmett shook his head and locked his car.  
"I had no fucking choice." I muttered sourly, "Thanks to you."  
I forced my feet to move, carrying me to the entrance of the school.  
"Edward!" She shouted. The hair on the back of my neck stood and my heart picked up pace as I turned.  
"Bella." I swallowed the lump in my throat and ran my hand through my hair as she made her way to me.  
"Thought you were done?" Emmett mumbled, watching me curiously.  
 _You never will be_.  
"I am." I whispered, "I am."  
Emmett sighed and made his way inside.  
Bella stood in front of me, staring up at me like a lost puppy.  
"What?" I sighed.  
 _Façade_.  
"Are you okay?" She took hold of my face and began examining me.  
I grabbed her wrists, pushing her away from me, "I'm fine!" I growled, "Stay the fuck away from me, Swan."  
"But-"  
"But nothing." I shook my head and scoffed, "You fucked everything. You could have just told me the truth instead of pulling me along like…" I clenched my jaw, shaking my head. There was no point in dragging this out. I narrowed my eyes at her, "It's over now. I was there for you, I tried to help you. But you didn't want to accept that. We're done. Whatever we were, it's over. You're on your own."  
Bella's eyes began to fill with tears and she stared at me. It was too painful to look into her eyes. They were transparent. You could look right into her soul. I could see her fucking heart breaking.  
"Edward…" She whispered.  
"You need to make up your God damn mind, Swan." I spat, looking away from her, "Call me when you're fucking sober." I clenched my jaw, ignoring the painful knot in my throat and turned my back on her, making my way into school, fighting back my own tears.  
 _Fucking pussy_.  
I didn't care if that made me a pussy. I had fucking feelings, I had a heart. A heart that was breaking just like hers.

"So, she's back?" Jasper leaned against the locker next to me and smirked, watching students scramble around the corridors.  
I shrugged, tapping my foot against the wall, "Yeah."  
Jasper slapped my the top of my head, "You fucked it, didn't you?" He hissed, "You ruined it all."  
I sighed deeply. Did I really have to explain myself to this asshole?  
 _Leave it alone_.  
I squared my shoulders and glared at Jasper, "It was already fucked." I retorted, "I've got a fucking target on my back because of that punk Jacob Black." I spat, "I do not need to hear your shitty judgement right now."  
Jasper frowned, leaning back against the lockers, "What the fuck are you talking about?"  
I rolled my eyes and stepped away from him, "Just forget it." I shook my head.  
"No. Tell me." Jasper folded his arms across his chest, "What's going on?"  
I chewed on my lip, watching freshmans collecting books from their lockers, "He was asking for it." I told Jasper simply.  
His eyes widened, "You didn't. Please tell me you didn't!"  
I shrugged, "He was supplying Bella." I turned to look at him and sighed, "And.."  
"And what?"  
"She fucked him." I ran a hand through my hair and watched Jasper as his expression turned to horror.  
"You're kidding, right?"  
I scoffed and shook my head, "I don't really want to talk about it, Jasper."  
He frowned, deliberating for a moment, "Are you sure though? I mean, did she tell you?"  
I closed my eyes, trying to breathe evenly, "No." I responded through clenched teeth, " _He_ told me."  
"Fuck." Jasper breathed quietly, "What are you going to do? _Other_ than kick his ass."  
I shrugged and opened my eyes, "I have no idea. I'll catch you later." I began walking away from him, to the benches outside hanging my head in defeat. I was defeated.  
I made my way outside and sat down on one of the benches, scrolling through my phone.  
 _Listen to them._  
I clenched my teeth. I couldn't bring myself to. I couldn't listen to her fucking voicemails. What was the point? It wouldn't change anything.  
With a heavy sigh, I put the phone to my ear to listen to the first voicemail.  
 _"Edward…"_ Bella sobbed, _"I'm so sorry you had to find out that way…about Jake and I."_ There was moment of silence  
before she spoke again, _"Please call me back."_  
I deleted it and moved on to the next ones, which consisted of Bella crying again and apologising, begging me to call her.  
 _"It's me again. I swear I'm becoming your stalker or something,"_ She laughed to herself and sniffed, _"You have every reason to be angry with me."_  
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly, why was I doing this to myself?  
 _"I've probably left you like, I don't know, a thousand messages? I just want to know that you're okay. I can't get_  
 _through this without you, Edward. I…I'm sorry."  
_ I moved on to the final voicemail and I couldn't hold back the bile rising in my throat, _"Hi. It's me…again."_ Bella sniffed, _"So, uh, I'm guessing you really don't want to talk to me which is fine, I don't blame you. I just wanted to let you know that it's my dad's funeral today, so yeah. I'll try to stop worrying about you since you've so clearly stopped worrying about me."  
_ I pocketed my phone and stared out to the parking lot. My fists clenched at my sides. I scoffed to myself and shook my head. If she really believed I didn't worry for her then she was even more fucked up than I thought. Of course I was worried but she should've accepted that I was there for her. There was only so much I could do.  
 _You weren't there for his funeral..._  
If anything my thoughts pissed me off more. No fucking shit, Sherlock.

Slumping in my seat, I doodled on my notebook as Mr Banner prattled on about shit I didn't care about. I could feel her staring eyes on me.  
 _Don't turn around.  
_ I took a deep breath and shifted in my seat to stare out of the window.  
"Mr Cullen, would you like to graduate?" Mr Banner toward over my desk, glaring at me.  
I shrugged indifferently, "I guess."  
"Then pay attention please. You're already behind." He muttered, returning to his desk, "As I was saying, blood glucose levels are extremely important…"  
I turned my attention back to the window and exhaled quietly. _How long until I could get the fuck out of here? How long until I could say 'adios motherfucker'?_  
I tapped my pen against my notebook, praying for this class to end quickly. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable being in the same class as Bella. I could feel her behind me. I could sense her fear, her adoration, her puppy dog eyes. My stomach churned.  
 _Façade.  
_ Back to square one. Be the biggest dickhead on the planet and get the fuck over her.

The corridors were empty, everyone was at lunch. I didn't feel like sitting with my friends, probably because Bella would be there and all the attention would be on her and I couldn't deal with that. I couldn't be near her.  
I opened my locker and stuffed my books inside.  
"You look like shit." Jasper chuckled from behind me.  
I shut my locker and turned to him, a small smile on my lips, "Yeah?" I scratched the back of my head and shrugged,  
"Didn't realise."  
Jasper scoffed before clearing his throat. Joking turned into serious very quickly, "Are you going to tell me what happened? Cause Bella's sitting at that table near fucking tears, dude."  
I shrugged, "There's not much to tell. She didn't want me help.  
"Did she say that?"  
I shook my head sadly, "Her actions spoke louder than her words."  
Jasper sighed and ran a hand through his blond hair, "You both need to figure your shit out."  
"There's too much shit between us. To be honest, I don't even know if we can sort it out."  
"Because she fucked Jake? Really?"  
I shook my head, "There's more to it than that."  
Jasper's brow lifted, "Do tell."  
I tilted my head, motioning to the doors, "Let's talk outside."  
I knew if I told him, he wouldn't say a word.  
 _Come clean, asshole_.  
It seemed that's what I was doing lately. Coming clean. Telling everyone my dirty little secrets. First my dad and now Jasper.  
 _Everything?  
_ Everything. Time to tell Jasper everything. From when I first met Bella, to the last conversation we had.  
Fucking everything.

* * *

 **A/N: Anyone recognised the line he thinks in Biology? Re-read chapter Chapter 6 - Dirty Little Secret if you don't ;)  
I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. I know it was a short one considering you all have been waiting almost a month for it!  
-Becca.  
**


	19. Love Was Made To Break

**A/N: This story has no Beta. All spelling errors and mistakes are my own.**

 **As promised guys! Enjoy.**

 **Chapter Playlist: "Love Was Made To Break" - Andy Black / "Fireworks" - You Me At Six**

* * *

 **Bella POV**

 _I didn't want this to happen. I didn't intend for any of this to happen. I wished I never answered his stupid phonecall because then everything would be okay. We would be okay._

"I wish you would tell that Cullen guy to fuck off." Jake sighed as he leaned against the playground gate.  
I shrugged, "He cares about me."  
 _You just realising?_  
Jake scoffed, "He cares about himself, Bella."  
I sighed deeply and raised a brow, "Can you just give me it before he gets here?" I held out my hand, patiently waiting.  
"Right here? Infront of all these kids?" Jake shook his head, a smirk playing on his lips, "You really don't give a fuck, do you?"  
"It's my new outlook on life." I muttered sourly, dropping my hand.  
Jake's arm made its way around my waist, he pulled me close to him, stuffing the bag in the pocket of my hoodie with his other hand, "There's this thing called subtlety…" He whispered, kissing the top of my head.  
I gently pulled away from him, "I'm never subtle."  
Jake threw his head back laughing, causing me to giggle at his antics. There was something so carefree about his laugh. It almost made me envy him.  
"Well hello." The familiar voice stopped out laughing abruptly. I turned, my eyes widening when I saw Emmett and Edward standing infront of us. Emmett grinned, his eyes moving between Jake and I.  
"Hi." I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. How much did Edward see?  
 _Probably all of it._  
Jake slung his arm across my shoulders, pulling me against his side. I tensed slightly, this wasn't going to go down well.  
Edward's jaw clenched as he sized Jake up before grabbing my hand, "Let's go Bella." He spat, pulling me toward him.  
Jake snorted, "You're not her keeper, Edward. She wouldn't want a pussy like you." Oh shit.  
If Jake was wise, he'd keep his mouth shut. But I guess we all know that never happened.  
"What the fuck did you just say?" Edward growled, making his way toward him.  
I had to stop this before shit hit the fan.  
Jake rolled his eyes, "Chill man." He pushed Edward away slightly and shook his head. Emmett tensed up beside me, snarling at Jake.  
"Both you of stop it. This isn't a pissing contest." My voice was quieter than intended which made me feel like a fucking idiot.  
Emmett marched to Edward, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Walk away." He warned.  
"Yeah, walk away, Cullen." Jake smirked, "Show everyone how much of a pussy you really are."  
Edward grabbed Jake, pushing him up against the wall, his arm constricting Jake's breathing.  
I screamed incoherently, trying to tell him to quit it. Edward was making a mistake. A huge fucking mistake.  
"You think you're great, huh? Supplying her with shit that fucks with her head?" Edward spat, pressing his arm down on Jake's throat.  
Jake clawed at Edward's arm, struggling for breath, swinging his legs around, "She asked…for it…" He choked. My eyes began to well up with tears.  
 _This is your fault._  
I know. It's all my fucking fault.  
"You leave her the fuck alone, alright?"  
"Edward!" Emmett growled, "Fucking leave him."  
"This isn't over." Edward muttered venomously before releasing him. I watched as Jake fell to the ground, coughing for breath. I began to go to him, but Emmett held his arm out, blocking me. Edward turned, eyes raging and began making his way toward us.  
"Nothing wrong with making someone feel good, Cullen!" Jake called, "In more ways than one."  
My heart almost stopped. Please tell me I imagined those words.  
Edward stopped and turned to face him, "What?"  
He couldn't find out like this. He just couldn't.  
My eyes widened in panic, "No. Don't!" I put my hands on his chest, trying to push him back but it was no use.  
"Move." He growled quietly.  
I obeyed, moving quickly, my eyes focusing on the ground.  
Emmett sighed deeply, "Edward, leave it. Someone's gonna end up calling the cops."  
"Let them!" Edward growled, crouching down to Jake, "I want to hear it."  
He smirked, "You wanna know?" He chuckled, sitting himself up.  
"Please stop." I whined. Nothing good would come of this.  
You should have told him anyway.  
Edward grabbed Jacob by the collar, pulling him up, "Fucking tell me."  
"I fucked her." He responded, grinning widely.  
A sob escaped me. I covered my mouth with my hand, fighting back bile. I was mortified.  
You should be.  
"Dude." Emmett sighed deeply.  
"I fucked her so good." Jake laughed, "If I were you-"  
Edward's fist connected with his face with a loud smack, "You fucker." He spat, standing up. Edward shook his hand, wincing slightly.  
My eyes settled on his knuckles, "You're bleeding." I whispered, taking his hand in mine, examining his hand. Blood always made me uneasy, but with Edward I didn't mind. He tore his hand from mine and stared at Emmett. Emmett nodded in answer to an inaudible question.  
I started to move, to go to Jake but Emmett shook his head, gently pushing me back.  
"Let's go." Emmett placed his hand on the small of my back and walked me to Edward's car.  
I glanced over my shoulder to see Jake spitting blood out of his mouth and laughing, "Watch your back, Cullen!" He shouted after us.

I slumped in the back seat, playing at a lose thread on my hoodie.  
"Are you crazy?" Emmett whispered to Edward.  
"What?"  
"You do know you're gonna have a target on your back now." Emmett sighed, shaking his head.  
I glanced up to see Edward clenching his fists around the steering wheel, reopening the wounds on his knuckles.  
"You okay, Bella?" Emmett asked, turning to face me.  
"Yeah." I lied. I was far from it. I had to talk to Edward alone about all of this. I closed my eyes, leaning my head against the cold glass of the window, praying he would forgive me.  
 _Fat chance, Swan._  
Edward pulled up outside my house and stopped the car.  
I took off my seatbelt and stumbled out of the car, "Thanks." I mumbled, shutting the door.  
Edward rolled down his window, holding his hand out, "Give me it." His voice was emotionless. He couldn't even look at me. I bit down hard on my lip, willing the tears that threatened me away. I sighed and reached into my hoodie pocket to retrieve the bag, "That's all he gave me." I whispered, placing the bag into Edward's hand. He rolled his window back up and began to drive away, leaving me standing completely alone.  
"Fuck my life." I whispered to myself as I made my way to the porch. I pushed open the front door and sighed deeply. I had just fucked up the one thing that could save me from myself.  
I paced my kitchen, phone in hand debating whether or not to call him. Would he even answer?  
 _All you can do is try_.  
I put the phone to my ear and held my breath. It seemed like forever had passed until I reached his voicemail.  
I fought back tears. He really was angry with me.  
"Edward…" I croaked, "I'm so sorry you had to find out that way…about Jake and I." I closed my eyes and took a deep calming breath, "Please call me back." I hung up and stared across to the lounge.  
Only two hours ago we were lying there together, happy and content.  
 _And then you went and fucked it up._  
That's all I seemed to be doing. Everything I touched crumbled away.  
 _Quit it with the self pity._  
I wiped my eyes and straightened myself up, mentally slapping myself. I should get a grip. I need to get a grip.

Saturday.  
Edward hadn't called me back. I had left too many messages to count last night. I needed him to forgive me.  
I dialled his number and held my breath. "Please answer." I whispered. He didn't. I got his stupid fucking voicemail again.  
 _"When I don't answer it means 'fuck off', leave a message and I'll consider calling back."_  
"It's me again." I mumbled, picking at my duvet cover, " I swear I'm becoming your stalker or something," I laughed quietly to myself and sniffed, "You have every reason to be angry with me." I chewed my lip and lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling, "I've probably left you like, I don't know, a thousand messages? I just want to know that you're okay." I wanted to make sure he was staying low, all things considered. " I can't get through this without you, Edward. I…I'm sorry." I tossed my phone to the bottom of my bed and buried my face in my pillow. I needed him. He couldn't just leave me alone. I bolted up, realisation dawning on me. What if Jake got to him and that's why he wasn't answering or calling back?  
 _Shake it off, Swan.  
_ I gnawed my bottom lip. I had to call Jake. I had to make sure he wouldn't do anything. I had to protect Edward. None of this was his fault.  
I collected my phone and scrolled through my contacts until I found his number.  
 _"What do you want?"_ His voice was hoarse.  
"Jake…are you okay?" I whispered.  
His laugh was low, menacing, _"Are you fucking serious? Am I okay? Cullen is fucking dead, Bella. You better tell your boyfriend to watch his fucking back."_  
"Jake please don't." I begged, "This is all my fault if I-"  
 _"Shut up!"_ He growled down the phone. I choked back a sob. This wasn't going the way I planned. _"You better watch your back too, pretty girl."_ He warned before hanging up.  
I covered my mouth with my hand, muffling my sobs. Dread washed over me. This was so fucked up.

Monday.  
I stared at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and frowned. I hadn't slept in what felt like years. Still no word from Edward either. I was beginning to go fucking crazy.  
 _You have bigger things to worry about._  
Today's my father's funeral. I had to focus on that and only that.  
I left the bathroom and went into my bedroom, searching for something to wear. I settled on a plain white shirt and a black skirt. Plain and simple.  
I had to be at the crematorium before eleven. Some of the officers from Forks PD were going to be there and I had to make nice and engage in small talk. All I wanted to do was say goodbye and go back home. I didn't have the energy to be social, especially with people I didn't know.  
My head was fuzzy, my throat was dry. I needed something to get me through this.  
I ransacked my drawers, hunting for anything that could pick me up.  
"Come on." I whined to myself, pulling clothes out.  
 _You need help._  
I needed something to make the pain go away. I needed something to make me forget Edward didn't give a fuck anymore. I needed something to make me feel numb about everything. I continued hunting, but to no avail. I slumped against my bed and hid my face in my hands.  
 _Deep breaths._  
Deep fucking breaths. I slowly rocked back and forth, trying to ignore the empty dread at the bottom of my stomach.  
I lifted my phone, one more call. If he didn't answer, I'll get the message and leave him alone.  
Voicemail again. This time I didn't stop my tears from falling.  
"Hi. It's me…again." I sniffed, "So, uh, I'm guessing you really don't want to talk to me which is fine, I don't blame you. I just wanted to let you know that it's my dad's funeral today, so yeah. I'll try to stop worrying about you since you've so clearly stopped worrying about me."  
I didn't know what to expect to be honest, but I thought he would at least care.

I stood, staring at my father's coffin. There was nothing in there. Just an empty shell of a man who meant the world to me. Just a reminder of how things can end so quickly. In just three hours.  
"Miss Swan?"  
I turned to find one of my father's colleagues smiling sympathetically.  
"Hi." I cleared my throat and forced a smile.  
"I'm so very sorry for your loss. Chief Swan was a great man." The man nodded to myself and took my hand, "I hope you find peace." He smiled softly and went to take his seat.  
I took a deep breath and looked around the small room in the crematorium to the faces of the officers I didn't know. I felt alienated at my own father's cremation. I felt alone. There was no one here to comfort me. There was no one here to take me home and hold me.  
My eyes fell on the flag draped over his coffin. Stars and Stripes.  
"We are ready to begin now, Miss Swan." The Funeral Commander nodded at me and cleared his throat.  
I quickly took my seat and started shredding the tissue in my lap.  
"First of all, thank you all for gathering today to say goodbye to Chief Charles Swan…"  
I closed my eyes, imagining my mom beside me. She would know what to say and do on a day like today. She would be strong enough for the both of us.  
I felt someone take my hand and I smiled to myself. He showed. He actually came.  
My eyes opened and the disappointment I felt was too much when I saw Alice beside me.  
She smiled softly and squeezed my hand gently.  
"How...?" I whispered.  
"I read the paper." She whispered back.  
I nodded and took a deep breath, focusing my attention to my father's coffin.  
"And now, a few words from the Chief's daughter, Isabella." The Funeral Commander stepped back from the coffin and motioned toward me.  
I had completely forgotten about this part. I hadn't prepared anything. I slowly stood up and tentatively made my way to the head of his coffin.  
"Um…" I stared down at my feet, trying to muster the words together, "My dad was a great guy, I'm sure all of you already knew that." I smiled softly and focused my attention to the man who wished me well. He put me at ease, strangely. "There are no words to describe the pain and loneliness I feel now that he's not physically with me, but I know that he's still around somewhere."  
I shifted uncomfortably and chewed my lip, "My dad took pride in his work and when he had to leave it behind, it must've been the hardest thing for him to do. He valued each and every one of his colleagues, his friends and most importantly his family. He'll be missed greatly by the Forks community and by me."  
I placed my hand on the top of his coffin and smiled sadly, "I love you, Dad." I whispered.  
I returned to my seat and exhaled slowly. Alice took my hand again and squeezed gently, "You'll be okay." She whispered.  
I'll be okay. I know that. I had no one left to lose.  
A few of the officers stepped forward, gently lifting the flag from the coffin.  
I gripped Alice's hand. It couldn't be over. Not yet. What kind of send of was this?  
 _You chose this._  
I was so wrapped up in my grief I hadn't planned for a proper funeral. A proper goodbye.  
The nice officer stepped forward and began to sing Amazing Grace effortlessly. My breathing came in short shallow bursts as I tried to contain my sobs. It wasn't supposed to end this way.  
 _"That saved a wretch like me…I once was lost but now am found…T'was blind but now I see…"  
_ The officer stepped forward, handing me the Stars and Stripes folded into a perfect triangle. He placed it delicately in my hand and saluted.  
I held the flag to my chest watching as my father's coffin disappeared behind the curtain.  
 _"We've no less days to sing God's praise, than when we first begun."_  
The last note hung in the air, haunting the room.  
Alice pulled me into a hug as I finally cried. Properly cried. Reliving all the sadness all over again.

I sat in Alice's car, staring blankly ahead.  
"Are you hungry? We could go and get something to eat if you want." She chimed as she drove.  
I shook my head, unable to find words. I still clung to the flag, holding it tight against my chest.  
"Are you sure?"  
I nodded meekly. I had no appetite.  
"Do you want me to just take you home?"  
Jeez, what was with her need to ask so many questions?  
I sighed deeply and nodded, turning my head away from her. I just wanted to be left alone now, to wallow in my grief.  
Alice continued to drive. She must've got the message because she never spoke again. I was grateful for the silence.  
Some of the officers were going for a drink afterward, they invited me along. But I politely declined. Like I said, I wanted to be alone and drinking with my father's ex colleagues wasn't something I was jumping at the chance to do.  
"Here we go." Alice pulled up outside my house and smiled, "Do you want me to come in or…?"  
I smiled softly and shook my head, "I think I want to be alone." I answered, finally finding my voice.  
Alice nodded, "Okay. I'll see you at school then? When will you be back?"  
"Probably Wednesday."I responded, getting out the car. That would give me enough time to process everything. "Thanks for today, Al. I couldn't have survived it without you."  
"Anytime." She smiled and waited until I got into the house before driving off.  
I turned my phone off and made my way up the stairs, into my father's almost empty room.  
I placed the flag on his chest of drawers and sighed. Everything was so final now.

Wednesday.  
I dragged my ass out of bed and turned on the shower. It was time to get back to school. Back to normalcy. Back to a huge pile of homework.  
I stepped into the shower and shivered as the hot water touched my skin.  
I still hadn't heard from Edward. Or Jake for that matter. I shrugged it off, if Jake had gotten to Edward I was sure someone would have told me by now. I wasn't going to worry about it. I'm taking a leaf from Edward's book and not giving a fuck.  
I dressed quickly, throwing on black skinny jeans and a red top. I tied my hair up and grabbed a poptart from the cupboard.  
I was rather excited about going back to school. I lifted my phone from the kitchen table and froze, poptart in mouth, at the text.  
 _"You picked the wrong day to go back to school, pretty girl."_  
I looked around the kitchen, peering out of the windows. Was he watching me? How did he know I was going back today?  
 _Fucking Jacob Black.  
_ I drew in a deep calming breath and made my way to the front door. Fuck him. I wasn't going to hide away.  
I hesitantly opened the front door and peeked outside.  
My phone vibrated in my pocket causing me to jump about eighty feet in the air.  
"Hello?" I croaked. I silently cursed myself realising I never checked the caller ID.  
 _"Hey, I'm picking you up for school. Be ready in five minutes."_ Alice sang down the phoned. I breathed a sigh of relief.  
"Okay." I hung up and shut the front door, leaning my back against it.  
 _Take a breath._

"Are you okay? You seem a bit on edge?" Alice commented as she drove toward school.  
I cleared my throat and nodded, "Fine." I lied. I was eager to get to school to make sure Edward was okay. Did he get a text too? I chewed down on my lip as we pulled into the school parking lot, my eyes sweeping the lot, looking for him.  
I got out and leaned against Alice's car. I couldn't see him.  
"Are you coming?" Alice asked, watching me curiously.  
I shook my head, "I'm just gonna stay out here until the bell." I smiled, reassuring her that everything was okay. She shrugged and turned away, skipping over to Jasper who gave me a small wave.  
Anxiety bubbled inside me.  
 _Not giving a fuck is working out well…_  
I cursed myself. Something always fucks up my plans.  
I checked the time on my watch and began bouncing up and down impatiently. Where the fuck was he?  
"Damn you, Cullen." I muttered.  
I began walking toward the entrance of the school and that's when I spotted Emmett's car. Emmett shut the door after him, Edward slammed his door shut and began walking with Emmett toward the entrance.  
He was okay.  
I don't know what fucking possessed me but I shouted his name. Edward stopped dead and turned around slowly. He looked tired and angry. Shit.  
Emmett mumbled something to Edward. I reached them then, Emmett sighed deeply and went inside, leaving Edward and I.  
"What?" He sighed. He looked so pissed off. I almost regretted shouting on him.  
"Are you okay?" Without a second thought, I took hold of his face and began examining him, looking for any sign that Jake had gotten to him.  
Edward grabbed my wrists, pushing me away from him, "I'm fine!" He growled, "Stay the fuck away from me, Swan."  
Ouch.  
I hadn't expected that.  
"But-"  
"But nothing." Edward shook his head and scoffed, "You fucked everything. You could have just told me the truth instead of pulling me along like…" He clenched his jaw, shaking his head. I felt fucking stupid.  
He narrowed his cold, uninterested eyes at me, "It's over now. I was there for you, I tried to help you. But you didn't want to accept that. We're done. Whatever we were, it's over. You're on your own."  
The tears threatened. I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had really fucked this up. Didn't he listen to my voicemails?  
 _He has a point._  
He was right, I'll admit. I never gave him the time of day when I first got here. I never allowed him to show he cared.  
"Edward…" I whispered. I had to make this right.  
"You need to make up your God damn mind, Swan." He spat, looking away from me, "Call me when you're fucking sober." He turned away from me and marched inside, leaving me embarrassed and feeling so fucking worthless.  
His words rang loud in my head. I had really hurt him. I didn't think I could hurt him so badly.  
 _Well done._

I sat next to Alice in Biology, staring at the back of Edward's head, willing him to turn around. He needed to let me explain. We needed to have a proper talk. I needed to warn him about Jake.  
He shifted in his seat and for a fleeting moment I thought he was going to turn around and flash me his crooked smile. But he didn't. He turned to window, gazing outside.  
"Mr Cullen, would you like to graduate?" Mr. Banner stood at Edward's desk, glaring heavily at him.  
"I guess." Edward answered, shrugging indifferently.  
"Then pay attention please. You're already behind." Mr. Banner muttered, returning to his desk, "As I was saying, blood glucose levels are extremely important for many reasons. Can anyone tell me what number your blood sugars should be?"  
Alice bounced in her seat, hand in the air.  
"Miss. Brandon?"  
"Between seventy and ninety nine milligrams." Alice answered, matter of factory.  
Mr. Banner nodded and took a seat at his desk, "Since this is a double period, after lunch you will all be testing your blood sugars. Nothing to be afraid of. Just a small prick on your finger." He smiled widely at the class.  
I held my breath. Blood. Great.

I sat uncomfortably at lunch with Alice and Rosalie.  
"Glad you're back." Rosalie smiled at me, "How are you?"  
"I'm okay." I answered, "Did I miss much in art?"  
Rosalie scoffed and shook her head, "Not really. Just painting more shit. That's about it." She turned her attention to her salad, signalling that the conversation was over.  
Emmett and Jasper joined us then. No Edward.  
Emmett shot me a curious look before giving me a small smile. I fumbled with the napkin in my lap and took a deep breath as their lunchtime chatter filled my ears.  
Jasper cleared his throat and smiled kindly at me, "Nice to see you, Bella."  
I smiled in return. I didn't answer. What could I say to that anyway? Thanks?  
Rosalie sighed deeply and began chatting to Alice about a recent shopping trip she went on with her mother and how awful it was.  
"She takes forever in stores, Al. I was waiting for like half an hour in one of them." Rosalie shook her head in disgust.  
Emmett chuckled, "I know that feeling."  
"Remember we have that blood sugar thing to do after lunch, Bella." Alice said, frowning at me, "You should probably eat something."  
I shrugged, "I'm not really that hungry."  
Not hungry and not comfortable. I wished Edward was sitting with us. He would put me at ease. Couldn't he stand to be in the same room as me?  
The thought itself made me tear up. I felt so empty without his stupid face everywhere.  
"I'll be back soon." Jasper announced, standing up. He kissed the top of Alice's head and marched out toward the lockers.  
"Are you sure you're okay?" Alice asked quietly.  
I nodded, "Fine."  
Far from it actually.  
My phone buzzed in my pocket and dread washed over me instantly.  
I pulled my phone out and stared blankly at the text.  
 _"Show time."  
_ He was here. Jake was here.  
I snapped my attention to Alice, "Where's Edward?" I demanded.  
Alice's eyes widened in shock at my sudden outburst, "Um…I don't know."  
"What's wrong?" Emmett asked.  
I quickly stood, "Shit!" I hissed. Emmett stood, realisation dawning on him.  
"Let's go." He muttered.  
"What's going on?" Rosalie called after us.  
I quickly followed behind Emmett as he walked out of the cafeteria, ignoring Rosalie.  
"He's here." I said to Emmett.  
He nodded and glanced back at me, "We need to find Edward."

 _No shit, Sherlock._


End file.
